Business Writing

New Year's Wishes for 2012

People from around the world have been writing to me in search of the correct wording for new year's messages to their English-speaking friends and associates. To help them, I have composed these brief messages as models. I hope you find them helpful.

Note to international readers: If the message says I, it is from one person. If it says we, it is from more than one person or from a business. When you change the subject from I to we (or we to I), the verb stays the same. (Example: "I wish" and "We wish" are both correct.)

Happy 2012! I wish you a new year filled with prosperity, joy, and contentment. [for anyone]

Happy 2012! I wish you a beautiful, magical new year! [for anyone]

On New Year's Day and every day, we wish you joy and fulfillment. Happy new year! [for anyone]

We wish you a new year filled with wonder, peace, and meaning. Happy 2012! [for anyone]

I hope you are blessed with delight, fulfillment, and peace in the new year. [for anyone, has a spiritual feeling]

I wish you a wonderful new year filled with abundance, joy, and treasured moments. May 2012 be your best year yet! [for anyone, especially a professional]

I hope 2012 is a year of great happiness and success for you. Have a wonderful new year! [for anyone, especially a professional]

We are grateful for our work with you in 2011, and we look forward to working together in the new year. Happy 2012! [for a client]

Thank you for being a customer at our ______________. [fill in a word or a phrase such as hair salon, restaurant, gym, health club, or store.] We look forward to serving you in 2012. We wish you peace, happiness, and abundant good health in the new year. [for a customer]

Thank you for staying with us. We wish you a beautiful new year filled with peace and gladness. We look forward to seeing you again in 2012. [for a hotel guest]

Thank you for your business in 2011. It has been a pleasure helping you reach your goals, and we look forward to serving you again in the new year. We wish you a prosperous and wonderful 2012! [for a customer or a client]

We are delighted to have you as a customer, and we look forward to serving you in the new year. Have a terrific 2012! [for a customer]

We wish you great happiness in your new home. Have a wonderful new year! [for someone who has moved]

We wish you abundant success and joy in your new location. Happy 2012! [for a business that has moved]

I am personally grateful to each one of you for your tremendous efforts, and I wish everyone a rewarding, joyous new year. I look forward to working with you in 2012. [to a group of employees and associates]

I appreciate your contribution to our success this year. I wish you peace, joy, and fulfillment in 2012. Happy new year! [for an individual employee or associate]

My examples are generic so that you can use them in a variety of situations. However, the more personalized your message is, the more sincere it will feel.

Happy 2012 to you, dear reader! I hope your new year is filled with joyful learning, abundant opportunity, and pleasure in all you do.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Who Should Save Face--You or Your Reader?

I recently emailed a friend to invite her to lunch. I suggested that we meet at the Portage Bay Cafe on Roosevelt. When she wrote back to say yes, she said she had visited the Portage Bay Cafe website, and she wanted to know whether I would like to meet on Terry Avenue, Market Street, or Roosevelt. She recommended Roosevelt as the most convenient location. 

I knew there were three locations. I had already suggested the restaurant on Roosevelt in my invitation! Should I tell my friend that, implicitly criticizing her for not reading carefully?

I didn't want to make my friend feel silly, so I responded, "The Portage Bay Cafe on Roosevelt is perfect."

Today I received an email reply from a business friend who said she had not called me me because she had misplaced my phone number. I scrolled down beneath her reply and saw my original message, with my signature block, including my phone number.

Should I write in reply, "My original message included my phone number," insinuating that she should have looked for it?

That approach seemed foolish and unfriendly to me. I replied simply with my phone number.

In these situations, I let my friends save face rather than pointing out that I had already given them the information they needed. I try to do the same for clients, customers, and others, recognizing that even when I format information so it stands out, fast-moving readers buried in email often will not see the essentials. I have been guilty of the same oversight myself. 

How do you feel in such situations, and how do you handle them? Do you let people know when they have missed something in your email? Or do you simply answer their questions? Please share your experiences.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Notice: Membership Lapsed

This morning I received an email from a professional organization of which I have been a member since October 31, 1989. During those 20+ years, I have served on the board, given pro bono presentations on business writing, and attended dozens of the chapter's breakfast, lunch, and dinner meetings.

Here is the complete notice I received, with the name of the organization disguised:

Subject: Membership lapsed

Hello,

Your membership has not been renewed in time and has now lapsed:

XXXX Seattle Chapter [with URL]

For: Lynn Gaertner-Johnston, Syntax Training
Renewal date: 30 Nov 2011

Please сontact us as soon as possible.

Thank you.

Given the brevity of the email, I suspected it was spam. I cringed in fear when I clicked the link, but it took me to the organization's real website.

Reading the email, you may wonder how many notices I had received inviting me to renew before I got this one. The answer: zero. I am certain of that number because my husband and business partner gets copies of all my business email, and he didn't receive renewal notices either.

Would you agree that the email lacks something? How would you improve it?

Lynn
Syntax Training

Making People Feel Welcome

This past week I spent two days teaching a letter writing class for a large Seattle-area company. Both days the company made me feel welcome and important from the moment I drove into the parking lot.

Can you guess how they welcomed me in the parking lot?

No, not with balloons. They reserved a parking space for me--with my name on it.

"This spot reserved for Lynn Gaertner-Johnston," the sign said. But to me, it said much more. It told me that the company valued me and my work. The message becomes even more powerful when you consider that I am a vendor--someone arriving at their company to perform a service. I was not a visiting dignitary, yet I felt that way when I saw the sign.

That welcoming gesture in the parking lot made me think about how we welcome people at work. How do we communicate a feeling of welcome and importance to others through our writing?

One obvious way is to send out welcome announcements, messages that introduce new employees and encourage everyone to welcome them. Here is an example:

Welcome Pia Nielsen to Sales

I am pleased to announce that Pia Nielsen joins the Sales group as a sales assistant on Monday, April 11. Her role is to help us produce outstanding proposals, presentations, web demos, and related materials and events. She reports to Stephanie Burke.

Pia's experience is a terrific fit for the job. She comes to us from XYZ Company, where she worked first in retail sales and then as a store event coordinator. Before working fulltime, she earned her bachelor's degree in business from the University of Washington. She loves to kayak, hike, and take nature photographs. She did all three on a recent trip to Maui. 

If you are at headquarters, stop by Pia's desk on the 4th floor and introduce yourself. You can also reach her at Ext. 20203 and pia.nielsen@ourcompany.com.

Bill Richards
Director of Sales

People who read the message will learn a lot: who Pia is, what her role in sales will be, when she starts, whom she reports to, why she was hired, who she is outside work, and how she can be reached. They will also learn that the director wants her to be welcomed.

When Pia reads it, she will learn how important she is to Sales.

Have you ever been welcomed with such an announcement or gesture on the job? Or have you wished you had been?

I welcome your experiences and views on welcoming.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Writing to Associates and Friends in Japan

If you are looking for words to communicate your feelings of concern, sadness, and condolence to friends and associates in Japan in the wake of the earthquake and tsunami, I offer the examples below.

To communicate most effectively across the language barrier, I have primarily used short sentences and literal language. (The grade level of the messages ranges from 6.7 to 8.9.) To match the Japanese focus on the group rather than the individual, I have frequently mentioned the community and the country. I have left out any references to contributing money to Japanese relief efforts, which could come across as boastful. I have tried to use restraint and dignity rather than flamboyance and familiarity.

Elena M. Rodriguez, writer and editor at Pacific Press International, offered suggestions on my draft messages, based on her experience writing for Japanese professionals for 20 years. You may reach Elena at emrodATolympusDOTnet. Thank you, Elena, for your perceptive feedback.

____________________

Dear Shinichi,

As I watch my television and see the snow falling in northern Japan, I think deeply of you and the struggles your country is facing. I am touched by the bravery, collaboration, and patience of the Japanese people of all ages in the face of huge disasters.

It is very sad that the earthquake destroyed your school. I understand how important your school is to the members of your community. I look forward to supporting you in your efforts to rebuild the school in the future.

I hope that you and the people in your community will be able to obtain food, water, and all necessities and that your spirits will remain positive as you work to reconstruct your society.

I will continue to hold you in my heart and my thoughts. 

With all good wishes,

____________________

Dear Mr. Tanaka,

We are thinking of you, your coworkers, your families, and your community as you work to recover from the tragedy of the earthquake and tsunami. We are grateful that your office building in Tokyo was not affected. Yet we recognize that everyone in Japan has been affected profoundly by the recent events.

You are in our thoughts as you strive to recover and rebuild your beautiful country. We wish you strength, peace, and safety in the days and months ahead.

Sincerely,

____________________

Dear Hiroko, 

Greetings to you and your family. We are very pleased to know that you are safe! Being reunited with all your family members must have been a great joy. Thank you for telling us about it.   

Mary and I have been studying what is happening in your country by reading the news and watching TV. We are continually moved by the cooperation, kindness, and courage shown by the Japanese people in response to such overwhelming natural disasters. 

We will be thinking of you, your family, and your country as you continue to deal with the aftermath of the earthquake and tsunami. You are in our thoughts and prayers. 

Warm regards,

____________________

Dear Mr. Yamamoto, 

We are very pleased to know that you, your family, and your friends are all safe and secure. Thank you for writing to us. 

We wish you, your family, and your community continued hope, courage, safety, and well-being as you work to rebuild your lives and your country.

Sincere best wishes,

____________________

Dear Keiko,

Thank you for letting us know that you and your mother are safe. We are saddened to learn that your brother Nori is missing. We can only imagine how worried you and your mother must feel.

We hope and pray for Nori’s safe return home. We will continue to be concerned for you, and we will appreciate any information you wish to share with us regarding Nori, your family, and your community.

With sincere best wishes to all,

____________________

Dear Mrs. Eto,

Please accept our sincere condolences to you and your family on the death of your daughter Hitomi. We are very sad that she died because of the devastating tsunami like so many others in Japan. From what you have told us, we know Hitomi was a lovely young woman who brought a smile to the face of everyone she knew. 

All of us wish you peace and healing as you grieve the loss of your beloved daughter. We are thinking of you and your family in your sorrow, along with others in your country who are suffering.

With deep sympathy,

____________________

Dear Reader,

If you have ideas to share with those who want to communicate concerns and condolences to people in Japan, please share them.

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

Speaking Your Readers' Language

Yesterday a woman who lives in India, whom I will call Bala, participated in my online class How to Write Email That Gets Results. She told me that at her company a typical opening sentence of an email is this: "I hope this email finds you well." Bala wanted to know whether such an opening sentence was appropriate when sending email to US clients. 

What do you think? Is "I hope this email finds you well" an effective way to begin a business email?

In its favor, the sentence is courteous. But it doesn’t speak the language of a US or Canadian audience, in my experience. 

Rather than opening with a sentence about finding you well, business writers in the US and Canada are much more likely to dive into the subject of the email after greeting the reader by name with a "Hi," "Hello," or sometimes “Dear.”

If the writer and reader have not communicated lately, a sentence such as "I hope you are doing well" or "I hope you are enjoying this spring weather" is the US and Canadian equivalent of Bala's example. (I have emails with those opening sentences in my inbox.)

But “I hope you” sentences are not normally used in email to strangers. Those messages are likely to begin with "Dear" and the person's name, followed by a sentence about the reason for the email.  

Bala is wise to want to use her readers’ language and style. Doing so will create comfort and build trust with people across many thousands of miles.

I would like to create comfort too. For my blog readers around the world, I would like to write a post about how to communicate sympathy and caring to Japanese friends and business associates, in light of the suffering and anxiety caused by the earthquake and tsunami. Unfortunately, I don’t have enough experience with Japanese culture to know whether such messages are appropriate and if they are, which words would best express heartfelt sentiments in the face of such tragedy.

If you are or know an expert in Japanese culture, would you send me an email and share your advice? My address is lynngATsyntaxtraining.com.

I hope to do my best to speak my readers’ language. I will appreciate your help.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Giving Thanks to Customers, Employees, and Others

In the United States, Thanksgiving Day takes place on Thursday, November 25. If you have U.S. customers, clients, employees, colleagues, donors, members, consultants, or friends, Thanksgiving is a good time to remember them. The national holiday is celebrated by nearly all Americans.

Why not thank your business associates with a card, small gift, or a nicely worded email? The purpose of the thank-you gesture is to show appreciation for the people who help you succeed or make your work life enjoyable. 

Whatever type of greeting you choose to send, plan for it to arrive by Monday, November 22, or Tuesday, November 23, at the latest. The reason is that people often take the day before Thanksgiving off work, and few people work on Thanksgiving Day. Except for grocery stores and pharmacies, businesses are generally closed. 

Here are sample thank-you messages to use as templates. Use these examples to communicate your thanks by note, card, or email. 

1. Generic thank-you to customers:

Dear Julie and David,

Thank you for being our valued customers. We are grateful for the pleasure of serving you and meeting your accounting needs. [or catering needs, printing needs, shipping needs, etc.]

We wish you a lovely Thanksgiving and a joyous holiday season.

With many thanks,

2. Generic thank-you to customers:

Dear Friends at Acme,

In this time of gratitude, we give thanks for you. We value your patronage and appreciate your confidence in us. Counting you among our customers is something for which we are especially grateful.

On behalf of all of us at XYZ Company, I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving.

Sincerely,

3. Generic thank-you to restaurant customers:

Our restaurant will be closed on Thanksgiving Day, as we give thanks for all of the blessings in our lives. Among those blessings are our customers.

We thank you for dining with us and allowing us to prepare memorable meals for your special occasions.

Happy Thanksgiving! We hope to see you again soon.

4. Generic thank-you to tenants:

Dear ___________,

We are very grateful to have you as tenants in our building. We appreciate your loyalty to us in this time of real-estate flux, and we are grateful for your flexibility and patience during the lobby renovations. We hope you enjoy the beautiful new lobby as much as we do.

Please let us know anytime we can improve our service to you.

We wish you a very happy Thanksgiving.

With our sincere thanks,

___________ [person's name]
___________ [property management company name]

5. Sample thank-you to a client, coach, or mentor:

Dear Dick,

In this time of Thanksgiving, I want to express my appreciation for you. Working with you over the past two years has been an amazing opportunity for me. I appreciate your high standards, persistence, and fine sense of humor.

Thank you, Dick, for the pleasure of working with you. I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with good feelings.

Warm wishes,

6. Sample thank-you to accompany a gift:

Dear Mr. Emmanuel,

When we think about the things we appreciate, we think of you and our work with you on the Maple Heights project. The project was a challenge and a phenomenal success for us--thanks to your vision and commitment. We will always treasure that experience.

We saw the enclosed new book on landscaping by ____ [author], and we immediately thought of you. Please enjoy it with our thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving!

7. Sample thank-you to employees, accompanying a gift:

This year has been challenging for us, but we turned challenges into successes--thanks to you and your fellow employees. You have focused on the future rather than getting stuck in day-to-day difficulties. You have worked hard to help our business thrive.

On behalf of the management team, I thank you for your accomplishments this year. We are all grateful. 

Please enjoy the enclosed gift certificate as a token of our thanks.  

Happy Thanksgiving!   

8. Sample thank-you to employees:

Dear ______________ [name],

During this month of Thanksgiving, I have been reflecting on the things I am most grateful for. Primary among them is our talented group of employees.

Thank you for the work you do to make our agency great. You help us provide award-winning services to our clients. Without your commitment, creativity, and high standards, we would not be the thriving company we are. I am very grateful for your efforts.  

I wish you a Thanksgiving filled with abundance and bright moments.

Warm wishes,

______________ [name of senior executive or manager]

9. Sample brief thank-you to employees:

Thank you for everything you do to make this a successful, terrific place to work. Have a wonderful, long weekend filled with good things!

Happy Thanksgiving!

10. Sample brief thank-you to employees:

You and your coworkers have worked hard this year, and your dedication has paid off. Every quarter our financials look better and better. Thank you for your hard work and positive attitude. 

Have a joyful, abundant Thanksgiving!

If you do not have time to communicate by Thanksgiving, you can always save your greetings until December. This blog post will help you: Holiday Greetings Made Easy.

Enjoy giving thanks!

Lynn
Syntax Training

Personalizing a Mass Mailing--Yes You Can!

In my business writing classes, attendees often state that it is virtually impossible to personalize their mass mailings--both in print and in email. But I send my e-newsletter, Better Writing at Work, to more than 10,000 subscribers each month, and I greet each reader by name--if the reader has included his or her name when subscribing.

Today I received a perfectly personalized letter from CEO Fathi Said of IX Web Hosting, where we host our company website. In the message, he greeted me by name, then began with this sentence: "You have been a customer for over 6 years, and we wanted to say 'Thank you.'"

Later in the message Mr. Said mentioned that we began using IX Web Hosting services on May 24, 2004. He noted that August 24, 2010, would be our renewal date but that unfortunately the plan we are on has been discontinued. He told me that we would be switched automatically to the plan that is the closest equivalent to our current plan, and he included the cost of the new plan. 

I liked his email. It was written to me, not to "Valued Customer." Rather than providing general information such as "some customer plans will be changed," it provided specific information about our plan and how and when it would change.

If I had received a generic message from IX Web Hosting, I would probably not have read it. And then I might have been irritated when I realized our plan and pricing had changed.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you cannot personalize your customer communications. Your customers may switch to a vendor who knows how to do it. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

Being Kind Even in Disguise

This week I deleted a comment left here. The meat of the comment made sense, but it closed with this command: "Get with the times and get down off your high horse."

As a proponent of excellent, courteous business communication, I deleted the comment because it ended with a rude slap. When I emailed the writer, who described himself or herself as "Grammar Police," I explained that I welcomed a new comment without the closing statement. My message came back as undeliverable. The email address Grammar Police had given did not exist.

It's easy to attack from an anonymous disguise. But it is much more effective to make constructive, kind comments, whether we are presenting ourselves boldly as ourselves or coyly with a pseudonym.

My motto is the well known "Praise publicly; blame privately." I am weary of cloaked invective delivered online--attacks on celebrities, politicians, and others who end up in the news.  Attacking them rather than looking in the mirror is a coward's game in which everybody loses.

I also object to open criticism of innocent companies. Bloggers and commenters ridicule companies because one customer service person was having an off day or one web page didn't include the information they needed. These assaults hit victims who can't protect themselves. There is no way to throw up a shield against Internet strikes. Is that a fair fight?

I would like to see worldwide communication be supportive. I want to read blogs that praise publicly and, when they want to point out dumb behavior, do so without blasting an individual or company by name.

Am I a Pollyanna, someone who sees the world through rose-colored glasses? If so, at least I can create a rosy space here at Business Writing.

What's your view? Rose-colored? Gray? Or maybe rose-coloured? Grey? Please share.

By the way, Grammar Police was not suggesting that I get off my high horse. He/She was responding to someone who had left a comment. Not kind, not constructive.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Writing to Your Unemployed Friends and Acquaintances

I have written a lot about writing condolences to people who have experienced a serious loss--deaths in the family and environmental tragedies. 

But recently I caught part of a KUOW radio program The Conversation, which focused on Unemployment Etiquette. I realized that messages to those who have lost a job can be just as sensitive and awkward as those to peope who have experienced a death. Losing a job can be the death of an identity, financial stability, and a predictable future. And we are writing to the person who has died.

So what should we say to those who have lost a job? Here are a few don'ts:

1. Don't ask about their job search. When they have news, they will let you know.
2. Don't talk about how bad things are where you work, especially if they lost their job there. Working in hell may be preferable to not working at all. Don't complain.
3. Don't give advice unless asked for it. Offer your services as a proofreader or sounding board, and then be patient.
4. Don't criticize. Even if you know your coworker would not have lost her job if she hadn't insisted on arguing with the new boss, keep quiet. What's done is done. Besides, you can't be certain. 
5. Don't invite your unemployed friend to meet for lunch or dinner or to join you for an expensive drink or social activity--unless you can treat without either person's discomfort. 
6. Don't express judgments about how your friend is handling the loss. Unless you are walking in the same heavy shoes, you can't know how it feels. And even if you have experienced such a loss, recognize that all of us respond differently when our job and professional identify are ripped away.
7. Don't stop communicating. Your friend or former colleague is not dead--just unemployed.

  
Follow these brief dos:

1. Show you care. Communicate with the person without any motive.
2. Ask how they are feeling and what they have been doing.
3. Offer to help.
4. Invite the individual to low-cost and no-cost events. Warmly receive both acceptance and rejection of your invitations.

Try a message like one of these by email, social media channels (Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.), or a handwritten note or card: 

Hi, Jacob. I miss your smiling face at work. You were the person who brightened my day with a quick analysis of Lost or a detailed analysis of the budget. It's not the same without you.

I hope everything is going as well as can be expected. If there is any way I can help you take next steps, let me know.

Keep me posted!

Hi, Isabella,

Hello from all of us in financial accounting! We are getting together next Friday night at Daniel's apartment to watch the fireworks from his rooftop, and we want you to join us. Do it! We promise not to talk shop (too much) or ask you annoying questions. The gathering starts at 9.

Give me a call if you would like to ride with me. I would love to catch up with you. 

Dear Cullen,

I just wanted to write to say hello and let you know I am thinking of you. You left ABC while I was on vacation, and it was distressing and sad to return and learn you were gone. I miss working with you.

If you would like to attend my monthly HR networking meeting, just let me know. I would like to have you come as my guest. We meet the second Tuesday of the month.

Please call or email me. I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Hi, Renu! What's happening? Text me when you are going to be in the city so we can take you to lunch.

Stay sane!

Dear Emma,

Please accept my condolences--if that is the right word--on your job being cut. We knew the axe was going to fall on some of us, and I am very sorry yours was among the jobs eliminated.

Whatever your feelings about leaving ABC, I hope you recognize you are a star. You always did whatever it took to get the job done well, and you shared credit for the success with your team. Wherever your next opportunity takes you, your employer will be fortunate.

If I can provide a reference or help you in some way, just ask.

I want to stay in touch, and I'll check in with you next month.

Hi, Gregor. I have been thinking about you since you left ABC last month. I imagine your leaving was quite the surprise--I know it shocked all of us. You are the most passionate, expert environmental engineer on the planet. We were all stunned and saddened when we heard you were among the people let go. You are missed!

I imagine that looking for a job in this economy isn't easy, even for someone as talented as you. Please let me know if I can do anything to help. I am good at interview practice and negotiating offers, so please think of me for those tasks in particular. 

Once a month I come to your part of the city for a staff meeting. I will call you before next month's meeting to see if we can meet for coffee.

 

Claudia, how are you? I want you to know I am thinking of you as you deal with unemployment. I know your situation is not what you were expecting, and the financial impact must be severe. 

I am still walking at lunch if you would like to join me. I promise to be a good listener if you want to vent or cry.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Write. Call. Care. Express your good wishes. Offer help. Deliver on your offers. Those are ways to communicate with people who have lost jobs.

What would you add? Please share your wisdom.

Lynn
Syntax Training