Business Writing

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Syntax Training | Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

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February 15, 2017



Loved this exercise! Thank you for posting.

Tamara D. Davis

I liked this exercise! I didn't get my word count down as much as you did but had I spent more time with it, I think I would've done much better.


Great post (as always), thank you Lynn! I noticed you removed the period at the end of each bulleted sentence in your revised version. Is that a rule?

Stacy Benefield

I got mine down to 55 words!

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• Revised list of restricted activities
• Details on new cloud-based service providers
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See our Policy Updates Page for full details.

Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

Hello Cassie, Tamara, Enrique, and Stacy,

I'm glad you liked this exercise. I see many bulleted lists with similar problems--I hope you will spread the word to help people recognize how much better their bullet points can be.

Enrique, I removed the periods because my revised bullets are not sentences, and they don't complete the stem sentence structurally. See this post for more detail:

Stacy, you win! I love how you began each bullet differently and made it so concise. "Highlights include" is brilliant.

Everyone: I didn't notice in the original bad list of bullets how awkward the introductory words were for the bullets. So let me point out now that "Updates include--we're updating" is clumsy wording.

Thanks for trying the exercise and sharing your results!


Stephanie M.

Thanks for the opportunity to keep practicing and keeping my skills sharp! I spent about 10 minutes as well, and with your help, learned how I could have further reduced words.

Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

Stephanie, I'm glad you found the exercise helpful!


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