Do I Have to Call You "Dear"?

Dear Reader:

I'm not sure whether it's gender-based or not, but it certainly seems that more men than women have trouble opening a business letter with the salutation "Dear _____."

In a recent writing class in Bellevue, Washington, several men admitted they couldn't force themselves to use "Dear" to address a business acquaintance, especially one they didn't like. (I'm sure this situation has nothing to do with Bellevue, which seems to be a perfectly pleasant city. Also, I have gotten the same admissions in Tacoma and Seattle.)

These men would rather begin a business letter with no salutation at all, or simply with the addressee's name, as in:

   Chris:

But the salutation "Dear ____" isn't like the word Darling. It's  a business convention—the way we open a business letter, even if we don't like the person. Similarly, "Sincerely yours" is the convention we use to close a letter, even for someone we have never met and to whom we definitely do not belong.

I like these civilized, courteous conventions, and I recommend following them, just as I recommend thanking people for their letters of complaint. After all, when we call someone "Dear" or say thank you, how can we not write them a courteous, reasonable letter?

A participant in the recent Bellevue class said, "But what if the person stole from us, and I am writing to end the business relationship—how can I possibly call that person Dear?"

Excellent question—I wish I had an ideal answer. But what is the alternative? The other four-letter words that come to mind for a business cheat simply don't fit a professional communication.

I recommend "Dear." Using it, we are much more likely to resist being obnoxious, unfeeling, or confrontational in our message. That "Dear" may even help us see the other person's point of view. (We are all dear to someone, aren't we?)

Yes, I have to call you "Dear"—and it's my pleasure.

Sincerely yours,

Lynn

Comments

[Kelly Brunner]

To Ms. Lynn Gaertner-Johnston,

As with the students of your writing class, I also have a problem with the salutation 'Dear'; both in professional and personal correspondences. In professional communiqués I find it to be too informal and personal for my tastes. When used for personal letters and notes I feel that it lacks all the meaning it once held due to over use.

In regards to the closing salutation of ‘sincerely yours’ for professional letters: I simply drop the ‘yours’. I do sincerely mean what I say, but in no way am I theirs. I reserve that distinction for my personal letters.

I am not trying to say you are wrong or I am right. I understand the compunctions the men on your classes have with the salutations. They are not the same ones that I, as a woman, have. I only wished to bring these points to your attention so you will be better prepared to defend you position in future.

Sincelely,

Kelly Brunner

[Lynn]

Kelly, thanks for sharing your views. I appreciated reading them.

I wonder how people feel if they receive letters from you without the "Dear." I know I missed it in your message to me.

Lynn

[S.D. Webb]

How do you open a letter to a District Attorney: Dear Mr. Smith or Hon. John Smith, District Attorney?

[Shirley Rude RN,MN,CS.]

I do not like to use Dear in any of my correspondence and the reason I went to your web site was to find out if there was another way to close a letter beside Sincerely. I thought by now someone would have come with a different closing. I write letters on behalf of my patients. I give them to my patients for them to share with whom ever they choose. Therefore, my salutation is To Whom It May Concern. I thought there would be more choices than Dear and Sincerely.
There must be better language.

[Wally Auslander]

Dear Lynn,

I have worked for small and leviathan corporations. Emails are short, curt, often seem rude and rarely adhere to any business writing "rules".

We've abbreviated speech under the auspices of efficiencies and are creating a pandemic of functional illiteracy - grunts may be the next phase. Email invites depredations of unrestrained language butchering and house every conceivable grammatical, typographic and stylistic error.

Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes said that "language is the skin of living thought." Aside from bastions like the legal profession, one or two "big words" in email can illicit a manager's reprimand - pleasantries are seen as "wasting time" and the use of the opening "Dear" in emails is exponentially rare.

What's the price of all this?

Thank you for your time,
Wally Auslander

[Lynn]

Hi, Shirley. I have written about complimentary closings. Please search for "With Best Wishes" on this site, and you will see a variety of closes.

I have noticed that people from English-speaking countries outside North America also use "Kind regards," so you can add that one to your list.

I dislike "To Whom It May Concern" as cold and anonymous, but I admit there may be a place for it.

Thanks for commenting.

[Lynn]

Dear Wally,

Thanks for your passionate comments. I myself feel positive about email. In the examples I read daily, I experience wonderful energy, fine ideas, and concise writing--along with the poor qualities you mention. Email is just a medium like any other, used badly and brilliantly.

A note of caution: Watch the use of "illicit" for "elicit." It could get you into trouble.

Best wishes,

Lynn

[Wally Auslander]

Dear Lynn,

Yep - I can't believe I made such a basic common-horse-sense mistake. . . illicit!

I guess I sort of made a point, without even trying, making the typical "I sea your pea see" error in my communication as the old joke goes.

Regards,
Wally

[Geoff Wichert]

Dear Lynn,
I came to this site looking for suggestions about complimentary closings, and so was delighted to find the following comment earlier in this discussion thread:

"Hi, Shirley. I have written about complimentary closings. Please search for "With Best Wishes" on this site, and you will see a variety of closes."

Alas, though I scanned sidebars, headers and footers diligently, I could not find a search function anywhere "on this site." I checked the archive of discussions, and your Syntax Training website, but with the same result.

Could you please clarify whether there is, in fact, a search function that I am simply missing, whether I should be browsing the archives and searching on individual pages, or whether there's some other solution to my dilemma.

Thanks for your interesting and helpful advice on many subjects. I look forward to learning more from you about the topic that originally brought me here.

Regards,
Geoff

[Lynn]

Hi, Geoff. Thank you for asking about the search function. It is clear to me that you are not seeing this site the same way I am.

When I visit this site from either Foxfire or Internet Explorer browser, I see a search feature labeled "Blogbar" at the top right, just underneath the banner.

This feature allows me to enter search terms to search on this site or the web.

I am not sure why you don't see the Blogbar. But since you don't, you can type any search term and "businesswritingblog" into your browser. That should give you similar results.

I wish more people were able to access the Blogbar because I receive too many questions to answer. If people had an easy way to search the site, I know they would find the answers themselves.

Best regards,

Lynn

[Walter Ellena]

Dear Colleagues,

I think the greater purpose of having a "greeting" and "closing" in any written communication is about politeness and courtesy.

With every good wish, I am. . .

Sincerely yours,
Walter A. Ellena

[Lynn]

Dear Walter,

Thank you for the reminder about the purpose of greetings and closes.

The style you have chosen for your close was once the standard. Now the standard--at least in North America--is to leave out the " . . . I am" part and just use the brief closing.

I appreciate your good wishes!

[J. B, Hunter]

Dear Lynn,

I use "Dear", too, despite a sincere dislike for the term in business correspondence. I wish we could all adopt the Spanish custom of addressing the recipient as "Esteemed" , e.g.

Estimado Profesor Villanueva
Estimada Sra. Gaertner-Johnson

a term which captures the formal courtesy of business correspondence much better than the personal, heartfelt "Dear".

[Lynn]

I like your suggestion. "Estimado" has such a lovely sound.

I can still see people complaining, though, "But he's NOT esteemed!"

Thanks for sharing.

[bess]

dear lynn
i learned a lot from your post. But it's China,you know. I can't not check the Gregg book.so maybe if you can, please explain salutation clearly. sometimes salutations is very confusing. thanks a lot!

[Lynn]

You can get "The Gregg Reference Manual" online. Just visit www.gregg.com and click on New Features.

[Nancy]

I agree with many that "Dear" can seem too familiar but haven't found a suitable alternative, other than dropping it altogether and just using the recipient's name. (I suppose "Hey" or "Yo" hasn't caught on?) As far as closings go, I am a big fan of "Regards" since I can vary it for the context, as in "Warm regards," "Kind regards," "Best regards," or simply "Regards." Sometimes I revert to the old standby, "Sincerely."

[Lynn Gaertner-Johnston]

Nancy, thanks for dropping by. I agree that variations on "Regards" can work in every message.

Lynn

[Nhoj]

Hi Lynn,

Is it right to use "Hi" as your salutation? We usually use "Hi" everytime we send email.

Thanks,

Nhoj

[Lynn Gaertner-Johnston]

Hi, Nhoj. It's a good idea to think about your audience and your purpose. "Hi" comes across as friendly and rather informal. That tone is not always appropriate for business emails.

Lynn

[Russell]

Hello Lynn,

I begin informal letters with Hello, as I would in conversation. Emails may begin with a time conscious salutations like “Good Morning” or “Good Afternoon”. I begin business letters with either no salutation or a simple, “ Greetings”. I end business and most informal with “Regards” or “Best Regards”.
I have never been comfortable with “Dear” as it is saccharine like or pretentious, as is “Sincerely Yours”. To end with “Sincerely” implies that there may be time you are not sincere.

While I do recognize “Dear” is still used and justified with inappropriate connotation, and is clung to by those a wash in nostalgia, I will continue my one man march for change.

Peace Out,

Russell

[Lynn Gaertner-Johnston]

Peace Out? Now there's a close! Thank you for commenting, Russell.

Lynn