Business Writing

How to Punctuate Captions

Kristi wrote to ask about punctuating captions. She was told that there should never be any punctuation at all in photo captions. She asked about a caption something like this:

Drivers Bill Long and Joy Rae Craig log on to the new system.  

Kristi's caption needs a period (full stop) at the end because it's a sentence.

If she had written just a phrase or clause, she would need no period:

Drivers Bill Long and Joy Rae Craig logging on to the new system

If she has several photos with captions--some sentences and some not--she should be consistent and use periods at the end of all of them. (These rules are according to The Chicago Manual of Style; the Microsoft Manual of Style agrees.)

But Kristi wondered if there should be any punctuation at all in captions. To answer her question, let's look at this example with no punctuation:

Drivers from left to right Bill Long Joy Rae Craig Delia Smith and Hugo Washington log on to the new system

If we don't want to drive our readers crazy, we have to punctuate:

Drivers (from left to right) Bill Long, Joy Rae Craig, Delia Smith, and Hugo Washington log on to the new system. 

The comma after Smith is optional.  

While we are talking about commas, should there be a comma after drivers in Kristi's examples? No. We need to know which drivers, so no comma. However, the sentence below needs commas because the drivers' names are considered extra information.

Our two newest drivers, Bill Long and Joy Rae Craig, log on to the new system. 

We already know they are the two newest, so their names are not necessary even though we want to include them. The rule is to use commas to set off extra information that interrupts the flow of the sentence.

Now that I have been writing about captions for Kristi, I will be examining the next few captions I read. Why don't you do so too?

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

Don't Pile on the Topics in an Email Reply

Today in "How to Write Email That Gets Read and Gets Results," which I presented for the Washington Society of CPAs," we talked about our pet peeves, things that slow us down and drive us nuts as email readers. An auditor shared one of her pet peeves that I'd like to pass on to you. Here is what she said, as I recall it:

"As an auditor, I write to people about very specific topics. I am careful to craft a subject line that is very precise, and I continue to use that subject as we email back and forth on the same topic.

"The problem is that people include all kinds of information on other topics--not what I wrote them about--and they use the same subject. I have the hardest time filing those messages so I can find the information again."

I couldn't have described the problem better.

Here is my advice: To avoid driving your readers crazy as they read or attempt to file your messages, limit your messages to just one topic--especially when communicating with an accountant, attorney, project manager, financial advisor, or another person who works on specific projects or issues with you. Whenever you want to introduce a new topic, start a new message.

If you want to help other people change their email behavior, give them my booklet "110 Tips for Sending Email That Gets Read--and Gets Results." You might circle tip Number 17, "Do not introduce a new topic when you reply to an email. If you do, your reader may miss the new information or be unable to find it later." The booklet fits in a No. 10 business envelope.

Happy emailing.

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

Naming Your Blog and Newsletter--Think Big

The other day in a Better Business Writing seminar a librarian named David asked for ways to generate ideas for his blog and weekly newspaper column. He was looking for creative ideas on new topics to cover.

When David asked for ideas, he happened to mention the name of his newspaper column. It was something like "New on the Shelves."

No wonder he was struggling to think of topics to cover! What's new on the shelves is just too small a category. I suggested David make the title of his column much broader. He might try something simple like "On the Shelves," which would give him great latitude in his choice of topics, things like:

--Books by an author or in a specific genre
--Old favorites, new favorites, sleeper favorites (ones that didn't get noticed when they came out)
--Books set in a place that's in the news
--Recipe books for the holidays
--Bilingual books
--Novels written in first person
--Books about presidents, musicians, scientists, etc. 
--Books about elections
--Books made into successful movies
--Books that make great gifts

When you choose a title for your blog, newsletter, or news column, be sure it's big enough to hold everything you may want to write about. With the title of this blog, "Business Writing," I will never run out of things to cover. But if I had called it "Writing Procedures," I would get stuck dreaming up worthwhile posts on procedures.

My monthly e-newsletter, Better Writing at Work, similarly gives me plenty of room to grow and move. (Subscribe for free here.)

Don't fence yourself in. When you are thinking of a title for your blog, newsletter, or news column, think big. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

Too Busy to Be Kind?

I was teaching Better Business Writing the other day, and we were talking about communication style differences. An attendee told me something like this about her boss:

"My boss never says please, thank you, hello, or anything nice in email. He just tells me to do things. For instance, he'll send an email that says 'Don't forget to include these figures in the proposal' or 'Be sure this goes out in today's mail.'"

When I asked her whether she thought it was simply a style difference between them, she said, "Maybe, but it's very rude."

Could you be that rude boss? If so, take a few seconds to spread a little kindness. I timed myself typing the words below. Notice how little time it takes to communicate kindness and consideration. 

Please. (2 seconds)
Would you please (3 seconds)
Thanks.  (2 seconds)
Thank you! (3 seconds)
Thanks very much. (4 seconds)
Good morning. (3 seconds) 
Hello. (2 seconds)
I appreciate it. (4 seconds)
I hope you had a great weekend. (5 seconds)
Enjoy your lunch. (5 seconds) 

Isn't it worth it to invest a few seconds to raise an employee's morale? If you are reading this blog, I bet you enthusiastically agree. But if the boorish boss is part of your team, why not share this post? Maybe he will even thank you.

Good luck!

Lynn
Syntax Training

Is Your Reader Ignorant?

I have been working on improving my Spanish, so every chance I get I spend a few minutes doing Spanish language exercises. Yesterday I was finishing an easy Spanish crossword puzzle whose theme was food, in a college Spanish workbook. But a few of the words just didn't fit. I was trying to force salchicha (sausage) into a 7-letter space, lechuga (lettuce) into a 6-letter space, and pollo (chicken) into a 4-letter space. I thought the puzzle must be misaligned somehow.

But I finally realized the puzzle wasn't wrong. I was.

Do you know what I was I doing wrong? If you speak Spanish, you may be able to figure it out.

**********

What I had forgotten is that in Spanish ch and ll are considered single letters. So salchica IS a 7-letter word. The same principle applies to lechuga and pollo.

How ignorant could I be? Well, if ignorant means "unaware," "uninformed," or "unacquainted with," I fit right in. I had not realized those "two-letter" letters counted as one in Spanish crosswords. And the author did not inform me or remind me of that fact. He apparently did not see the puzzle from my perspective.

How often do we do the same thing to our readers and documentation users?

Do our readers recognize our acronyms and abbreviations? (Probably not.) Do our readers know the definitions of our technical terms? (Maybe not.) Do our readers recognize our professional jargon? (Maybe, but is it convincing or helpful to them?)

A great way to ensure that our writing is at the right level is to test it with sample readers. As a sample reader, I would have quickly told the puzzle author, "I don't get it! Pollo doesn't fit where it should." 

A good step when editing procedures is to follow the steps exactly, especially procedures online. Several times each week I find myself lost in instructions. For instance, I am directed to click the "Presenter Instructions" link, but the link is actually labeled "Presenter Resources." That type of inconsistency wastes readers' time and makes even a sophisticated user feel ignorant. 

Who is ignorant when it comes to the documents we write? We are, if we don't consider our readers' needs, experience, and vocabulary. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

Dear Reader: More About Salutations

About 70 percent of the questions I get from readers are about salutations for business letters. Here are some recent ones. For much more about letter and email greetings, see the links below.

Question: We are sending out a mass mailing to inform our patients of a change within our practice. We do not want to address each patient by name or sound too informal by using Dear Sir/Madam or To Whom It May Concern. What do you suggest? 

Answer: Try addressing them in their category, such as "Dear Patients and Friends." This approach works for addressing many kinds of groups such as neighbors, art lovers, and hobbyists ("Dear Neighbors," etc.).

Question: If I am writing a casual business letter to Mr. John R. Smith III, should I use "Dear Mr. Smith" or "Dear Mr. Smith III"? The full name appears in the address, so there won't be any confusion with the father, who may work closely with the son.

Answer: According to The Gregg Reference Manual, abbreviations such as Jr. and Sr. are not used with a surname (last name) alone. Gregg also leaves out abbreviations such as Esq. and Ph.D. in the greeting. Given that pattern, I recommend "Dear Mr. Smith." The formality or casualness of the letter is not a factor.

Question: Students must send original thank you notes to the donor of their scholarship. In the past, the donor of a particular scholarship was a married couple. Now they are divorced. It does not seem appropriate to request that students write two original separate thank-you notes for one scholarship. What is the correct salutation they can use on one letter?

For example, the original donors might be John and Jane Smith, but now this couple is divorced and they both still have the same last name. Mr. Smith has remarried but Mrs. Smith has not. Should the salutation be "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Smith"? What is an alternative?

Answer: The student should write two thank-you notes, one to "Dear Mr. Smith," who donated the scholarship, and the other to "Dear Mrs. Smith" (the first one), who also donated. If you happen to learn that the first Mrs. Smith prefers Ms. as her title, change your records and the greeting.

I have covered salutations extensively in the posts listed below. If you don't see what you are looking for, try a Google search of this site, or send your question. Unfortunately, I am unable to respond to individual questions and still earn a living, but I will try to answer them here.

Salutations in Letters and Email

Advice on Special Salutations

When Doctors Marry

Do I Have to Call You "Dear"?

Using Commas With Names and Greetings

Writing to Jrs. and Srs.

Writing to Same-Sex, Same-Name Couples

Addressing a Widow

How to Address a Married Woman

Lynn
Syntax Training

A Historic Day or an Historic Day?

Since Tuesday, November 4, commentators throughout the world have been speaking and writing about Barack Obama's election as President of the United States. I have been reading about what "an historic occasion" and "an historic event" his election is. 

I agree about the historic nature of Senator Obama's election. However, I have some issues with the grammar. 

The article an is correct before historic if the word is pronounced "istoric." A is the correct article if the word is pronounced "historic," beginning with an h sound.

In print, at least in the United States, where the word is normally pronounced with an h, the correct written form is "a historic."

Here's the basic rule: If the word begins with a consonant sound, the correct article is a. If the word begins with a vowel sound, the correct article is an. Read more about this subject in my earlier post here.

Don't make a/an error in grammar! Be sure to choose the correct article. (In the first sentence in this paragraph, choose an.)

Lynn
Syntax Training

Surprising Your Customers

Last week my 14-year-old got her braces off. After several years of teeth expanders, retainers, and braces, as of last week, she has beautiful, straight teeth.

At the end of her orthodontic appointment, the staff at the clinic sang to her, a lively tune called "You've Got Your Braces Off!" They gave her a helium-filled balloon that said "Congratulations!" They also gave her a treat bag filled with foods that had been forbidden when her teeth were covered in wire: microwave popcorn, a Snickers bar, lots of chewy Sunburst candies, and other sugary delights. 

All that fanfare was a grand surprise. We had no idea my daughter's new grin would be celebrated so creatively. It made us laugh, smile, and nearly cry.

As a business writer, what can you do to surprise your readers? What kind of unexpected treats can you provide to bring them delight? Here are a few ideas:

1. Deliver early. If a customer is expecting your proposal by the end of the day on Friday, get it there on Thursday or early on Friday.

2. Do the work for your readers. For example, instead of asking "How do you want to handle this situation?" offer several alternatives. Rather than writing "Call me to schedule," call your reader to schedule. Instead of sending a link to a long document that you know your reader will print, send a printed copy.

3. Send useful information to customers, clients, executives, peers, and others. "Here's an article on _____, which I know you are interested in" is a welcome message. Marketing expert Marcia Yudkin recently sent a valuable article, "33 Keys to Thriving During a Recession," to all her newsletter subscribers--and invited them to pass it on. Enjoy Marcia's article. I am happy to pass it on to you.

4. Surprise your readers with something of value: helpful tips, a calculation chart, a relevant quotation, a useful analysis. In my newsletter article, "Add Zing to Your Writing," I attached a PDF of a card-sized reminder of the main points. It was worth the few minutes to make the card to be able to offer my readers an unexpected tool.

Do you have ideas for surprising your customer-readers? Please share them.

Lynn
Syntax Training