Business Writing

Don't Appraise Your Readers

In a recent Better Business Writing class an attendee wrote a sentence like this one in a letter to a customer:

You may be certain that I will appraise you as soon as I receive the investigator's report. 

But the reader would want to be apprised--not appraised. Be sure to apprise your readers, like this:

• I will keep you apprised of the situation.
• We will apprise you as soon as we hear from the insurance adjustor.
• Mr. Adan wants to be apprised as soon as the shipment arrives.

Apprise means "to inform or notify." Appraise means "to put on a value on."

• Ms. Grossmann will appraise the contents of grandmother's house.
• The appraised value of the property is $200,000.
• Jessica is waiting for a performance appraisal and bonus.

If you like memory devices to keep words pairs clear in your mind, remember the words that appraise and apprise sound like. The words with similar vowel sounds provide definitions:

Appraise = rate, evaluate
Apprise = notify

To communicate clearly with your reader, why not use the simpler word notify instead of apprise?  But continue to use appraise when you mean "to put a value on." Appraise is a precise, useful word that should be part of your reader's vocabulary and your own.

You have now been apprised of the difference between the two words. What is your appraisal of the value of this information?

Lynn
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Other search spellings: apraisal, aprise, apprize, defenition

A Costly Error

People often visit this site looking for evidence of the cost of writing errors. Here is a story to add to your files.

According to The Janesville Gazette, the Florida career management firm Allen and Associates is being sued because of a letter that should not have been sent, with a mistake that should have been caught.

According to the Wisconsin newspaper, its former managing editor Barbara Uebelacker had contracted with Allen and Associates to help with her job-search campaign. Her lawsuit alleges that the firm mailed a letter to 200 employers without notifying Ms. Uebelacker, and the letter included a serious error. It seems that it included an unfortunate statement like this:

Currently seeking new challenges in a 70E.R1B,EWI.5381 position with your organization.

Rather than a 70E.R1B,EWI.5381 position, Ms. Uebelacker was actually seeking a public relations position.

Allen and Associates has apologized for the error and returned Ms. Uebelacker's $1,720 fee, according to The Janesville Gazette. Nevertheless, she seeks damages "in excess of $75,000 for humiliation, mental anguish, emotional pain and loss of professional reputation," according to the newspaper.

Yes, errors do lead to lawsuits. That is why we get everyone's permission to publish, and we proofread and test messages many times, especially when a document is going to 200 readers.

Beyond the story in The Janesville Gazette, I know nothing about Ms. Uebelacker and her lawsuit, but I do wish her a happy, productive job search. Looking for a job can be a stressful, demoralizing activity. But if public relations (PR) is what she loves to do, her situation sounds like an excellent PR project. I can imagine a wonderful story about this silly, embarrassing error and how she used her PR skills to turn the situation around. I hope she will be able to look back and smile about it when she is happily settled in a new job.

Lynn
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Other search spellings: erors, embarssing, emabarssing, embarassing, embarrasing, writng.

A Quick Editing Contest

I just received an email with a sentence long enough to reach from Seattle to Sydney. It's 139 words--a stringy list of job requirements that test the reader's endurance. If the writer had formatted the content clearly and simply, this excerpt from a job announcement would have been easy to skim for key information. But instead, it's this:

Knowledge Required by the Position:
The Contractor shall be knowledgeable, and skilled in applying, human resource development (HRD) learning theories, principles, and methods sufficient to advise management on developing and maintaining the proper balance between organization strategic plans, goals, and HRD programs; to utilize a wide variety of learning methods, including technology-based methodologies,  to provide consultative services; to undertake planned systematic studies to determine the immediate and long range training needs of employees engaged in complex work (e.g., information technology, science, and engineering) at a facility; evaluate the merits of employee morale problems, excessive employee turnover, and instances of low productivity relative to training opportunities; provide career counseling to employees to assist them in identifying realistic career objectives and in obtaining required skills through training initiatives, and provide consultative services relative to changing technologies, obsolete workforce skills, and the challenges of organizations in transition.

The contest is to produce the best edited version of the sentence.

The prize is a copy of my guide, 60 Quick Word Fixes. The guide explains and illustrates 60 confusing word pairs such as affect/effect, bad/badly, complement/compliment, and comprise/compose. Up to five prizes will be awarded. Winners can choose a hard copy or a PDF of the 32-page guide, which I will send to you with my compliments. (Of course, everyone who enters will win the satisfaction of rewriting a bad sentence and sending it to someone.)

To enter the contest, edit the 139-word sentence so that it communicates clearly. Break the monolith into readable chunks. Keep all the useful content but organize it so that readers will read and understand it. Email your version to me (in British, Canadian, or American English), and please permit me to publish your work on this site if it is among the top five.

Judging. I will use my best judgment to pick the winners.

Contest deadline: Monday, July 10--plenty of time to revise one sentence, right?

Have fun! Then send me your work.

Lynn

Celebrating One Year as a Blogger

It has been one year since I started this blog. Over the past 52 weeks, I have written 145 posts. The site has had over 64,000 page views (one page view = one click on a post) from people like YOU. Thank you for visiting! It has been great fun to share ideas on business writing with people around the world.

According to Google, Yahoo, MSN, and the other search engines that bring people to this blog, I have had visitors from at least 96 countries, which I mark on the world map in my office. Is your country in this alphabetical list?

Afghanistan, American Samoa, Antigua and Barbuda, Argentina, Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Belgium, Belize, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Brazil, British Virgin Islands, Bulgaria, Canada, Chile, China, Colombia, Costa Rica, Croatia, Denmark, Dominica, Dominican Republic, Ecuador, Egypt, El Salvador, Ethiopia, Finland, France, Germany, Great Britain, Greece, Honduras, Hungary, Iceland, India, Indonesia, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Ivory Coast, Jamaica, Japan, Jordan, Kazakhstan, Kenya, Latvia, Libya, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malaysia, Malta, Mexico, Mongolia, Morocco, Namibia, Nepal, Netherlands, New Zealand, Nicaragua, Norway, Northern Ireland, Oman, Pakistan, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal,  Puerto Rico, Romania, Russia, Rwanda, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, Slovakia, Slovenia, Solomon Islands, South Africa, South Korea, Spain,  Sri Lanka, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand, Trinidad and Tobago, Turkey, Uganda, Ukraine, United Arab Emirates, United States, Uruguay, Vietnam, and Zambia.

Note: Although it was time consuming to list all these countries alphabetically, it was the right thing to do if I care about my readers--I do! 

The number one topic people read about on this site is writing condolences. In any given day, at least a hundred page views are for my posts on condolences and on how to say thank you for condolences. I am gratified that I have been able to provide information on condolences and other difficult messages for people all over the world.

I look forward to another year enriching my life and yours.

Lynn

Advice on Special Salutations

I regularly get questions from readers who want to know the proper salutation (greeting) for a letter to someone in a particular role or special job. Here are questions I have received about greetings in letters:

1. How do I address a husband and wife when the wife is a Ph.D. and the state superintendent of schools?
   Answer: Use "Dear Mr. and Dr. Smith," or call the wife's office to find out which title she prefers.
2. Is "Ladies and Gentlemen" acceptable to address a large group of employees?
   Answer: Yes, it is acceptable. Other options are "Dear Associates," "Dear Employees," "Good morning, everyone," "Greetings," and other salutations that suit your business culture. 
3. How do I address three teachers in the same letter?
   Answer: Use their names with courtesy titles, like this: Dear Mr. Devine, Mr. Pule, and Ms. Schneider:
   Or use a generic title, like this: Dear Teachers:
   The second choice is less formal.
4. How do I address readers in a letter introducing our company? We do not have the names of the people who will receive the letter.
   Answer: Use a category greeting, like these:
     Dear Art Lover:
     Dear New Neighbor:
     Dear Lifelong Learner:
5. If I am writing to two people--say a husband and wife--whose name do I use first?
   Answer: If you are using courtesy titles, the husband's name traditionally comes first, like this:
     Dear Mr. and Mrs. Reyes:
   If you are using first names, either name can be first:
     Dear Gloria and Juan Carlos,
   If one of the readers deserves more deference (respect) because of age or status, use that person's name first.
6. What if I am writing to someone, and I do not know whether the person is a man or a woman?
   Answer: Try to find out whether the person is a man or a woman by phoning the office or doing Internet research. If you cannot find the answer, use both first and last name:
   Dear Santosh Pandya:
   Note: I regularly receive letters addressed to "Mr. Lynn Gaertner." The greeting is an immediate signal that the reader does not know me and did not bother to learn about me.
7. What if I am writing to a government official from another country, and I don't know the proper greeting?
   Answer: If you cannot find the proper salutation in a reference book, telephone the office of the official and ask for guidance.
   Note: Just yesterday Dawn, who works in an international pharmaceutical firm, phoned a Canadian government office to inquire about the correct greeting. She wrote to me, "The person I spoke with thanked me and seemed very pleased that we would inquire!"

Notice that Dawn's inquiry (above) created a positive international exchange. Her approach is far preferable to just guessing about the proper salutation and risking a stupid mistake.

For more information on greetings in letters and email, see this post. Or purchase The Gregg Reference Manual, in which I find most of my answers.

Feel free to send a question but be sure to use a subject on your email. Otherwise, I will simply delete it as spam. Sorry!

Lynn
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Other search spellings: salutiaton, salutaiton, salutaion, saluation, greting, wirting, writting

Writing to Young Teens

My daughter, who is nearly 12, received a notice about a summer camp. It said:

Become immersed in a week of adventure, peer bonding, and community building. Challenges include orienteering, rock climbing, sea kayaking, and camping. Mobile camps--every day is a field day! Small group sizes--14 campers max! Ages 11-14. Rite of Passage!

Was that description written for her, or her parents?

I asked my daughter whether the camp sounded good. She gave a thumbs up (that is how she shows she likes something) to orienteering, rock climbing, and sea kayaking. She frowned at camping. She was not sure what mobile camps were, but she did not like the sound of them. She did not know what "rite of passage" meant. I asked what she thought of the idea of "peer bonding." She said, "It's okay if it's with your friends." Community building? Ho hum.

As a communication with a young teen, this notice failed. As a message for a parent, it is passable.

How can you write successfully to young teens? Ask some young teens. Find out what appeals to them, what does not appeal, and what language they use.

The Seattle Public Library has a summer teen program that speaks a teen's language. First off, programs focus on food. Events at the library are called "Doughnut Drop-In," "Cupcake Break," and "Pizza Finale," each featuring a teen's favorites:

Celebrate the end of summer with pizza, books and fun! Drop off a book review. Haven't been up to see the roof lately? Join the tour after the program.

Even "Movie Madness" focuses on food, with this description:

Enjoy snacks and an assortment of interesting documentary and anime movies throughout the summer!

There is no peer bonding or community building at the library--it's all online gaming, urban legends, and book discussions with root beer floats.

When you write to teens, write to teens. Send their parents a different message.

Lynn

Proposals--Where to Focus

Let's talk about what to focus on in proposals. Should the focus be on your products and services? Should it be on your reasonable fees? On your client satisfaction rates? On your expertise in the industry? On your uniqueness?

The answer to all the questions above is NO. Your focus should be on YOUR READER--that is, YOUR POTENTIAL CUSTOMER.

Today I led a writing class for a group of smart, sophisticated program managers in a small, successful high-tech firm. Their basic goal was to write proposals faster and more efficiently. As a group, we listed the questions their readers would be asking when reading the company's proposals. The group thought their readers would ask questions like these:

• What do you offer me?
• How can you help me?
• How will your product affect me and my customers?
• Is your product easy for me to use?

I added questions like these:

• Do you understand my problems, opportunities, and challenges?
• How can you help me solve my problems, build on my opportunities, and meet my challenges?

Once we listed a lot of questions the readers would be asking, we read excerpts from the group's proposals. We found that although the clients would be interested in me, the proposals were all about us. There was a clear disconnect between what their clients would be asking and what they had included in their proposals.

Luckily, it is not difficult to shift the focus from yourself to your reader. Here are some steps to take:

1. Describe the client's (reader's) problem, situation, challenge, or opportunity. Show that you understand it.
2. For every product or service you propose, tie it to your client's problem, situation, challenge, or opportunity. Without that tie-in, your product or service has no value.
3. When you must write a proposal without a clear understanding of the client's specific problem, challenge, etc., write about the problems and challenges of the client's industry.
4. Use the client's company name. Use you. Instead of saying "Our product allows the user to . . . " say "Our product allows you to . . . ."
5. Offer insights and information that have value beyond the proposal. This information illustrates the value you bring to the client.

When you write to a potential client, remember WIIFM--What's in it for me? That should be the focus of your proposal.

Note: The June-July issue of my free newsletter, Better Writing at Work, is about adding zing to your writing. Subscribe here. If you write proposals and sales documents, you may also like this article, "Don't Sell a Thing--Sell a Vision."

Lynn
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Other search spellings: propsal, prposal, propsoal, writting

I.e.--Don't Even Think About It

In writing classes, participants often ask about the abbreviation i.e. They want to know how to capitalize and punctuate it. But my response goes beyond those questions. I recommend not even using it.

Here is my explanation: Almost no one knows what i.e. means. I can say this because in writing classes I ask everyone to write a definition of i.e. Here is what I find:

About 40 percent say i.e. means "for example."
About 35 percent say i.e. means "in example."
About 15 percent have no idea what i.e. means.
About 10 percent say i.e. means "that is."

Only the 10 percent who say that i.e. means "that is" are correct.

As a business writer, would you use an abbreviation that only 10 percent of your readers understand? I would not--and that's why I never use i.e.

I.e. means "that is."  The abbreviation comes from the Latin id est. These sentences use i.e. correctly:

• Nigel works the night shift, i.e., midnight until 8 a.m.
• This landscaper suggests only native plants, i.e., ones that are naturally part of this ecosystem.
• Margie is a strict vegetarian, i.e., one who eats absolutely no products derived from animals.

These sentences use i.e. incorrectly:

• I like historical mysteries, i.e., books by Elizabeth Peters and Anne Perry.
• Let's begin with an activity to loosen up the group, i.e., a verbal scavenger hunt.

The two sentences above need "for example"--not "that is." Therefore, i.e. is wrong.

The correct abbreviation of "for example" is e.g. from the Latin "exempli gratia." However, because of the confusion between i.e. and e.g., I always spell out the phrase.

Here are a few rules I recommend:

1. Avoid i.e. because it is rarely understood. If you must use the abbreviation because of limited space, be sure that you intend the meaning "that is."
2. Use e.g. sparingly. It too is often misunderstood. Be sure your meaning is "for example."
3. When you use any of these expressions, insert commas around them: for example, that is, i.e., e.g.
4. Although foreign words are usually italicized when used in English documents, do not italicize i.e. and e.g. (according to The Chicago Manual of Style). I have italicized them here to single them out in the sentence.

I.e.? Don't even think about it--i.e, don't use it in business writing that must be understood by all.

Lynn
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Other search spellings: abreviation, abbreviaton, idest, exmaple, emxaple

Make Time to Walk the Dog

The other day I was parked at the post office, when I noticed a woman walking a dachshund. At the corner the dog stopped walking. The woman gently tugged the leash, but the dog did not budge. It just stood there in the sun. Then it lay down on the sidewalk. The woman spoke softly to the dog, then just stood there next to the dog lying on the sidewalk. A minute passed; nothing changed.

Intrigued, I asked the woman if the dog was tired or ill. She responded, "No, he just likes to lie in the sun. On sunny days, our walks can take forever."

I have been thinking about the woman, her patience, and--some would say--her overindulgence of the dog. I like that she understands a walk will take a long time on a sunny day. I imagine that she plans sufficient time when it is sunny, or she doesn't walk her dachshund. Otherwise, either she would be frustrated by the dog's sunny rests, or the dog would be annoyed by being dragged down the street.

What does this blog post have to do with writing?

Allow enough time.

If you know it takes two days to write a proposal, allow at least two days to complete it. If you don't have time now to respond to your email, don't spend time reading it--read it when you can respond. If you know it will take a few days to incorporate changes in a major report, build those days into the writing schedule.

Don't frustrate yourself by allowing too little time to write. Remember the woman with her dachshund: On sunny days, a walk can take forever. Enjoy the walk. Allow time to reflect and revise. Reach the end with everyone pleased about the outcome.

Lynn

URLs and Email Addresses: A How-To

We deal with email addresses and website addresses (URLs) every day, but how should we render them in sentences? Stuart, a reprographics officer in Dorset, England, suggested I write on this topic. It is an excellent idea, and I am happy to offer guidance.

Here are guidelines on how to punctuate, capitalize, and divide email addresses and URLs:

When an email address or website address comes at the end of a sentence, consider whether your readers may mistakenly think that the period (full stop) at the end of the sentence is part of the address. If you think your readers may be confused, use one of these approaches:

1. Restructure the sentence so that the address is not at the end of the sentence.
2. Set off the address, like this, with no period (full stop):
   Please visit my website at:
   www.syntaxtraining.com

The Microsoft Manual of Style for Technical Publications suggests the above approaches. However, The Chicago Manual of Style states:

"Other punctuation marks [other than the slash] used following a URL will readily be perceived as belonging to the surrounding text. It is therefore unnecessary to omit appropriate punctuation after the URL. . . ."

I admit that I used to simply omit the period (full stop) at the end of a sentence that ended with a web address. But now when I create a document online, I typically use a hyperlink with a period at the end of the sentence, which I hope is clear to all. It looks like this: Please write to me at lynng@myaddress.com. When I believe my reader may be confused, I use the Microsoft approach.

Here are some other rules:

1. When you refer to a website--not an address--use normal capitalization, like this:
   the TypePad website
      
2. When you use a website address, do not capitalize any part of it, like these: http://www.typepad.com and www.businesswritingblog.com. However, when you are citing a file at an address, do not alter any capitalization. For example, if you make the letters PDF or BBW lower case in this address, you will get an error message:
   http://www.syntaxtraining.com/PDF/BBW_082406.pdf
    
3. Use the preposition at to introduce both email and website addresses, like this:
   You can order the lantern at www.rei.com.
    
4. In a printed work, if you must break an address at the end of a line of type, do it in one of these places:
   --After a double slash (//) or a single slash (/)
   (Note: The Gregg Reference Manual breaks before a single slash.)
   
   --Before a tilde (~), a dot (.), a comma, a hyphen (-), an underline (_), a question mark, an at symbol (@), a number sign (#), or a percent symbol (%), like this:
   http://press-pubs.uchicago
   .edu/founders/
    
5. Never add a hyphen to an address in order to break it at the end of a line. Just break it, like this:
   http://www.computerclassrooms
   inseattle.com
6. If a company name has an apostrophe (for example, Papa Murphy's), do not use it in the website address (www.papamurphys.com). Apostrophes are not allowed in URLs.

Please let me know if you have other questions about email and website addresses. And thanks to Stuart, the reprographics officer in Dorset, who asked me to address this subject. I admire his interest in getting it right for the sake of his customers.

Lynn

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Other search spellings: emial, meail, adress, hypen, hyphan, capitalzation