Business Writing

Humor in Business Writing - Does It Belong?

Today someone sent me an evaluation of an online business writing course he had taken with me. This was his final comment:

I liked the online format. It was like being in an actual classroom, but without sitting next to the person who had a garlic and onion chilidog for lunch. Oh, sorry, that was me.

I got a huge laugh from this comment, first because the reference to a chilidog surprised me in a class evaluation, especially of a virtual class. Then his naming himself as the chilidog eater gave me another quick treat.

The surprising humor in a normally dry document brightened my morning at my desk. Humor in small, unexpected doses works well on the job.

Humor in business messages fails when it is piled on like a performance.

A few months ago I taught a business writing workshop in which someone had submitted a writing sample of meeting minutes that were filled with witty side comments. The first one or two comments were entertaining. But after that, I wondered how anyone could get through the meeting notes to review what had happened at the meeting.

When I arrived to teach the class, I learned that the man who had written the notes would not be able to attend. I started to think about how I would bring up the topic of humor in business writing with him, since we would not have the chance to meet face to face.

It turned out I did not need to talk with him. People in the class told me they had a team member who was overdoing humor. They said they had let him know gently that they would prefer he get to the point in his writing without piling on the fun and puns. As readers, they had handled it themselves.

Humor fails when it gets in the way of the message.

In writing classes, I often ask participants what they need from the documents they read at work. Only about 1 in 20 participants mentions "Make it interesting." No one mentions humor. No one.

Based on my experience with hundreds of people in classes, I can confidently say that your readers at work do not need or expect humor from you. However, I will guess that if you throw in an occasional unexpected bit of whimsy, they will love it.

What do you think about humor in business writing? Not in essays or blog posts, but in regular business messages such as email, reports, and meeting notes. Please share your insights.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Send Sales Flyers to Employees Too!

The other day I got a sales flyer by email from a specialty music company, one I often order from. The flyer featured amplifiers, and I happened to want to buy one for a gift. So I read the flyer and called the company within an hour to place an order. I acted quickly because the sales copy said supplies of certain amplifiers were limited.

I told the friendly telephone sales rep I had just received the "all electronic" sales flyer that featured amplifiers, and I wanted his advice on the best amplifier for my needs. He said he had not received the flyer, so he did not know which amplifiers I was referring to. However, he could locate the products if I gave him their names and product numbers.

I was disappointed. I expected the sales rep to be familiar with the flyer I had received and to be able to talk with me about the products on its pages. When I realized he had not seen the flyer, I silently doubted that he could help me, and I worried that he would not have correct information about the sales prices.

The sales rep saved the situation. He asked me which amplifiers had caught my attention and what I wanted an amplifier for. Then he talked intelligently about which products were more amplifier than I needed and which seemed suited to my needs. I placed an order and felt confident about the choice I had made and the price I was paying.

Retail companies go through so many steps in the sales process. They choose products to feature, set sales prices, check inventories, design flyers, write persuasive ad copy, proof the ad copy, and email sales flyers to their customers. With all those steps, it is a shame when the sales process fails because telephone sales reps are not prepared for customers.

Does your company go through an extensive process to sell products or attract clients? Is it possible that the process is weakened by a lack of preparedness for customers and clients when they call, email, order online, or stop by?

Communicate. Do whatever it takes--in writing, training, and other ways--to prepare employees for customers and clients. Send sales flyers to employees too!

What is your view? Have you been disappointed as a potential customer? Does your company do things right?

Lynn
Syntax Training

When "Rebooting" Means Grabbing the Galoshes

I accompanied my 89-year-old father to the hearing aid center yesterday. He had just gotten hearing aids and needed instruction on how to use them.

The doctor, around age 50, told my father that a tiny button on his new hearing aid would "reboot" it. My father looked at the doctor, dumbfounded. Was he hearing incorrectly? "Reboot" a hearing aid?

My father is of the age and experience that "rebooting" means putting on your galoshes, or boots, again.

When I explained that my father did not use a computer, the doctor smiled and tried again. He told my father that the tiny hearing aid button would reset the hearing aid back to its original settings. That made perfect sense to all of us.  

Know your audience!

Lynn
Syntax Training

Are English Majors Good Business Writers?

I was teaching a business writing workshop recently for an entire team at a company. Attendance was mandatory. When I stopped to look at a participant's laptop to coach the woman on her email, she said, "I don't need your help. I was an English major. I know how to write."

It was a sticky situation. Although she was an English major, one look at the message on her laptop told me she was not a good business writer--yet.

How could I tell at a glance that she didn't know how to write email?

Huge paragraphs filled the screen. Huge paragraphs do not work in business writing, especially in email.

Are English majors good business writers? Not necessarily. Not without making a successful shift:

• From well-constructed, complex paragraphs to well-constructed short chunks of text
• From big words such as "populate" to small words such as "fill"
• From long, complex sentences to short, simple sentences
• From focusing on a theme to focusing on a purpose
• From a discussion of ideas to a focus on results

English majors should not assume they know how to write for business, not without making the shifts above. I know--I was an English major, and I earned a master's degree in communication in my twenties. Yet when I remember my first business letters, I cringe, seeing my very long, dense paragraphs and my focus on myself rather than my readers.

It's no shame to have to learn to write differently for different purposes. Even Shakespeare would have to practice his craft differently if he were a business writer. Consider my experience:

I attended a recent production of "The Merchant of Venice" at the Shakespeare Theatre Company in Washington, D.C. Although I was enjoying the play, during the intermission I bought a "No Fear Shakespeare" version of it, which included both Shakespeare's original and a plain English translation. I bought it so I could be sure I understood what the characters were saying.

Below is a character's brief comment in both versions. Which one is easier to understand? Which one can you read more quickly?

Antonio:
Your worth is very dear in my regard.
I take it your own business calls on you
And you embrace th' occasion to depart.

Antonio:
You're both very precious to me. But I understand. You need to leave to take care of your own business.

I bet you are thinking we don't read Shakespeare or attend productions of his plays for quick understanding. Fair enough. But business readers do insist on being able to understand a message quickly and easily.

So English majors, can we agree to write a plain English version when we create emails, reports, proposals, recommendations, presentations, and other pieces?

We can express our literary imaginations as complexly and creatively as we want to on the weekend.

Farewell. I must away.

Lynn
Syntax Training

When Sorry Isn't the Important Word

The other day I wanted to buy salmon at my local market. When I looked at the fish counter covered with ice and various fish, I did not see any salmon, so I asked the person behind the counter if he had any for sale. He looked at me, then pointed down into the counter. I realized I had not noticed a sign.

The sign said:

SORRY

We are out of salmon.

I am not surprised I missed the sign when I was looking for salmon. After all, the sign emphasized SORRY rather than SALMON. Salmon was the final word, something I would not have seen as my eyes flitted around the icy counter. 

The SORRY sign reminded me of the importance of highlighting what your audience needs in business communication. For example, if you are writing to announce a picnic, you need to highlight the words Picnic, Date, Time, Place, Rain Date (if you live in Seattle or other rainy places), RSVP, and other information your reader will scan for to make plans to be at the event. If you are reminding people about an upcoming webinar, you may need to highlight the word Online, especially if your audience usually attends classes in person.

People do not read every word. They scan email, text messages, web pages, memos, letters, proposals--even signs at the market. Don't give them a big SORRY. Give them what they need. Format your messages to emphasize what they seek.

Have you been able to find what you need in written pieces?  I welcome your comments.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Is Social Media Overly Social?

Yesterday I reviewed the latest updates of my LinkedIn connections, after a busy period of not checking in.

I noticed that many people had written a brief update over the past two weeks. Some had written daily updates. Others had published several updates each day.

Whose do you think I read?

I read the first update each person published, so for the people who included just one update, I read their comments closely. I was delighted to learn that a client was working on retail training and had traveled to Texas to do so. I liked feeling in the know about his work.

For those who published more than one update, I read the first couple of them if I could understand them. However, if they had written a few cryptic words and added a link, I did not bother. I didn't have time to chase down information that might or might not be of interest. If their second or third updates were compelling, I read them. But I confess wondering whether their work had slowed down so they had nothing else to do, or whether they were avoiding the next big project by typing online.  

For those who published over and over--sometimes several times in an hour--I quickly ignored their updates. I considered deleting constant updaters from my connections if they were people I don't know well.  

Am I antisocial? Or as a baby boomer, do I just not understand the need to connect constantly?

LinkedIn is a professional network, so these are business connections. I am certain that none of them would call me or email me several times a day to update me on their business lives. So why do they update their network connections that often with talk about meaningful quotations, great articles, the latest news in politics, the next workshop, and the weather where they live?

Call me a curmudgeon, but for me less is more. If you write to me once a month or even once a week and share a meaningful bit of inspiration or information, I am eager for it. But if you update me several times a day with that same information, it becomes meaningless, just another drip drip drip in a constant rain of information.

My situation may be atypical because I had not checked LinkedIn for a couple of weeks. Had I visited every day, the updates would have come in a manageable stream rather than a flood. Still, does a steady stream of information communicate as much as a reflecting pool?

Perhaps my water theme just fell apart with that last metaphor. Like much that comes along in social media, maybe it was too much of a good thing. 

Are your professional social media outlets happily social? Or do they come across as frantic, too much of a good thing? Please share your honest views. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

Old Style Guides: To Save or Not to Save?

Reading The Chicago Manual of Style (CMOS) "New Questions and Answers" column today, I got a huge laugh from the final question and answer:

Question: My library shelves are full. I need to make some difficult decisions to make space for new arrivals. Is there any reason to keep my CMOS 14th and 15th editions?  

Answer: What a question. If you had more children, would you give away your firstborn? Find a board and build another shelf.

I can't add the building of a shelf to my to-do list, and my husband would not take on the task either. So I have given away my CMOS 15th edition, Gregg Reference Manual 10th edition, AP Stylebook 2008, and even my Garner's Modern American Usage, 2nd edition, not to mention a perfectly good but updated dictionary.

I used to save earlier editions of style guides, and I occasionally consulted them to compare how things had changed. Now I let them go. It doesn't matter how we used to do it. What's important is how we write today.

One exception is my Handbook of Business English by George Burton Hotchkiss and Edward Jones Kilduff, published in 1914. I like to keep it around to consult when people in business writing classes ask me, "When did they make up that rule?" In many cases I can answer, "Around a hundred years ago."

What do you do with old style manuals? Donate them to charity? Build another shelf? Prop up a child sitting in a too-big chair? Please share your secrets.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Are You Smarter Than the Average SAT Taker?

My daughter will start college in less than two years, so she is preparing to take the SAT^® (Scholastic Aptitude Test) as part of her college admissions process. She receives "The Official SAT Question of the Day" by email to help her prepare, and the ones having to do with writing get forwarded to me.

A recent question stumped most of the people who answered it. Only 34 percent of those who clicked through to the answer got the item correct. That was 34 percent of 360,480 clicks!

See how you do. Here are the College Board's instructions for the sentence:

The following sentence contains either a single error or no error at all. If the sentence contains an error, select the one underlined part that must be changed to make the sentence correct. . . . 

Here is the test sentence:

The introduction of elevators in hotels meant that previously undesirable rooms on the top floors, away from the bustle and noise of the street, became sought after and more expensive than the lower floors.

What do you think? Is the sentence correct, or must one of the underlined phrases be corrected?

Read

the

sentence

carefully

before 

checking

the

answer

below.

Okay, here is the answer: The sentence is incorrect as is. To correct it, you must change the phrase "the lower floors" to "the rooms on the lower floors." You cannot logically compare rooms with floors; you must compare rooms with rooms.

Consider that the 34-word test sentence was correctly answered by only 34 percent of respondents. The item illustrates one of my beliefs about writing: The longer the sentence, the harder it is to write correctly--and the more difficult it is for readers to follow. 

What do you think of this simpler but longer two-sentence version?

The introduction of elevators in hotels meant that previously undesirable rooms on the top floors became desirable. Away from the bustle and noise of the street, they became sought after and more expensive than rooms on the lower floors.

To receive free SAT practice materials to help you perform better on the test, visit the College Board website. To be a better business writer, practice writing shorter sentences.  

Lynn
Syntax Training

CPAs, Raise Your Standards!

Carrie wrote to me this week with a complaint about the writing at her accounting firm. She said:

"I proofread most of the mailings that the firm sends out. I often point out run-on sentences, only to be told 'It's industry standard language' or 'That's business writing.' My point of view is that proper grammar should be used at all times when writing . . . and that business communications are not exempt. Am I wrong on these points?' "

No, Carrie, you are not wrong. Your accounting firm needs to raise its standards.

CPAs (certified public accountants) have attended my business writing classes. They have shared samples of writing with 80-word sentences. Yes, sentences 80 words long! When I have commented on the difficulty in understanding complex sentences of that length, they have responded, "Oh, ignore that sentence--it's industry standard language." They even suggest that they are legally required to write those sentences that way.

Rubbish! There is no legal requirement to write incomprehensible sentences. And if that is the industry standard, then rise above it! Your clients will be grateful.

I am picking on accounting firms today because of Carrie's message. But I regularly see similar examples from other industries--even from communications companies--in the business writing courses I lead. When I give constructive feedback on a passage that is difficult to understand, the writer will say something like "That's our standard statement of work." Again I say, "Raise your standards!"

Remember: Your clients read the writing you send them. They read the letters, contracts, statements of work, responses to requests for proposals, project charters, and similar documents. If those documents are not clear and concise with short, well-constructed sentences, your clients are slogging through them. They may be wondering why they chose (or would choose) to work with you, since your writing is so dense and difficult to read.

Do not give yourself a free pass on effective business writing. Raise your standards. Exceed your clients' expectations. That is what they want from you.

As always, I welcome your thoughts.

Lynn
Syntax Training

When Should You Tell an Email Lie?

I was teaching a business writing course, when an attendee I'll call Lucy showed me an email she had sent to a vendor. In the message, Lucy explained that she had not replied sooner because her company's computer system had been down. Her message was clear and concise, and I complimented Lucy on her efficiency.

Her reply astounded me. She told me something like this: "I always blame the IT department when I'm late getting back to someone."

What Lucy had written was a lie. The computer system was fine. She simply had not gotten around to replying sooner.

Lying in email is a huge risk:

• It threatens people's trust. What if Lucy's readers learn she has lied to them? What if a coworker comes across one of her fabricated excuses? Trust will evaporate.
• It threatens work relationships. What if IT learns about Lucy's frequent misplaced blame?
• It threatens jobs. Email is forever, which means a lie lingers and may suddenly appear on the front page or on everyone's desktop.
• It diminishes self-respect. Lucy cannot pride herself on her truthfulness.
• It can make us lazy. Rather than find a solution to her email or work overload, Lucy takes the easy way out and blames another department.

When should you tell a lie in email? I say never.

What do you think? Are there situations when a lie is preferable to the truth?

Tact and kindness are not lying. We all know the right response when a spouse, partner, or coworker asks, "Do I look fat in these pants?" I'm wondering about a lie like Lucy's. Couldn't she just write, "I apologize for the delay in replying to your email"?

As always, I welcome your views.

Lynn
Syntax Training