Business Writing

"Through-Put Maximization" or Grains of Rice?

Congratulations to science writer Paul Haase. He just won $1,000 for explaining "through-put maximization" in plain language using grains of rice. According to today's Seattle Times, Haase won the money in a challenge sponsored by Doug MacDonald, secretary of the Washington State Department of Transportation.

The challenge was to explain the concept "through-put maximization," which transportation experts understand as "moving the maximum number of vehicles through a stretch of highway at the maximum speed," according to the Seattle Times story.

Haase explained it this way:

"The physics of car-flow in a highway resemble those of rice poured through a funnel. If you pour slowly, you get little out, but if you pour too fast, the rice clogs and you get little--or nothing--out either. Car-flow involves similar thinking. For any highway there's a particular in-between speed that moves the most vehicles under typical conditions."

Haase used an analogy. He compared the complex concept of optimal traffic flow to something familiar--rice poured through a funnel--to help the audience understand easily.

You can use analogies whenever you need to make abstract concepts understandable. Use them to explain technical information, systems, or processes; define terms; and help readers relate to unfamiliar situations.

For tips on using analogies effectively in business writing and teaching, see my article "Imagine This: Using Analogies."

Lynn

On to New Year's Wishes

Update on December 27, 2011: For New Year's greetings, read this post.

If you--like me--have not yet mailed all your business and personal holiday greetings, you are probably too late for Hanukkah and Christmas. However, you--like me--are just in time to send New Year's greetings. (This thought sustains me.) So I wanted to help you with that tricky New Year's punctuation and capitalization.

These are correct:

• Happy New Year!
• We wish you a beautiful new year.
• Happy 2007!
• We look forward to working with you in the new year.

These also are correct:

• We send you New Year's wishes.
• We will see you New Year's Eve.
• On New Year's Day and every day, we wish you joy and happiness.

The point is that New Year's Day and New Year's Eve have apostrophes. Of course, New Year does not. And if you are referring to the holiday, it is capitalized: New Year's Day. But if you are simply referring to next year, it is not: in the new year. (Although "Happy New Year!" is standard.)

In December 2005, I wrote message templates for New Year's greetings. You can find them and other suggestions on New Year's greetings here.

Happy holidays! Happy New Year!

Until next year--week,

Lynn

The 101st Customer

The flight attendant was serving drinks, and I was sitting in the first seat of the coach section of the plane. She gave me my tomato juice, and I said thank you. When she served the person next to me and the person next to her, they both said thank you. On the other side of the aisle, the next passenger said thank you after being served. The flight attendant announced, "What a polite crowd! I love it!"

I asked her whether passengers are usually polite. She responded, "I can serve snacks to 100 people and not get a thank you until the 101st."

Although it was disappointing to learn of the sorry state of people's manners, it was good to know something else--that it mattered. The flight attendant noticed and she cared.

In any kind of communication, I like to think that manners and kindness matter. In business writing, I believe it is right to greet readers by name, ask rather than order, and express thanks. Especially if yours is the 101st message of the day, you may be able to lift someone's spirits. I know we brightened our flight attendant's trip, each with a simple two-word phrase.

In any communication, we have the power to delight or disappoint. It's all in our language and attitude.

The latest issue of my free e-newsletter, Better Writing at Work, tells how to use language to create a positive experience for your reader and yourself. For a free subscription (and a guarantee of no pestering), sign up here. 

Lynn

Writing to Jrs. and Srs.

In the mailbag, the topic of salutations in letters comes up at least a few times a week. Recently Chris wrote to ask a question I had not heard before:

If a person's full name ends in Jr. or Sr., should I format it as "Dear Bob Smith, Sr.:" or "Dear Bob Smith, Sr:" (without the period/full stop after Sr)?

The answer: According to the rules of letter etiquette, neither is correct.

In a greeting, we do not use Jr., Sr., M.D., Esq., or other abbreviated terms after the name. Also, generally we do not use both the first and last name. So in Chris's example, the correct salutation is:

Formal:     Dear Mr. Smith:

Informal:   Dear Bob:

The other issue Chris's question raises is whether we can use a period/full stop before a colon. Yes, we can. Example:

Here is what will happen at 6 p.m.:

I cannot think of any situation in which a salutation would end with a period/full stop, however. That is why I used a sentence as an example.

Chris, I hope this answer helps.

Lynn
____________________________________________________________
Other search spellings: puncutation, slautuation, slautation, saluation. 

See You on the 80th!

I recently read an auto-response from a client, which announced that he would return to work on Tuesday, the 80th. Of course, this was a typing error. Unfortunately, though, it was impossible to tell when he would actually return. Did he mean Tuesday, the 28th of November? Thursday, the 30th?

This short post is just a reminder to proofread your out-of-office response very carefully. Thousands of people may read it in your absence.  It would be a shame to confuse that many people.

By the way, I am out of the office visiting relatives in New Jersey and Florida. Back on the 80th--I mean the 18th!

Lynn

Holiday Greetings--By Email?

A reader wrote to me yesterday to ask whether it is proper to email holiday cards to customers and vendors. Interesting question! To respond, I will share my own thinking process.

Whenever I confront a question about my business communication, I ask myself a few questions:

• Why am I writing?
• What do I want my reader to do?
• What do I want my reader to think or feel?
• How can I help my reader do, think, and feel as I intend?

When I think about my own holiday greetings, I answer this way:

• Why? I am writing to send holiday greetings to my clients and vendor-partners.
• Do? I want my clients to think of me when they need help with their business writing. I want my vendor-partners to work happily with me in 2007.
• Think or feel? I want my readers to be pleased that I have thought of them during the holidays. I also want them to think that I am organized enough to get greetings out on time. (This is a challenge for me.)
• How can I help them do, think, and feel as I intend?
  I can send an actual card through the mail. If it is an attractive card, they may post it on their bulletin board or show it to others. If it is a really lovely card with a thoughtful message, they may save it.

My solution is to send actual cards rather than emailed greetings. I try to pick out beautiful cards, although this is tricky because people's tastes differ. I know that I am successful at least sometimes because I have had two clients tell me that they kept my cards and framed them to display in their offices. 

One of my clients sends out greeting cards that everyone in the office signs. It is fun to read their brief messages and signatures.

Your answers to the questions above may be different. If your relationship with certain people is by email only, an emailed holiday card may make sense. However, when you send something in an envelope, you can add your business card, a bookmark, or a small gift.

My only caution about holiday greetings is to avoid asking for business in them. A greeting is a greeting. You may say "I look forward to serving you in 2007," but avoid writing "Please call me for an estimate." That approach is tacky.

Whatever approach you take, enjoy the process. Thinking of others should be a pleasure.

Lynn

Writing Your Year-End Review

For some lucky employees, now is the time of year when their company rewards them with an annual bonus. If they have met or exceeded their goals for the year, they receive a bonus--sometimes a percentage of their salary and sometimes a fixed amount.

Bonuses are not automatic. Often employees have to evaluate their own performance, telling their manager (and anyone else who approves the bonus) how well they have done in accomplishing their goals.

For you enviable readers who are expecting a bonus, here are a few tips on how to write about your performance this year. The rest of us can use these suggestions anytime we are describing our accomplishments or writing a self-appraisal.

1. Begin with a strong, positive opening statement.
   Example:
   "I met or exceeded all my goals this year, in addition to taking on the unexpected role of interim supervisor."
2. List the details of what you have accomplished. That way, even a manager who does not work with you closely will see that your accomplishments are impressive.
   Example:
   "I achieved my goal of rolling out a new payroll manual. To do so, I gathered all the procedures from the six plants, rewrote and edited them, and assembled them in both hard copy and online manuals, which are now available throughout the company."
   Example:
   Rather than saying "I trained Alvira, Yusef, and others," list the names of every person you trained.
   Example:
   Rather than writing "I worked toward my goal of improving my financial reports," list the classes you attended, the books you read, and any details showing that you actually have improved your reports.
3. Answer the unstated question "So what?" for each of your achievements. For the examples above, you would describe the positive companywide impact of the new payroll manual, the significant work which the people you trained are now able to accomplish, and the contribution your improved financial reports have made to the organization's effectiveness. Use data wherever possible, especially data showing that you have saved or made money for the company. Describe how your strong performance has made your team, department, division, or company stronger.
4. If you have not met a goal but must write about it, include it in the middle rather than at the end of your list of goals. (The reason for including it in the middle is so that you will be able to end strong.) State whatever you have done to work toward the goal.
5. Avoid blaming anyone else for your inability to meet a goal. Use a passive verb construction to avoid blame, like this:
   "I did not achieve my goal of meeting our international partners because funds for travel were not approved." It is not necessary to state that your manager did not approve your travel request.
6. Be complete. Use complete sentences and bullet points rather than quick phrases such as "Web content revisions." Remember that your manager may not recognize brief notes.
7. Write for pass-it-on readers. Sometimes a senior manager or someone in the personnel department must approve your bonus. That person will benefit from details, complete sentences, and spelled out versions of abbreviations and acronyms.

For more suggestions and guidelines on writing your own performance review--and writing about your accomplishments--read the article "Writing About Ourselves: Bragging Without Blushing" on the Articles page of our website.

Enjoy your bonus!

Lynn