The other day I sent out a reminder to people who would attend the public Better Business Writing class yesterday. In it, I wrote:
Class begins at 8:30 sharp.
The sentence felt too schoolmarmish--as though I would give a detention to anyone who arrived late, and maybe whack them with a ruler. At the same time, I wanted people to know we would start at 8:30 a.m.--not any later, even if they weren't there.
I changed to this sentence:
We will begin promptly at 8:30.
"We" signaled inclusion. "Promptly" said we would be efficient. No detentions, no stings.
I thought you might appreciate the example.
Lynn
Syntax Training
That's an excellent example of why it's always good to reread before sending an email. Even the simplest sentences can sometimes be made so much better!
Posted by: Val S. | March 08, 2010 at 05:27 PM
This is such a nice post about positive language.I am so impressed with your example of positive language and yes I do appreciate your example.There is clear different in that sentence.
Posted by: dean graziosi | March 22, 2010 at 10:37 PM
Val, I agree with your point: That is why we keep sharpening our skills.
Hi, Dean. I appreciate your enthusiasm!
Lynn
Posted by: Lynn Gaertner-Johnston | March 24, 2010 at 11:55 AM
Hi,
I am a Chinese. Happenly come to this website via google search. I think this is a very good example. I will take a note. Thanks.
Emily Sun
Posted by: Emily Sun | April 01, 2010 at 08:09 AM
Hi,
I love writing English and I really love your site. I never thought of positive language seriously, especially the greeting and ending of the message when I traded lots of emails with my colleagues during my routine work. I'll be more considerate.
Thanks so much for the tips.
Preeyawat
Posted by: preeyawat. chulvanij | June 22, 2011 at 09:33 PM
Preeyawat, thank you for taking the time to comment here and for subscribing to my newsletter. I am pleased that you enjoy writing in English and reading about it.
Best wishes,
Lynn
Posted by: Lynn Gaertner-Johnston | June 23, 2011 at 07:59 PM
Simple, yet significantly superior! I deal with the same time travails for my training sessions & this sentence is just the right one for a corporate, adult-learner audience. I do appreciate it!
Posted by: Leela | August 22, 2011 at 04:15 AM
Hi, Leela. I am glad you appreciate "We will begin promptly." I am pleased with it too.
Lynn
Posted by: Lynn Gaertner-Johnston | August 22, 2011 at 08:59 AM
I'm so pleased to read your note on positive language and the example really drives the point home. I too belong to the teaching fraternity and do make efforts to consciously use positive language.
I'll look forward to reading your further posts on positive language.
Posted by: Joy Anuradha | September 21, 2011 at 12:12 AM
Thank you, Joy. I appreciate your comment.
Lynn
Posted by: Lynn Gaertner-Johnston | September 21, 2011 at 08:48 PM