Business Writing

Proofread Your Slogan Too, Scammers!

Today a friend sent me an example of a typo at the end of an email. It appeared in the company slogan:

OBSESSED WITH BEIGN THE BEST

I burst out laughing at the beautiful irony of the error, as he had done.

But before I offered it up here for your amusement, I decided to do an Internet search to see whether other business writing experts had already written about the funny typo. My search for "OBSESSED WITH BEIGN THE BEST" led to just one site: a blog called Scam E-mails.

I should have known that a legitimate company would have had too many eyes on the email blast to let the misspelled slogan slip by. Silly typos and errors are the mark of amateur scammers.

If you get the email from Tony, supposedly of The Secret Shopper Company, delete it. The Secret Shopper Company is now AboutFace. I bet the real company, unlike the scammer, is obsessed with being the best.

Thanks to Terry in Dallas for giving me the heartiest laugh of my day!

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

Email Replies: A Hard Lesson at Steve Jobs' Expense

This past week I was reminded of worst practices for email, unfortunately at Steve Jobs' expense. My Comcast Internet featured a video from Good Morning, America, an ABC news show. The video cobbled together a story of email gone wrong between Apple CEO Steve Jobs and a college journalism student.

Here is the short version: The student phoned and emailed Apple's media relations department with a question about the use of an Apple product in higher education. She received no reply, and because she needed the information for a journalism assignment, she emailed Mr. Jobs directly. According to Good Morning, America, Mr. Jobs' three--yes, three!--emails to the student comprised the statements below.

1. "Our goals do not include helping you get a good grade. Sorry."
2. "We have over 300 million users, and we can't respond to their requests unless they involve a problem of some kind. Sorry."
3. "Please leave us alone."

It was the final message, "Please leave us alone," that drew the most ridicule in the video.

I am sorry to see a business leader looking bad in the media. But at least we can take away these lessons:

• Do not put anything in email that you would be embarrassed to see on Good Morning, America or on everyone's computer.
• Do not communicate with a customer or a potential customer when you don't have the time or inclination to do it well.
• Do not tell customers or potential customers to leave you alone. What if they all did?

I feel a degree of empathy with Apple and Steve Jobs. Although Apple is a huge successful company and Syntax Training is a tiny successful company, we too receive email we don't have the time or staff to answer. We end up doing the best we can to send personalized automatic messages and to try to keep up. Yet we know some email just doesn't get answered, and we hope people will try again when messages fall into the proverbial cracks in our email system.

What lessons do you glean from Mr. Jobs' off-message message? And do you reply to all your non-spam email? Please share your insights here, and I will do my best to respond!

Lynn
Syntax Training

Tips to Help Smartphone Readers

For those who read their business email on smartphones, we need to take steps to keep them happy. Below I have listed a few tips that smartphone readers in writing classes have suggested.

And since I won't be getting an iPhone for a few weeks and can't speak from my own experience, would you please share your suggestions too? If you read your email on a mobile phone, jump in and help us write better for you.

Helpful Tips

1. As with any business email, write succinctly, with the main points at the beginning, less important details at the end. Many smartphone readers won't get past the beginning before clicking to the next message.
2. When you are replying, do not embed your answers in the other person's original email. Include your answers at the beginning of your reply. Otherwise, your reader may need to scroll through lots of text to find your important content. And the embedded answers may be difficult to spot.
3. When your email includes an attachment, paste essential content from the attachment into your email. Don't make your smartphone readers open an attachment for must-have information. It may be too much trouble for them, and it's not fun to read endless text on a small screen.
4. Think twice about including images. A few phones won't display the images in your email, and others won't clearly display words that appear in images.
5. Recognize that employees may not be able to access your intranet from their phone.
6. Know that your readers may not bother to click your links because of slow-loading Internet pages.
7. If you regularly write to people who read their email on an iPhone, a Droid, a BlackBerry, or another device, find out how you can meet their needs better.
8. Forgive those who send odd, all-thumbs messages. Of course, they are all thumbs.

What do you wish for as someone who reads email on a phone?

Lynn
Syntax Training

"Discrete" and "Discreet"--Two Discrete Words

Yesterday a friend asked for feedback on the resume she had just written. In her resume, she mentioned a job in which she had provided "discrete, confidential secretarial support."

But discrete means "separate, distinct." My friend wanted the word discreet, which means "prudent; showing prudence and self-restraint."

Here is an easy way to choose the correct homonym:

When the e's are separate, the word means "separate." When the e's are together, the subject described "has it together," which is a slang way of saying the subject is prudent.

Test yourself by filling in these blanks with the correct form, discrete or discreet:

1. There are two ___________ steps in the process.

2. Please be ____________ when you discuss Carl's situation.

3. He was very __________ when he spoke about his previous employer. 

4. Our department is a ____________ unit in the editorial division.

Were the correct answers obvious? Mine are (1) ete, (2) eet, (3) eet, (4) ete.

If you are sighing and wondering why you were not aware of the two discrete/discreet forms, it's time to buy or borrow a reference book. Be sure you are not mistaking other word pairs such as complement/compliment, principal/principle (many people use principle incorrectly), and peak/peek/pique. (You pique someone's interest.)

For quick instruction, I recommend my 60 Quick Word Fixes. I also like Jan Venolia's The Right Word: How to Say What You Really Mean.

Which word pairs have you mastered in the past few years? Which do you wish others understood? Please share your secrets.  

Lynn
Syntax Training

Essentials of Emails That Sell

I am working on business writing skills with a team that writes emails to sell their company's product. Here are the 12 essentials for sales emails I created for them. Would you add any essentials to this list?

1. Grab the client in the subject line and opening sentence. Create a reason to open the email and read it.
2. Focus on just one purpose in each message. Don't make the client (or you as the writer) go in different directions.
3. Focus on you--not on I, we, or your company. Clients focus on themselves--so should you.
4. Describe benefits to your client--not features or deliverables. Excite your client with possibilities.
5. Write to this client--not any client or clients. Use his or her name, and be specific in your offer.
6. Provide value in each sales communication--don't just check in or follow up.
7. Ask for action. Give the client a clear step to take. If there is nothing to do, your client will delete and forget the message.
8. Show the benefits of taking action. What's in it for the client to renew, buy now, or schedule a meeting with you?
9. Communicate positively. For example, don't change the client's program--upgrade or enhance it.
10. Be concise. Use short, powerful sentences that don't string readers along.
11. Format for easy access to content. Help your clients find information fast.
12. Be professional. Follow the rules of business writing.

The list is concise and focused on getting results--just like effective sales emails.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Writing to the Assistant to Reach the Physician

Susan, who works for a healthcare research organization, wrote to ask how to start an email when she is sending it to the assistant for forwarding to a physician. Susan usually uses this approach, but she wonders if it is correct:

Dear Ms. Young on behalf of Dr. Jones, 

I wonder why Susan doesn't simply write to Ms. Young and ask for her help:

Dear Ms. Young:

I am writing to ask you to please forward this invitation to Dr. Jones. The invitation is . . . [Here Susan tells Ms. Young why the invitation will interest Dr. Jones. Without such information, Ms. Young is likely to delete the message.]

After the brief introduction and a thank-you to Ms. Young, Susan can insert a visual break and begin again:

******************************************

Dear Dr. Jones,

I use this method when I send email to training managers for forwarding to employees who will attend business writing classes. Although the roles are different in my situation, the method works well. 

How do you get email to an executive through his or her assistant? Or if you are an assistant, which approach moves you to forward a message to your executive?  Please share your thoughts.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Friendly Advice for Job Seekers

I got an email this week from someone who is looking for an opportunity to become a business writing teacher. The individual happens to live just a two-minute walk from my house. She introduced herself briefly, attached a cover letter and resume, and signed her email this way:

your unemployed neighbor,

Jane Doe [not her real name, of course]

Seeing Jane's signoff, can you guess my friendly advice for job seekers?

Friendly advice: Don't be overly friendly!

Even if a friend recommends that you contact someone (which was not the case with Jane), be friendly but professional--not informal. You are not writing to a friend or family member. Follow standard rules for business writing such as capitalizing the first word of the complimentary close. And use a standard close such as "Best regards"--not "Your unemployed neighbor." If you have doubts about your message, ask someone in your professional network to review it for you.

In Jane's email, she said "informality seemed more appropriate" than a formal business letter, since I live one block from her. But Jane was writing to me about the possibility of a professional job. Is informality appropriate in such a job-search message?  

No.

Do you have business writing advice for job seekers? Please share it.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Writing Lesson From REI

REI is running its Labor Day sale, and the flyer I received from them contains gems of persuasive writing. In a two-page spread of tents and sleeping bags, notice how REI sells in just a few words:

• For a tent: "Meet your family's second home. Taut and weather-worthy, the 4-person dome pitches easily so the kids can help and then be off exploring in no time."
• For another tent: "Lighten your backpack (not your wallet) with this award-winning 2-person, 2-door tent."
• For a sleeping bag: "Warm night? Place the side with less insulation on top. Cooler night? Flip it. You'll love the roomy fit and zip-open quilt option, not to mention the low price."
• For another sleeping bag: "If cold-weather camping's your bag, or if cool nights feel cold to you, nab this temp- and budget-booster."
• For a screen house: "Bye bye, bugs. Sets up over your picnic table or lounge area for shade and no-see-um mesh protection."
• For an insulated pad: "Set your alarm, because you'll sleep like a log on this thick, insulated pad."

Here's what the copywriters at REI do well:

• Focus on just one or two key benefits that will grab their readers.
• Use you and action verbs (lighten, place, set, flip) to put their readers in the outdoors using the REI equipment.
• Use short, crisp sentences.
• Use simple, specific language that paints a picture.

REI is one of my customers for business writing classes. They know the value of good writing, and they invest in business writing skills. Although I can't take credit for their copywriting department, I can certainly admire their work. Don't you?

If you are in the U.S., I wish you a happy, long Labor Day weekend. If you are elsewhere in the world, enjoy the beginning of September.

Lynn
Syntax Training