Business Writing

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Syntax Training | Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

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March 16, 2012

Comments

Darin Ramsey

Totally redundant statements like "I'm writing to you today to offer you the opportunity..." are irritating and unprofessional. This, or any variation on that theme, exposes how little time went into the copy, and if they won't spend time on it, why should I?

Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

Hi, Darin. Thanks for the helpful comment. "I'm writing to you today" is a good example of what not to do in sales messages. Sometimes that clause works, but normally it is a waste of words.

Lynn

Christian

Could we start with an impacting question to attact the attention of the reader?

- Have you ever need...?
- Do you think that will be useful to...?
-How useful will be to have xxxx in your company?

Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

Hi, Christian. Good thinking! A question can be excellent to engage the reader at the start of a sales message. However, when it requires a yes-no answer, a no from the reader can end the conversation.

Thanks for commenting.

Lynn

medyumlar

Totally redundant statements like "I'm writing to you today to offer you the opportunity..." are irritating and unprofessional. This, or any variation on that theme

Complynn

I wish more sales correspondence would use "we can" instead of "you should" language.

When I see "You simply must call..., for ...!" my reaction is "Nope, I simply will not."

Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

Medyumlar, I agree with you about "I am writing to you today." It is a waste of words and space.

Thanks for commenting.

Lynn

Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

Complynn, thank you for your excellent observation and example.

Lynn

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