Business Writing

When Words Speak Louder Than Actions

Do you agree with the statement below?

When it comes to people knowing how well I do my job, my actions speak louder than words.

Last week in a workshop I led, all but one person agreed with it. But the workshop was on communicating in resumes and cover letters (covering letters). And in those communications, actions do not speak at all. Here is why: the reader of your resume (curriculum vitae, CV) and cover letter never observed you and your actions on the job. Your words on the page must do all the speaking.

The same is true if you need to write a business bio, self-appraisal, or proposal. The reader of those documents typically has not seen you in action. Therefore, your words must speak about how effectively and creatively you work, about the special talents you bring to your work, and about what you have accomplished.  The words will suggest to your readers what you are capable of accomplishing for them.

Having your words speak is a challenge if you are shy or hate to brag about yourself--or if you rely on your actions to speak for themselves. Here are some practical resources:

1. Peggy Klaus, author of Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It, lists some inspiring questions on her website. Here is one of them: What do you like/love about your job/career? The questions help you focus on your strengths and joys at work and in life so that you can express them. By the way, her book is excellent.
2. Marcia Yudkin, marketing expert and author of lots of books on marketing, has great before-and-after examples on her website. She has excellent tips and "makeovers" of bios, press releases, home pages, brochures, self-introductions, and other pieces.
3. My article, "Writing About Ourselves: Bragging Without Blushing," has plenty of tips on using words to communicate your actions.

If you know of good resources on writing about ourselves (from a business perspective--not journaling), please post a comment here or email me. And feel free to write about yourself in your message!

Lynn
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Alternate search spellings: exmaple, wirting, bizness

A Great Tip on Email Subjects

Last week I taught Email Intelligence for a favorite client company. When I asked for additions to my 25 rules for email etiquette and efficiency, I got eight good suggestions. Here, with my elaboration, is an excellent suggestion to make email more efficient for your reader:

When you send an email to someone at another company, don't use their company name in the subject line. Why? They know their company name, and it will not help them recognize, act on, sort, or file the message. Instead, use your company or personal name.

Example: Your company is ABC Corporation. You are writing to XYZ Limited. Change this subject line:

Construction Bid for XYZ Limited: Southeast Pier

to this:

ABC Construction Bid: Southeast Pier

Even though calling the email "ABC Construction Bid: Southeast Pier" will not help you sort the message, it will help your reader handle the message efficiently--and that is more important. If all your messages on this topic start with "ABC" in your subject line, your reader can sort them easily.

Another aspect of this tip is that if you receive a message with an unhelpful subject, change it before you file it. At XYZ, for example, if you received the weakly named message from ABC, you would change it to recognize that it is from ABC before filing it.

If you have guidelines or great ideas on email efficiency, please share them.

Lynn
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Other search spellings: emial, etiquitte, ediquite

What the Customer Wants

In Seattle, Washington, USA, where I live, today is the first really hot day of the summer. It is 94 degrees Fahrenheit (34.4 Celsius). Because of the unusual heat (unusual for Seattle), I wanted to learn how to run my car's air conditioner most efficiently. So as my husband drove my daughter and me home from an event, I looked in the owner's manual of the 2004 Mazda for information about the air conditioner.

In the index, I looked for an entry for Air Conditioning--there was no such entry.

I looked for Cooling--no entry.

I tried Cold--nope.

I tried Heating--no again.

My daughter wisely suggested Temperature Control--no entry.

My husband earnestly suggested Environmental Control--no such listing.

Since I could not find anything in all of our guesses, I opted to read the entire index. Because that proved too boring, I flipped through the owner's manual--and found an entry about the air conditioner.

Do you know what Air Conditioning was called?

Climate Control.

By that time, we were pulling into our driveway at home, but I at least I found the information I was looking for. I can apply it the next time I drive in the heat.

No doubt you understand how my experience applies to writing. It's a lesson for people who write manuals, procedures, textbooks, and other documents in which people search for information.

The lesson is this: Think about what the reader/customer wants. Think about what the reader/customer is looking for. I did not want to control the entire climate! (So why call it Climate Control?) I wanted to know how to run the air conditioner!

Now that I have written about the bad language choices and indexing in the owner's manual, I have cooled off. Thanks for reading.

Lynn

Proofreading Perfection

Do you get frustrated when, despite your best proofreading efforts, an error slips by? It happens to everyone, including me.

In yesterday's E-Tips ezine from Upwrite Press, I found an excellent description of the investment one company makes to ensure that its documents are free of errors. In the ezine, Brenda Stefanowski, executive assistant of Weekenders USA, Inc., provided a list of eight departments and people who review a new form or communication after it is created but before it is used:

1. The department requesting the form
2. The accounting department, which tracks the costs, sales, tax, and shipping numbers
3. The customer service department, which interprets and answers questions
4. The IT department, which creates the SKU [stock number, "Stock Keeping Unit"] and sets the product up in the ordering/tracking system
5. The distribution department, which manages inventory and ships the product
6. The sales department, which promotes the product
7. A trained proofreader
8. Someone not directly involved with the project, who confirms the clarity of the message

Weekenders makes this investment because the company communicates with an outside sales force of over 10,000. But Stefanowski noted that "even with these measures in place, perfection is still a destination not yet reached."

If errors can go unnoticed in a company that has at least eight sets of eyes reviewing a document, who are you and I to expect perfection?

Lynn

Abbreviating Big Numbers

Question: Which of these abbreviations are correct?

$25 m   $25m   $25M   $25mm   $25mil

Answer: None of them if the reader does not understand them.

Last week I heard from David, a proofreader in international banking, who wrote about standard abbreviations for millions and billions. In an industry in which a typographical error can have big consequences, he has a reason to be concerned.

My research led me to the answer above. No abbreviations are correct unless the reader recognizes them and agrees with the writer about what they mean. Here is the rule in short:

When there is room for doubt, spell it out.

Checking my usual main resources--Microsoft Manual of Style for Technical Publications, The Associated Press Stylebook, The Chicago Manual of Style, and The Gregg Reference Manual--I found that none of them recommends any abbreviations for thousand, million, or billion. Apparently, there is simply too little agreement on their meaning. The Gregg Reference Manual points out this problem, for example:

• In Roman style, 48M means 48,000; in metric style, 48M means 48,000,000.

I wish my bank would interpret my $48,000 as $48,000,000, but I don't think it is going to happen. Therefore, I will continue to teach business writing. Please visit my website and contact me about teaching a class for you.

Lynn
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Other search spellings: milion, bilion, abbreviaton, abbrevation, abbeviation, abreviation

Winning Editors: Contest Results

Congratulations to the two winners of the Quick Editing Contest! First-place winner is Wayne Schiess, Director of Legal Writing, University of Texas Law School. The second place goes to John Cline, founder of The Speaking Company. Both did a fine job of revising the 139-word sentence.

First, here is Wayne Schiess's version:

*******************************************************
Requirements:
The Contractor must be an expert in human-resource development, with the skill to use a variety of teaching and learning methods--including technology-based methods--to consult with management and employees. Specifically, the Contractor would carry out these four functions:

1. Management adviser. Advise on ways to develop and maintain a balance between an organization's strategic plans and its human-resource development programs;
2. Training planner. Carry out systematic studies to determine the immediate and long-range training needs of employees in complex fields such as information technology, science, and engineering;
3. Motivational trainer. Provide training to reduce problems of employee morale, excessive employee turnover, and low employee productivity;
4. Career counselor. Provide career counseling to help employees identify realistic career goals and get required skills. Consult with management and employees on changing technologies, obsolete workforce skills, and the challenges of organizations in transition.

*******************************************************

Although this version is virtually the same number of words as the original, it feels shorter. Breaking up the mega-sentence into short chunks helps create that feeling. But using simpler language also makes the content seem like a breeze to read. The job titles such as "Management adviser" and "Training planner" help readers immediately recognize whether the job is a match for them.

Here is John Cline's edited version:

*******************************************************
Candidates for this Contractor position should be knowledgeable and skilled in applying human resource development (HRD) learning theories, principles, and methods. Proven experience working with management to develop and maintain the balance between an organization's strategic plans, goals and HRD programs is required. Candidates should also have experience in providing consultative services utilizing a wide variety of learning methods including technology-based methodologies.

Duties and responsibilities include:

• Conducting systematic studies at a facility to determine the immediate and long-range training needs of employees engaged in complex work (e.g., information technology, science and engineering).
• Evaluating employee morale problems, excessive employee turnover, and instances of low productivity relative to training opportunities.
• Providing career counseling to employees to assist them in identifying realistic career objectives and obtaining required skills through training initiatives.
• Providing consultative services relative to changing technologies, obsolete workforce skills and the challenges of organizations in transition.

*******************************************************

Like the other winning version, John Cline's entry  breaks the original long sentence into logical chunks, and it provides four bullet points with excellent skimmable headings. Unlike Wayne Schiess's version, which uses crisp, plain words, John Cline's uses much of the sophisticated language of the original sentence. Examples:

• Schiess: Help employees identify realistic career goals and get required skills. 
• Cline: Assist them in identifying realistic career objectives and obtaining required skills.
• Schiess: Consult with management     Cline: Providing consultative services
• Schiess: technology-based methods     Cline: technology-based methodologies

Both writers have done an excellent job of breaking up the long sentence. Schiess has gone a step further and rendered the job requirements in wonderfully plain English. Cline has kept the sophisticated flavor of the original, an approach that is often required when we edit other people's work and when the edited version must fit with other job listings. Cline's language is likely to appeal to the HRD professional, who (in my long experience in the field) uses methodologies as often as methods.

What do you think about the two versions of the job requirements? Does one of them make the job sound more appealing to you? Does one make the job or the employer sound more demanding? Does either version suggest a higher salary? Please post your comments.

Congratulations and many thanks to these two winners!

Lynn

Hyphenation Information

Doubts about hyphens drive people nuts. In my business writing classes, people regularly raise anxious questions about hyphen/no hyphen and word open/word closed. I just got an email from a client who had three hyphen questions, so I am inspired to supply some Hyphenation Information. (I capitalized and bolded the phrase purely on whim. Perhaps someone can use it in a hip-hop lyric. And yes, hip-hop is hyphenated.)

Here is the basic thing to know about hyphens: They are used to show the reader that something is connected. If you were writing a newsletter article in a really thin column, you would use hyphens to show that word parts are connected, like this:

I am inspired to supply some Hyphena-
tion Information. I capitalized it and
bolded it based purely on whim. Per-
haps someone can use it in a hip-hop
lyric. . . .

Those hyphens tell the reader, "Don't stop. Connect this part to the next part." That is the same message a hyphen in a compound word communicates, like these:

• a follow-up message (It is not a follow message or an up message; it's a follow-up message. The hyphen tells the reader to connect follow and up.)
• two 4-door sedans (There are not four sedans; they are not door sedans. They are 4-door sedans. The hyphen tells the reader to connect 4 and door.)

Using the same logic, you will see that these are correct:

• nuclear-free zone
• three-story building
• 314-page book
• toll-free number
• well-read clients

Confusion can arise because the expressions are not hyphenated when they come after the word they describe, like these:

• I sent a message to follow up.
• The sedan has four doors.
• This zone is nuclear free.
• The building has three stories.
• The book is 314 pages long.
• The number is toll free.
• The clients are well read.

Another difficulty is that the need for hyphens in particular expressions changes over time. For example, we used to write micro-wave oven, but we now use microwave exclusively. Desk-top publishing was once common, whereas now you will typically see desktop publishing. People used to do post-doctoral studies, but now their studies are postdoctoral. The logic behind these changes is that once an expression becomes commonly understood, the hyphen is no longer needed. The expression can be closed up into one word.

Many people still write e-mail. In fact, all these reference books hyphenate it: Microsoft Manual of Style for Technical Publications, The Associated Press Stylebook (even the just-published edition!), The Chicago Manual of Style, and The Gregg Reference Manual.

Despite all the published experts, I close up the word: email. Since we are all familiar with the term, I see no reason to hyphenate it for our reader's understanding. However, when I write for a client, I use the style my client prefers. (Rule: Write for your client and your reader.)

Here are the questions my client sent me today, with my answers based on research:

1. Which is correct: setup fee? set-up fee? or set up fee?
   Answer: setup fee. Setup has evolved to one word as an adjective (as in her question) and as a noun: "What a great setup!" However, it is two words as a verb: "Please set up the system for me."
2. Which is correct: toll-free numbers? or toll free numbers?
   Answer: toll-free numbers. (No doubt tollfree will soon be accepted.) But "The numbers are toll free." (See explanation above.)
3. Which is correct: follow-up training? or follow up training?
   Answer: follow-up training. (See explanation above.)

As for the hip-hop lyrics, let's see:

Had some consternation 'bout the hyphenation. Got some information, now I'm in formation with the hyphenation. Hear my declaration: I say Punctuation is Power.

Yes, you are right: I had better keep my day job as a business writer.

Lynn
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Other search spellings: hyphentation, hyhenation, hypenation, hiphenation, hyfenation, puntuation, pucnation, puncatuaion, puncatiaon, puncuatiaon, puncation, gramar, grammer

Make the Right Choice

This weekend my daughter was thrilled to have saved enough money to buy an iPod. Several times, when I was in the middle of something, she wanted to talk about iPod features, colors, and accessories. I had several choices:

1. Ignore her.
2. Ask her to leave me alone until I was finished with what I was doing.
3. Stop what I was doing and talk.

I chose number 3. I stopped what I was doing and talked with her about the thrill of owning an iPod. The rationale for my choice involved seeing the big picture and looking beyond the moment:

• Big picture: My relationship with my daughter is more important than the work I was doing (on the weekend!).
• Beyond the moment: My daughter will soon be a teenager and will not be interested in talking with me.

What does this incident have to do with writing? As writers, we need to see the big picture and look beyond the moment.

Example: In classes, I love to share excerpts from two different flyers mailed out by Sunnyland Farms, an Albany, Georgia (USA) mail-order company that sells nuts and candy:

• Excerpt from Flyer 1: We do not ship chocolates between Mother's Day and October 1. They melt.
• Excerpt from Flyer 2 (a later flyer): We do not ship chocolates in hot weather. Order now, freeze them, and enjoy all summer.

Number 1 thinks short term about the issue of customers trying to order chocolates in July, when the candy melts in mailboxes. The excerpt does not increase sales and profits--in fact, it does the opposite.

Number 2 thinks big picture and long term. It recognizes that Sunnyland Farms is in business to sell chocolates, and it encourages customers to buy.

This weekend someone wrote to me for advice about how to handle a message she had been CC'ed on. It was a complex question with issues about responding (must she?), forwarding (should she?), and potential bad feelings (what if?). I did not understand all the ramifications. So I gave general advice about looking at the big picture when making a writing decision:

• Never behave in a way that will publicly embarrass others. (Such behavior has a boomerang effect.)
• Never do anything just because it's the right thing to do. Do it because it's the right thing to do and you have the responsibility to do it.
• Always give people the benefit of the doubt.
• Always assume that there is a good possibility that you are wrong. (I am shocked at how often I am wrong.)
• Always take the high road. Do not join others who are behaving "down and dirty." In the long term, you will be pleased that you refrained.)

As a writer, go beyond the question "Why am I writing this message?" Ask "Why am I in business?" and "Why am I on the planet?" These big-picture, long-term questions will help you make the right choice as a writer and a human being. 

Lynn
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ediquite, etiqueete, etiquitte, ediquitte

AP Stylebook 2006

The Associated Press has just published a new edition of its style manual. Like the 2004 edition, it is called Stylebook and Briefing on Media Law. But this one is spiral bound, with the year 2006  on its cover. It sells for $13.75 plus shipping.

If your 2004 edition is in good condition and you are on a book budget, you probably don't need this new volume. I will tell you about the new entries of interest to business writers.

These new entries are simple listings to show how to render the word or phrase:

--air bag (two words)
--census (lowercase unless referring to the U.S. Census Bureau)
--Central Asia (defined as including Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, and Uzbekistan)
--driver's license
--home schooling, home-schooled, home-schooler
--hot spot (two words)
--inbox (one word)
--K-9 (a simple listing--no explanation)
--mecca (lowercase for uses other than the actual city)
--Myanmar (name of the country, language, and inhabitants; you can also use "Myanmar people")
--retarded ("mentally retarded" is preferred)
--Rhodes scholar (lowercase the words scholar and scholarship)
--sergeant-at-arms (a simple listing--no explanation)
--SEAL, SEALs (for the U.S. Navy special operations force)
--Shiite, Shiites (spelling for the branch of Islam)
--Taser (trademark for electronic device or stun gun)
--20-something (a simple listing)
--USA (no periods)
--Yahoo (trademark)

Among the updated company listings are these, which come with brief details of their histories: AT&T, Chevron Corporation, Royal Dutch Shell PLC, Shell Oil Company, and US Airways.

Here are other updates:

• disc, disk. This entry is updated but not different. Disk is used only for computer-related references, such as hard disk, and medical conditions. Other uses are disc.
• earthquake. This listing adds two recent earthquakes: in the Indian Ocean on December 26, 2004, and in South Asia, on October 8, 2005. It also gives the URL for the best source of earthquake information.
• gay. This word is now preferred over homosexual except in clinical contexts and references to sexual activity.
• Hawaiians. Use this term for members of the indigenous ethnic group; for people who live in Hawaii use "Hawaii resident" or "islander."
• transgender, transexual. AP recommends using the gender pronoun (he/she) preferred by the individual. If the preference is not known, use the pronoun that fits the way the individual lives publicly.

There are also updates in the sports section and the sections on media law and filing stories, but those are probably not of interest to business writers. I know I never consult them.

Finally, these entries have been removed from the new edition: blog, COBOL, FORTRAN, sex changes, Venator Group, and Woolworth's.  Also, the Metric Conversion Chart is gone. It's no surprise that we no longer need to know how to render COBOL and Woolworth's (I drank cokes at the soda fountain there as a girl), but I wonder about leaving out the conversion chart. I guess we don't need to worry, since AP provides a link for a megaconverter in the new volume.

Those are the differences. You decide if the spiral binding and bright new cover are worth $13.75.

Lynn

Disburse Vs. Disperse--Wrong!

Some people talk about their mistakes in therapy. Some write about their mistakes in diaries or journals. I write about mine here. That way, I may save other people from making the same errors.

The mistake: disburse vs. disperse.

My mistake was thinking that disburse meant "distribute methodically" while disperse meant "scatter." WRONG!

Disburse means "distribute money." Disperse means "distribute or scatter." Disperse applies to everything except money.

You can disperse knowledge to your students. You can disperse an unruly crowd gathering in your lobby. (And the crowd itself can disperse.) You can disperse flyers about your upcoming sale.

But if it is money you want to distribute, disburse it. The word comes, in part, from the French word for purse, bourse. If it comes from your bourse, disburse it.

This might seem like a small error. Indeed, it is. The problem is that I have dispersed this misinformation to people in my writing classes.  If a small error is repeated many times, does it become a big error?

My office is filled with excellent reference books, which I always consult before putting a rule in writing to pass on in classes. That is why I don't know how I got disperse/disburse wrong. But wrong I was.

I hope you get two things from this post:

1. The difference between disperse and disburse
2. The fact that experts are sometimes wrong, even with the best intentions

If you have any mistakes to share, please bare your soul here. Of course, please limit yourself to mistakes in business writing.

Thanks!

Lynn
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Other search spellings: bizness, bisness, writting, eror, dispurse