Business Writing

Why Should They Read Your Ezine?

I don't open an ezine unless something in the subject or the first line grabs me. Even when I do open it, I don't read it unless I can find the item that grabbed me within a few seconds. If I don't succeed at finding a quick gem, I click Delete. I don't have time to wade through ads, headlines, and photos.

Here are ezines and emails I'm going to delete without opening:

Subject: Shift Your Summer Into Overdrive [from an airline]

Subject: Two Free Articles From Judy [from a writing coach]

Subject: Upcoming May Webcasts [from a professional organization]

I'm going to delete them because the writer's haven't grabbed me. What's in it for ME (WIFFM)? For example:

What does it mean to me to "shift my summer into overdrive"? Delete.

Why should I want "two free articles from Judy"?  Delete.

So what if there are webcasts in May? Delete.

For the past 18 months, I have been crafting the opening of my ezine, Better Writing at Work, to grab my readers. Here are a few subjects and the sentences that follow them:

13 Secrets of Professional Proofreaders
People who make their living as proofreaders cannot afford to make errors. Apply the secrets of professional proofreaders to produce your own error-free documents.

More Tips for Email Efficiency.
Apply 26 new tips to improve your email, brought to you by employees and managers at world-class companies.

Be More Persuasive.
Everyone can write more persuasively. This newsletter tells how.

How to Write to 26,000 People.
If you write to people from varied cultures and countries, this newsletter has 20 suggestions for your messages.

If you are like most writers, you put a lot of energy into writing and inputting your ezine. If you would like your readers to open and read it, put energy into grabbing them too.

Lynn
Syntax Training
Meet me in San Diego at ASTD ICE.

Can This Cover Letter Be Saved? Yes!

A poorly written cover letter dismayed my kind friend Elizabeth when she received it in response to an ad for an office manager. Compassionate person that she is, Elizabeth wanted to help the woman who applied. That's where I got involved.

Here is the applicant's letter, followed by my advice. Her name and other identifying information have been changed.

Hello my name is Mary.

I am interested in the admin job you guys are hiring for. I was in the military for 2 years as a HR specialist, basically a admin clerk. I answered phones, prepared paperwork, created excel spreadsheets, etc. When i was Stationed in Germany i supervised 5 soldiers being that i had the most experience in Admin. I do alot with computers, being that i go to school online, so passing the computer test will be easy. I did alot of volunteer work while in the military, so that was real fun. I dont have any background so checking that is fine. The reason im writing so much is i just got out the military in JAN or 2008, and i just had a baby on March 12th, 2008, so im looking for a full time job in the Admin area, and i thought this would be great. Attache dis my resume and hopfully i will talk to you soon.

Dear Mary (your pseudonym):

You sound enthusiastic about getting a job in the administrative area. Here are specific tips for improving your cover letters and other written pieces so you can be successful.

1. In any business communication, have only one main idea per paragraph. If you follow that approach, your cover letter will be approximately four short paragraphs. 
   Check your public library or a bookstore to find books with sample cover letters. Examples will show you how to break up your content.
2. Limit your sentences to one main idea each. This sentence has four main ideas: (1) The reason im writing so much is i just got out the military in JAN or 2008, and (2) i just had a baby on March 12th, 2008, (3) so im looking for a full time job in the Admin area, and (4) i thought this would be great. With just one idea per sentence, you will be able to write clearly and concisely, and your reader will follow your message easily.
3. Include only the information your reader needs to know. In your cover letter, that means including just the information that will encourage the potential employer to call you for an interview. Leave out information about your new baby, which is not a selling point to an employer. Also leave out your comment about the background check and about volunteering--unless your volunteer work ties to the job description. (If it does, make that link clear.)
4. In a cover letter, give specific examples that will help your reader understand why you are a good candidate for the job. For example, if the job description said the applicant must be able to get along with very diverse groups of people, you would mention that being in the military, especially stationed outside the U.S., helped you learn to work successfully with a wide variety of people in challenging situations.
5. Capitalize all proper nouns (such as Excel) and the pronoun I. Do not capitalize other words such as stationed and administration. Using proper capitalization is a sign of a careful writer--and office manager.
6. Avoid slang and incorrect grammar. For example, avoid "you guys," "real fun," and "alot" (which should be a lot).
7. Use the word an (not a) before a word that begins with a vowel sound: an HR specialist, an admin. clerk. (By the way, spell out administrative and administration. Consider your cover letter a formal communication.)
8. Do not give your name at the beginning. Include it at the end after the close of your letter. Sign above your typed signature, like this:
   Sincerely,
   Mary R. Smith
   Mary R. Smith
9. Engage the reader from the first sentence. For example, try an opening like this: As someone with three years of experience as an office administrator--including managing soldiers--I am pleased to apply for the position of office manager. (Your reader will be intrigued by the soldier connection and will read on.)
10. Use your computer's grammar and spelling checker. Then proofread carefully--at least once silently, once out loud, and at least one more time after an hour or more has passed. You must eliminate errors such as dont for don't and hopfully for hopefully.

Reviewing your letter, I worry that you will not be successful in an administrative position until you strengthen your writing skills. Why not check your local community college for a class? Or read this blog from beginning to end, and try the links to other writing resources. Also, sign up for my newsletter, Better Writing at Work. The current issue is about how to sound professional in writing.

Mary, I wish you success and happiness in your future position and in your role as a parent. I know Elizabeth does too.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Stripping Out Punctuation

Suzanne wrote with a mailing list dilemma. Some people in her company want to strip punctuation from all the mailing addresses. For example, they want to render "Lutron Co., Inc." as "Lutron Co Inc". Suzanne is resisting this change because it doesn't look right to her, yet she has no reference book to back up her view. She commented:

"I'm (just) the IT person, meaning that I write the software that changes every one of the 10,000 records very quickly. I realize that taking punctuation out is easy; putting it back is nearly impossible. I am resisting making a change that someone will regret later. Can you offer some assistance or point me in a direction?"

Suzanne, I'm glad to help. Here are some ideas:

1. If your mailing list uses no punctuation and abbreviates company names (as you mentioned in your full comment), the inside address will also use no punctuation and abbreviate names. That will look wrong. It will create a "one size fits all and fits none" look on your company's business letters.
2. If you take out punctuation, you will be rendering many company names incorrectly, companies that have spent significant time deciding whether they want to include things like commas and periods in their names.
3. All mailings from your company will look like mass mailings. Why? Because individual letters virtually always include standard punctuation.
4. The U.S. Postal Service does not require punctuation stripped out. It acknowledges that addresses with punctuation are readable by its scanners.

You also asked about a list of abbreviations. Here are some I verified in The Gregg Reference Manual:

Company = Co.
Corporation = Corp.
Incorporated = Inc.
Limited = Ltd.
Manufacturing = Mfg.
Manufacturers = Mfrs.

For others, you may wish to consult Gregg or a current dictionary. But keep in mind that you do not need to abbreviate as long as each line of the address is no more than 40 characters.

Suzanne, I admire you for taking on this important fight to preserve a mailing list amassed over 30 years. Good luck!

Lynn
Syntax Training 

Write Concisely? Just Do It!

Before my business writing seminars, I often ask learners what they hope to gain from the workshop. Many of them make comments like these:

• I would like to get my ideas across in a lot fewer words.
• I want my message to be more concise, to communicate my meaning in as few words as possible.
• I would like to communicate succinctly, without any extra words.
• I want to be more concise and to the point, with less redundancy.
• I would like to keep things concise and brief.
• I want to write in a concise manner.
• I want to have more concise communications and not include so much long-windedness.

In other words, many people want to:

• Write concisely.

If you want to write concisely, my advice is to just do it. Use fewer words. Avoid repeating yourself. Feel confident that making your point in five words is legitimate. Ten words are not required or even desirable when five can do the job.

For writing discipline, I often do a word count of a document I just finished. (In Office 2003, click Tools, then Word Count; in Office 2007, the word count appears at the bottom of the screen.) Then I challenge myself to cut the number of words by at least 10 percent. For example, if the piece is 200 words, I try to cut at least 20 words.

I am continually amazed by how easy it is to use fewer words. Here's an example from the list of wordy comments above:

• I would like to get my ideas across in a lot fewer words.
• I would like to get my ideas across in fewer words.
• I would like to get my ideas across more concisely.
• I would like to get my ideas across concisely.
• I would like to communicate concisely.
• I want to write concisely.
• I want to be concise.

In the example above, 13 words were reduced to 5. Here's another:

• Should you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to get in touch with me.
• If you have any questions or concerns, please get in touch with me.
• Please contact me with any questions or concerns.
• Questions or concerns? Please contact me.

Along with conciseness, flow and tone are important. "If you have any questions or concerns, please get in touch with me" is more formal than "Questions or concerns? Please contact me." In each message, it's important to balance conciseness with the feeling you want to communicate.

But if you want to be concise, just do it. Finish a message; then cut it by 10 percent. When that is easy, go for 20 percent. If it makes you feel better, know that I will be doing it too. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

Careless Company Writing = Failure

Denise wrote to ask for help in her company:

I work for a small company whose president and others on the administrative side don't seem at all interested in correct, effective writing. We're growing rapidly and will soon have a gorgeous new web site, which I imagine will be filled with errors. For example, many people use capitalization for emphasis rather than for proper nouns. It drives me crazy.

Could you please write about how to get others to see the importance of better writing? I've offered to proofread anything that goes out to the public, but no one is jumping to take me up on it.

Denise, you did not identify the company, but here is my advice: Quit while you can. The company will go nowhere without a respect for correct, complete, concise business writing. Polish your resume and your cover letter. You will need them any day.

Here is what will happen if the company maintains its careless attitude toward writing:

1. When bad writing reaches customers and clients, they will lose confidence in your ability and take their money elsewhere.
2. When proposals or sales pieces do not meet expectations, potential customers will say, "If they can't meet our needs in the proposal or sales letter, there's no way they can deliver as a business partner." They will seek out your competitors.
3. When readers (both inside and outside the company) cannot understand your email and other messages, they will respond with repeated questions. You will all waste time and effort answering questions that should not have been necessary. Because of that waste, you will miss your performance targets and financial goals.
4. When your company communications contain errors, you will spend time and money rectifying mistakes and misunderstandings. Some of that time will be spent in court.
5. If the writing doesn't communicate effectively, you won't get the responses you need. Your recommendations, web pages, bids, requests, announcements, procedures, processes, technical requirements, shopping cart instructions, contracts, and other written pieces will fall short.

The company will fail, and everyone will be surprised. They will ask, "How could a company with such innovative ideas, talented employees, access to capital, and a clear niche possibly fail?"

The answer: Nobody at the top paid enough attention to written communication.

Denise, you asked for help, and I'm not sure I have given it to you. But if you care about good writing and others do not, I'm not sure how you can make them change their minds unless you are in a position to hire, fire, reward, discipline, and set company policy and direction. If you are in that place, get my guide Help Employees Write Better: A Guide for Managers, Trainers, and Others Who Care About Business Writing. You can read excerpts and get more information here.

Would other readers please share ideas with Denise?

Lynn
Meet me in San Diego on June 1-4 for the ASTD International Conference and Expo.

Word Power: Being Partners

I recently taught the Writing Tune-Up for Peak Performance at Recreational Equipment, Inc. (REI), one of my long-standing clients. When attendees sent me the answers to prework questions, I was struck by the words they used to describe their readers:

Vendor partners
IT partners
Industry partners
Grantees and other community partners

The word partners came up repeatedly in the prework answers. Individuals don't write to just vendors--they write to vendor partners. They don't email people in IT. They email their IT partners. They send grants to community partners. They share data with industry partners.

The word partner conveys mutual respect, collaboration, communication, common interests, and interdependence. To have partners, you must be a partner.

REI has been on Fortune magazine's list of the 100 best companies to work for every year since Fortune began the list in 1998. This year it celebrated 70 years in business. Last month it announced 2007 sales of $1.3 billion, up 13.5 percent from 2006.

Based on the company's success, my guess is that REI employees not only use the word partner--they live it.

As someone who believes in the power of language, I recommend following REI's example. Why not try adding the word partner to the key relationships in your business? Then see whether it changes your attitude and your behavior toward any groups or individuals:

employee partners
customer partners
client partners
executive partners
legislative partners
citizen partners
student partners
sales partners
consultant partners
designer partners

Maybe if we use the word partners, with all its positive feelings of support and connection, we will become true partners. And through being partners, perhaps we will experience longevity and success like REI's.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Specific = Fresh

In the business writing classes I lead, attendees often talk about wanting to use fresh language. They are looking for new, fresh words to communicate their ideas.

Freshness is an apt goal. We can't engage readers with stale writing. But we don't have to use fresh words. Many of the old words we use every day can create vivid images that draw in readers. The secret is that we do this:

Be specific.

For example, at the beginning of classes, I often ask attendees to tell us something they enjoy in life. Most people mention things like this: my children, hiking, spending time outside, reading, travel. To get more of a sense of them, I might ask the reader "What do you like to read?" and the traveler "Where did you go on your last trip?" If I learn that individuals read biographies or last traveled to New Zealand, I become more engaged with them than if they like simply reading and travel. Likewise, when I learn their children are ages 2 months and 3 years, I know something I could not get from the general "I enjoy my children."

Last week when I asked what people enjoy in life, a woman said she enjoyed occasionally getting a good night's sleep and going out wearing clothes that don't have baby spit-up on them.

Bingo! Those words told me she has an infant, and her life is upside-down from what it was before the baby's birth. She remembers the good old days of being able to sleep through the night and going out dressed immaculately. At least that is what I believe after hearing her brief introduction.

There's nothing fresh about the words she used, except maybe "baby spit-up." But she shared something specific that painted a picture. She got my attention and my empathy. The stranger became familiar.

When you are trying to engage readers, think specific. Instead of describing the retreat as "rewarding," mention a specific reward. Rather than writing that the new system is "efficient," mention something users can do easily with the system that they couldn't do before. Don't say you are good at thinking on your feet--give an example that illustrates that trait.

I am a fan of fresh language. But to me, a specific image offers as much freshness as two words combined in a surprising way.

Don't just tell me something. Tell me something specific. To me, it will be fresh.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Starting Off on the Wrong Foot

In a recent business writing class, a participant said she wanted to learn to do this better in her writing:

"To succinctly communicate historical information or the why behind an email, and transition into the purpose or request I am making."

I could not help her reach her learning goal. No, that's not true--I would not help her. Here's why:

She had the wrong goal. Email readers do not want to read the "historical information or the why behind an email" before they learn the purpose or request. They want the purpose or the request first. Then they may want the why. They rarely want the historical information.

Here is an example:

You are writing to ask someone to recommend software or a web site you can go to for templates to create forms. Do not begin by explaining that you are making new forms. Do not describe how out of date your forms are. Do not admit that you feel as though this is something you really ought to know without asking. Instead, start like this:
Hi, Grace. Can you recommend software or any web sites that would help us create some new forms in our training department?
If there is any other information that would narrow your request and help her answer better, provide it.

Here is another:

You are writing to ask someone to give a presentation to your team about the new accounting rules. Do not begin by stating that there are a lot of new employees in your area. Do not explain that one of your goals for the year is to provide six hours of training for each employee. Do not write about how important accurate accounting is to everyone at your company. Start like this:
Hi, Rob. I heard from Stewart that your presentation on the new accounting rules is really helpful, and I am hoping you can offer it to our team.
Or this:
Hi, Rob. Our team would benefit from a presentation on the new accounting rules, and I am hoping that you will agree to talk to us as our resident expert.
Then continue with how you will make it easy for Rob to give the presentation.

Starting off with background information and explanations does not work in email. It's like starting on the wrong foot when dancing with a partner. The partner wonders, "Hmmm. This is awkward. Where are we going? I'll try to follow."

In fact, starting with background works in very few documents. If you think such information belongs at the beginning of a message, ask yourself "Does my reader have to have this information first? Without it, will my purpose or request make no sense?" If your answer is yes, explain. Otherwise, start off on the right foot. Get right to your purpose or request.

Lynn
Syntax Training

A Plodding Phrase About Promptness

To inspire their readers to quick action, many writers use this sluggish phrase:

in a timely manner

For example, "Please contact these clients in a timely manner."

But "in a timely manner" is 15 letters, 6 syllables, 4 words. That's way too long and plodding to inspire promptness. No, it's not as bad as the vague, laboring "at your earliest convenience." But it plods along just ahead of it.

If you are a lover of "in a timely manner," notice how these alternatives stack up to your favored phrase:

fast
soon
today
swiftly
quickly
on time
at once
speedily
in a jiffy
promptly
efficiently
right away
immediately
expeditiously
straight away
in a timely manner

Why not try one of them . . . soon?

Lynn
Syntax Training

Fine Writing from Ballard High School

I like to praise fine writing wherever I find it. This week we received our daughter's welcome letter to the high school she will attend in September. The packet was filled with rich details, and the letter introduced them perfectly. I share the first half of the letter as an example of how to communicate complex information simply for a broad audience. See my commentary at the end.

******************************
Dear Student:

Welcome to Ballard High School!

This packet contains the following information to help you choose classes and activities for next year.

1. A registration sheet (yellow) on which you must list your class choices for next year.
2. A sample schedule sheet (on the back of this letter) to show you the different options.
3. An information sheet about courses and programs that require a separate application.
4. A survey (blue) for you to fill out regarding athletics and activities.
5. An information sheet for the 2008-2009 sports season.
6. A course catalog, which includes important four-year planning information.

Please fill out the yellow registration sheet and the blue activities survey and bring them to your middle school on the day indicated below. Ballard High School counselors will visit you at your middle school and will collect the yellow registration sheet and the blue activities sheet at the following times. . . .

******************************
What's wonderful about this letter is that it gets right to the point and includes no extraneous information. There's no philosophizing about the exciting world of learning ahead. There's no blustering about the absolute need to get forms in on time. There's no background information about how the student was assigned to Ballard High School. (We already know that.) There are just simple instructions, good information, and the phone number to reach the Ballard High School counselors, along with their names.

Besides a clear, concise letter, the envelope contained everything promised in the letter, packaged in the same order as the 1-6 items.

The learning I take away from this excellent communication is this: give your readers what they need--no more, no less.

Thanks to Ballard High School and the Seattle Public Schools for such an instructive, valuable example!

Lynn
Syntax Training 

Early for April Fool's Day

Last night I sent a brief message to my husband, asking him to review a draft web page. As usual in a message to him, I did not include his name at the top, and I added xxoo above my signature. (Translation of xxoo: kiss, kiss, hug, hug.)

Well, I thought I sent it to my husband. I actually sent it to our new web designer.

She replied with this message: I'm thinking you didn't mean to send this to me :-)

Ha! No, I meant to write to Michael, not Margery. Usually when I type "M" for an outgoing message in Outlook, Michael's address comes up. Not this time.

Later I got another nice message from Margery:

I know we're getting along famously, but I thought that was especially friendly! Cracked me right up.

Did you crack up  anyone with an April Fool's Day email? I did--just a day early.

Lynn
Syntax Training

What Do You Mean by "Metrics"?

Joy wrote to complain and ask for clarification on the correct use of the word metrics in business communication:

"A word that is not one of my favorites is metrics used to describe financial performance. Example: Our metrics don't look very good right now."

Joy cited some of the dictionary definitions of metric: (1). A standard of measurement. (2.) A geometric function that describes the distances between pairs of points in a space. (3) Meter (in reference to the metric system).

She wrote, "Today metrics is slung about in business jargon. . . . Is it a word that has transitioned with a new, nebulous meaning?"

Metrics is a word I never use. When I mean "measurement," I write measurement. When I hear my clients using metrics, I believe they mean "measurements."

Do you use the word metrics? If you do, please comment on how you use it and share an example. Do you mean "measurements," or does metrics have another meaning for you?

Thanks from Joy and me!

Lynn
Syntax Training will be down this weekend while our server moves.

No News Is Bad News

The group of managers walked into a Better Business Writing class, talking to each other but not to me. They responded to my greeting but didn't seem especially glad to meet me. That's unusual. Most people act eager at the start of a writing seminar.

Despite the chill in the classroom, I led the session as I usually do. By the end of the 1.5-day writing class filled with practice and feedback, everyone was excited about what they had learned and enthusiastic about applying it back on the job. Only as they were leaving did I find out why they had been cool at the beginning of the first day. One manager happened to say something like this:

"No one told us why we were signed up for this class. We just found it on our calendars, no explanation. We're busy managers--a 1.5-day class meant we had to cancel standing meetings, without any explanation of why we needed to work on our writing."

He added that it was a great class and he had learned a lot. The problem was that he and his peers had not known why they were there in the first place.

No news was bad news. No explanation led to resistance and resentment.

When we talk about bad writing, we often mention endless paragraphs, disorganized documents, and sloppy errors. But another aspect of bad communication is no communication.

The department director needed only to have sent a short message like this:

The members of the executive team took a writing class that we all found valuable. We want to extend the same opportunity to you and the other managers. The class is scheduled on ____ (dates) at ____ (times) and has been added to your calendar. We know your schedule is very busy. But taking time now to tune up your writing skills will save you significant time later. We have already seen an improvement in our writing. Note: You can work on real work documents in the class, so you can get your job done while you learn.

Whenever you make a decision that affects others, be sure to write to them about it. Add a writing task (communication piece) to any implementation plan. Without clear communication, your good decision may have a bad outcome. Even an investment in better writing seems like bad news when it comes with no explanation.

Lynn
Syntax Training
Note: Our website will be down this weekend, March 28-30, while our server moves. 

Right-Click Here to Download--or Delete?

If you created a sophisticated, elaborate weekly or monthly ezine, would you want your clients and customers to delete it without reading a word? Of course not. 

But most of the ezines I receive get deleted within a few seconds. Usually the reason is that graphics (or text formatted as graphics) fill them. When I open the ezine, I am faced with multiple Outlook instructions that say "Right-click here to download pictures. To help protect your privacy, Outlook prevented automatic download of this picture from the Internet." Sometimes the entire ezine is little red x's in boxes next to that Outlook instruction. My instant response? Delete.

As someone who is not an expert in HTML, I can't speak on how to avoid having so many "Right-click here" messages. But I can suggest that you test your ezine. If it contains nothing but "Right-click here" messages, your readers must have a powerful reason to "Right-click here." Maybe that powerful reason is a great relationship with you or the knowledge that the information awaiting them will be worthwhile. Without that reason, most busy readers will click Delete.

An intriguing or persuasive title is one way to get people to open the ezine. But be sure the information promised in that title is readily apparent once your readers right-click. Otherwise, their next step will be--again--to click Delete. And who can blame them?

Lynn
Syntax Training

When Right Is Wrong

Can right be wrong? Vicki raised this question in a Writing Tune-Up class today. She worried that if she used correct grammar that other people didn't recognize as correct, they would think she was wrong. Vicki's response was to use incorrect grammar--to be accepted.

Vicki decided to be wrong to sound right. Does that make sense?

Yes. As much as I hate to encourage incorrect grammar, it can be the right choice. When correct grammar screams "Pay attention to me!" incorrect grammar is the quiet, correct choice.

Example: If I am addressing a typical group--not a crowd of copy editors or English teachers--I will say things like this:

Who did you vote for?
Is that him?
It's me.

I know each of those statements contains an error (and my grammar and spelling checker knows it too). These would be correct--technically:

Whom did you vote for?
Is that he?
It's I.

Although technically correct, those sentences would fail with an audience--even most readers--because their correctness demands attention. The correct grammar becomes the overriding message.

So I agreed with Vicki, but I didn't encourage her. To my taste, Vicki was setting the bar too low. She was using sentences like "Her and Rob are here" and "Give Kate and I a ride" out of fear that "She and Rob" and "Kate and me" would sound wrong to her audience. Vicki may be right about her audience. But I cannot bring myself to use her as the subject of a sentence and I as an object, and I would never argue for those uses.

We need to communicate with our listening audience and our readers, but we must not underestimate them. Vicki risks using "Her and Rob are" with a group that knows better.

Also, we need to use language that communicates who we are in addition to what we have to say. Blatantly bad grammar presents us badly.

What do you think? Are you willing to let slip "He laid down for a nap" or "Who did you tell?" in the interest of easy communication? Or would that be selling out our rich English language?

Lynn
Syntax Training

Request Denied: When Military Meets Business

Security officers, crew supervisors, maintenance experts--people in these jobs often attend the business writing seminars I lead. They don't enroll in any greater numbers than people in other vocations, but they often stand out for the terse way they communicate. They make comments such as:

--Permission denied.
--Negative.
--Cut the fluff. I want the facts. 
--They don't have to like it. They just have to do it.

When I suggest a more positive, softer approach, at times they announce, "I'm ex-military. This is the way we communicate."  If another ex-military individual is in the room, that person nods agreement.

This is the way we communicate. That's a reasonable attitude if "we" really means "we" and is limited to "us"--namely, if everyone in the department is ex-military and the communication is internal. If, for example, the entire group of security officers is ex-military, then "Request denied" is probably a clear, concise message among members of the group. But when people join the department who are not familiar with the military style, "Request denied" comes across as brusque and arrogant.   

When military meets business, language has to soften and be supportive. It has to shift from "Permission denied" to "I would like to say yes. Let me explain why I cannot"--followed by an explanation.

It has to change from "Cut the fluff. I want the facts" to "Please focus on the facts."

It has to mellow from the tight response of "Negative" to the flexible, "No, not at this time," and from the authoritarian "I don't care if you like it" to the democractic "What would make this decision more workable for you?"

If you work with ex-military employees, help them recognize when their writing comes across as abrupt to people outside the military experience. After all, you don't want them to win a quick communication battle but lose the the hearts and minds of their coworkers and employees. As with all communication, understanding their audience is the key.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Alternatives to ASAP

In a Better Business Writing class last week, a maintenance manager was looking for alternatives to "ASAP" (as soon as possible). As someone constantly on the receiving end of ASAP requests, she wanted a different phrase to use when she was requesting. She was tired of the snappy sounding ASAP, which she pronounced like a word rather than letter by letter, and she wondered about "at your earliest convenience."

Here are some alternatives with my interpretations:

--at your earliest convenience (formal, polite, but doesn't sound terribly urgent)
--right away (urgent but not bossy)
--urgent/urgently (drop what you are doing--it's urgent!)
--as soon as possible (almost urgent, a gentler version of the acronym)
--immediately (urgent, sounds bossy)
--as soon as you can (almost urgent, friendly)
--without delay (means now, sounds formal and a bit bossy)
--at once (urgent and bossy)
--soon (not quite urgent)
--quickly (not quite urgent)
--promptly (may suggest the reader has been slow)
--straight away (British for "at once" without the bossy feeling)

What do you write when you need something ASAP? What do you like to read when people ask you for immediate action? Please comment.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Hedging: It's Fairly, Relatively, Kind of a Problem

I read a quote in the newspaper today:

If it would be fairly easy to relatively quickly get a fairly similar job with a fairly similar salary, that makes it almost a no-brainer.

Granted, the example is of someone speaking--not writing--but it is a good illustration of what not to do when communicating: hedge.

Hedging is using words such as fairly, relatively, rather, kind of, practically, and almost. Those words deaden a sentence. They sap it of confidence, power, and interest.

Here is a simple revision without all the qualifiers:

When it is easy to get a similar job with a similar salary, it's a no-brainer.

The Microsoft grammar and spelling checker flags fairly and really, but for the other hedge words, you need to watch for them yourself. Luckily, it's fairly easy to rather quickly find them.

Lynn
Syntax Training

P.S. I hope you caught my hedging in the last sentence!

Can This Inventory Be Saved?

While teaching Better Business Writing at a world-class Pacific Northwest business yesterday, I heard a story of an equipment inventory that made me shudder.

At this business of 4000+ people, an inventory request goes out each year. A blank sheet goes to each department annually, and on it, each department is to list its computer equipment and other electronic equipment, with serial numbers.

A blank sheet. A blank sheet that has to be filled in each year. Each year employees go through their shops and offices, rerecording the serial numbers of their equipment.

Why can't this inventory be saved? Why can't departments receive a copy of their previous year's inventory, along with the request that they add, delete, and correct any entries?

While I usually write about business writing--not equipment inventories--the baffling inefficiency of this inventory communication made me want to shout "Stop it! Stop wasting all that time and effort!" After all, in my small office alone, inventorying our equipment would take an hour. Yet editing last year's list of equipment would take just minutes.

Yes, each department could save its inventory before sending it on, but that would require an effort from each department. I want whoever is requesting the inventories (and who no doubt saves them) to send the old inventories back each year with the new inventory requests.

Yes, this inventory can be saved, and with it valuable time and effort.

Now I'm thinking about how I could work more efficiently. Maybe there is something I could be saving instead of recreating each year. How about you?

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

Underlining: A Bad Choice Online

Yesterday I visited two websites where underlining had gone wrong. At each site, I clicked underlined (underscored) words and phrases, expecting to be taken to more information. But there was no click. I just sat there, staring at an unchanging screen.

In the old days, we used underlining for emphasis. Now underlining indicates a hyperlink. When underlining appears online--even in email or word-processed documents--people expect it to indicate a link.

If underlining is no longer a good tool for emphasis, what is? Try a bold font. I have used bolding in this post to emphasize the beginning of each paragraph. The bolding should help you skim the message and quickly get the main point in each paragraph.

By contrast, italicized words do not draw the reader's attention. Italics give a word or phrase emphasis in a sentence, as in the previous sentence and the word not. But italics do not make words stand out in a visual scan. For that purpose, use a bold font.

Caution: Avoid reader dizziness. I get dizzy when bolding is used sporadically, as in this paragraph. As a reader, I would rather skim bold headings and bold paragraph openings than have to sift through bold type sprinkled throughout a document.

Let's not confuse readers with "links" that go nowhere. At one of the sites I visited yesterday, every heading was underlined, which naturally led me to believe the headings were links. I went so far as to examine my mouse and Ctrl key, thinking they had frozen on me. Don't confuse readers: For headings, use a bold font or larger font--not underlining.

Do you have suggestions about how to emphasize information online? Please share them.

Lynn
Syntax Training (linked, not emphasized)

What's in It for Me?

We can all get a good reminder from an email sales message I received from someone selling software for the classroom. Her second sentence was this:

I would appreciate the opportunity to present this information to you through a web demonstration which will occupy 30 minutes of your time.

This sentence is all wrong. It doesn't focus on what's in it for me, the reader. She gets the opportunity to present. What do I get? From that sentence--and the rest of the message--it appears that my payoff is having my time occupied for 30 minutes.

A revision might read one of these three ways:

In just 30 minutes, you will learn how to . . . .

In a quick web demo focused on your business, get 7 tips on how to transform your classroom.

In just 30 minutes you will find out how to save hours in . . . .

Remember: Focus on your reader, not on yourself.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Why Don't They Speak English?

On Friday night I attended a superb performance of Shakespeare's Hamlet at the Seattle Children's Theatre. Although abridged for its youthful audience, this Hamlet was faithful to the story and characters and freshly acted by just five players seamlessly changing roles. I loved it from beginning to end.

Early in the first act, I heard a child behind me whisper to her mother, "Shouldn't they speak English?" I smiled. At the intermission, my own daughter said, "Why don't they speak English?" I frowned. I wanted my daughter, the daughter of an English major, to appreciate Shakespeare's language. But it was difficult to argue with my 13-year-old that they were speaking English, since the language required so much effort and concentration from the young audience.

A few hours before the play, I had led a Better Business Writing class, where the same thing had happened, only I had played my daughter's role. In response to a participant who used long, flowing, complex sentences and obscure vocabulary, I found myself asking "What exactly are you saying?" and "What does that word mean?" (the professional versions of "Why don't you speak English?").

To the writer, the messages were clear. But to me, the reader, they defied comprehension. Like my daughter and the other girl in the dark at Hamlet, I had to work too hard to grasp the meaning.

Unlike Hamlet with its tragic ending, Friday's Better Business Writing class ended happily. The "Shakespeare" of our class came to understand the value of plain words and simple structures. He promised to continue to use them to meet the needs of his audience.

But what of the real Shakespeare? Should he have written concise sentences in plain English? No! With his rich language, exquisite wit, and flowing rhythms, he has been moving audiences for centuries. I hope that when my daughter grows up a bit, she will appreciate him too.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Your Commotion List

The other day I wrote about David Allen's two-minute rule. When I used my grammar and spelling checker to check the post, I had a a good laugh at a suggestion for this sentence of mine:

If not, your message must be important enough to your readers to put on their to-do list to accomplish later.

My grammar and spelling checker flagged to-do. Here is what it suggested in place of to-do:

commotion

No doubt I have a commotion list--but it's never written!

Lynn
Syntax Training

Write for David Allen's 2-Minute Rule

Among his many tips and strategies, time management guru David Allen offers a "two-minute rule." He says that if you can get a new task done within two minutes, do it. If you cannot get it done that fast, either delegate it or defer it. In his words, deferring it means putting it "into your organization system as an option for work to do later."

Allen's books are bestsellers. People pay attention to him, and we writers should too. If your reader cannot handle your message or document easily within two minutes, it is going to be put somewhere "as an option for work to do later." Or ignored. Or deleted.

When it comes to email, people follow a 30-second rule before the two-minute rule. If they cannot understand what you want within 30 seconds, they go on to the next message. They tell themselves they will get back to your long or confusing message later, but often they don't get back--and you don't get action or a response.

Test your message. Can readers recognize in just a few seconds what you want? Can they complete the action within two minutes? If not, your message must be important enough to your readers to put on their to-do list to accomplish later.

I hope you were able to read this post within 30 seconds. That was my intention.

Lynn
Syntax Training

As I Said, Make a Sign

My husband Michael, who works with me at Syntax Training, has a sign on the wall above his desk. It says:

As I said,
As it says,

Michael uses this sign, usually while on the telephone, to remind himself that "As I said" is correct--not "Like I said." The same goes for "As it says"--not "Like it says."

Michael had the habit of saying the incorrect "Like I said" and "Like it says," and he needed to break it. He needed to break the habit because representatives from world-class companies call us to ask about our seminars in business writing. To appear credible in the field of business communications, we need to use correct grammar in writing and speaking.

But all of us need to communicate professionally. So if you have one of those awkward bad-grammar habits, make a sign. Then practice.

For example, if you start a sentence with "Me and my supervisor" rather than "My supervisor and I," make a sign, hang it above your desk, and practice saying "My supervisor and I" at the beginning of a hundred sentences.

Or if you write "Call Ahmed or I"--wrong! Make a sign and practice saying "Call Ahmed or me." Whatever your bad habit is, learn the correct expression. Then work on it.

Michael has just about eradicated the "Like I said" habit. He still glances at the sign while he is on the phone, but I think the only habit is the glance.

Don't let a bad-grammar habit get in the way of sounding professional on paper or in person. Like As I said, just make a sign and practice.

Lynn

P.S. If you are not sure of correct word choices, see my "60 Quick Word Fixes" for clear explanations.

 

Furnace Maintenance for Readers--Brilliant!

I was reading my Winter 2008 Perspective: News and Insight from PEMCO Insurance, when I came upon another excellent example of writing that makes life easy for the reader.

"How to Maintain Your Furnace" was the column I was reading. (Yes, I know how to have a good time!) At the bottom of the piece, this notice appeared:

Use the back of this sheet to record furnace filter changes, then tape it near your furnace.

I turned over the sheet and found a perforated column headed "FURNACE MAINTENANCE LOG." Above the heading was a small notice: "Post Near Your Furnace for Easy Reference." There were fill-in-the-blanks for the type of filter, the furnace technician's name and phone number, and filter changes from 2008 to 2011 (with a short, lined column for each year). The lines implied that we ought to be changing our furnace filter a bit more often than we do now.

This brilliant user-friendly log is exactly what people need to keep track of their furnace maintenance--near the furnace. When we change a filter, we can just jot down the date.

The PEMCO logo, which includes the company name, appears in the bottom-right corner of the maintenance log. How better to remind me of PEMCO's interest in preserving my home?

Nice work, PEMCO writer! Thanks for this smart, practical log just for me, your reader-customer.

Lynn

Scared Off by the Big, Bad Paragraph

I was reading the list of upcoming business meetings in a weekly email from The Seattle Times, when a meeting announcement caught my attention. The presenter was going to speak on a topic that interests me--the steps in growing one's business. I often weigh the advantages of getting bigger vs. staying small as a business, so I thought I would register for her talk.

But I wanted to know more about the presenter, so I clicked the link to her blog. That's when things went wrong.

Her latest blog entry was one huge paragraph 41 lines long. Can you imagine her 325 words in one big block? You don't have to--I have created a 325-word block of text below. Don't bother to read the words. They're just the text you are already reading.

Don't read this sample big, bad paragraph--just notice it.
I was reading the list of upcoming business meetings in a weekly email from The Seattle Times, when a meeting announcement caught my attention. The presenter was going to talk on a topic that interests me--the steps in growing one's business. I often weigh the advantages of getting bigger vs. staying small as a business, so I thought I would register for her talk. But I wanted to know more about the presenter, so I clicked the link to her blog. That's when things went wrong. Her latest blog entry was one huge paragraph 41 lines long. Can you imagine her 325 words in one big block? You don't have to--I have created a 325-word block of text here. I forced myself to read her paragraph. Hiding in it was some good information, but that info could not undo the negative impression. If that big, bad paragraph represents the woman's communication skills, I would be much better off finding another resource.I was reading the list of upcoming business meetings in a weekly email from The Seattle Times, when a meeting announcement caught my attention. The presenter was going to talk on a topic that interests me--the steps in growing one's business. I often weigh the advantages of getting bigger vs. staying small as a business, so I thought I would register for her talk. But I wanted to know more about the presenter, so I clicked the link to her blog. That's when things went wrong. Her latest blog entry was one huge paragraph 41 lines long. Can you imagine her 325 words in one big block? You don't have to--I have created a 325-word block of text here I forced myself to read her paragraph. Hiding in it was some good information, but that info could not undo the negative impression. If that big, bad paragraph represents the woman's communication skills, I would be much better off finding another resource.

I forced myself to read her paragraph. Hiding in it was some good information, but that info could not undo the negative impression of thoughts stuffed into one big paragraph. If that big, bad paragraph represents the woman's communication skills, I would be much better off finding another resource. I won't be attending that meeting.

A huge block of text, even when well organized, intimidates readers and turns off skimmers. Most of us know this, but if you work with people who are still churning out thick wads of text, talk with them about what works in today's messages. You will be doing your coworkers--and their readers--a huge favor.

Lynn

 

Another Way to Make It Big

Kathy Frederick, author of The Junk Drawer blog, wrote me about my post on increasing type size to proofread more successfully. She wrote:

"My husband and I made a great discovery the other day. You can enlarge screen text by pressing the CTRL key while scrolling up or down. This goes for both Windows and Mac. I prefer this method because it requires less clicking or searching around a screen for a button or menu item that does the resizing. This trick works the same across most programs, so it's more efficient for me."

We tested Kathy's tip, and it works. My ergonomic keyboard has a one-finger zoom feature in the center, so I will opt for that. But if you don't have an easy zoom, you will like Kathy's discovery--well, it was actually her cat Shadow's discovery. Read about it here.

Thanks, Kathy--and Shadow!

Lynn

A New Year Message from 1949

We heard a scratching sound in a remote section of our attic, and my husband went to investigate it. While he didn't locate the source of the sound, he did find The Seattle Sunday Times from August 28, 1949, left in the attic by a previous owner of our home. That newspaper reminded me of a common question about business writing. Let me explain how.

Some things in the 1949 newspaper are the same as today: identity theft (described as forging and counterfeiting), schoolyard bullies (known as tormentors), movies influencing real life (men buying pajamas because William Powell wore them in all his films), Sunday puzzles, and the comic "Grin and Bear It."

Others are different: The '49 comics are all about the "little woman" waiting on her husband. Throughout the paper husbands are "hen-pecked," the women are Miss and Mrs., and the word gay is used to mean "festive."  A "leper colony" is in the news. The menus for the week include "head lettuce salad," "panned potatoes," "liver patties," "little pig sausages," and "lemon snow."

Most of the differences between today's newspaper and the one from that Sunday in 1949 involve two areas: language (see above) and look. The old newspaper looks old--and not just because it is faded. The layout, art, and typefaces are different from today's. 

The same is true of business writing. The language we use and the way we format documents are different. Yet I often get worried email complaining that writers no longer use the language, style, structure, and punctuation people learned in school.

Here is my answer: Get over it! This is not 1949--it's nearly 2008. Embrace the differences. Accept "Hey" as an email greeting without cringing. Learn to like avatars in place of photos on web sites. (I'm working on this one.) Stop saying "The way I was taught in school . . ." Enjoy the new year. 

Happy 2008!

Lynn   

Be Kind to Your Note Taker

Last week I led a writing class for a group of administrative assistants who wanted help writing meeting notes and minutes. We began by talking about the challenges they face as note takers. Here's their list of challenges:

• Getting the information down when speakers talk quickly.
• Recognizing what to record and how much of it.
• Dealing with two people speaking at once.
• Facing an incomprehensible stream of acronyms and abbreviations.
• Trying to hear when side conversations compete with the main speaker.
• Being unfamiliar with the attendees and topic, also known as "not having a clue."
• Not knowing when a decision has actually been made.
• Feeling timid about interrupting the group with a question.

If you lead meetings, be kind to your note takers. Recognize the challenges they face, and do your best to eliminate them.

The October issue of my newsletter, Better Writing at Work, covers how to write meeting notes, in the article "Meeting Notes Made Easy." In it I offer suggestions for tackling six major meeting challenges. You can read it here. If you like what you read, subscribe for free.

Lynn

What Dentists Can Learn from Doctors

Today I spent 2.5 hours in the chair at my dentist's office, nearly all of it with my poor mouth wide open. After those stressful hours, my dentist (whom I believe to be very experienced, well trained, and compassionate) told me in a few sentences what had happened and what would be happening to me and my mouth over the next few weeks.

But here's the problem: Although he told me, I can remember almost none of it--at least not accurately. I do remember that I am to floss the tooth in question in just one direction. I do remember hearing the threat of a root canal--but just a threat. (Whew!) And I remember hearing something about cavities near a nerve (or was it a nerve near a gum?).

I know one other thing for sure: My next appointment is on December 27 at noon. I know that because it is written on a little card.

By contrast, I visited the urgent care department of my health plan, Group Health, on November 19. My urgent problem was a paper cut--on my eye. I had pulled a sheet of paper out of my printer without noticing how close my face was to the threatening object.

The care was similar--time consuming and a bit stressful. However, when I left Group Health, I had several sheets of paper in hand. They told me how to treat my "corneal scratch" after my visit. The information fell under these headings:

• Your Care Instructions
• What should you do at home?
• When should you call for help?
• Where can you learn more?
• How to Use Eye Ointments and Gels Properly

The papers even told me my blood pressure, pulse, temperature, and a few other details.

My dentist could learn a lot about patient communication from my doctors. However, we could all learn a lot from them. Consider:

Do you expect the people you work with (customers, clients, employees, patients, citizens, residents) to remember what you tell them--even in stressful circumstances? Or do you give them a clearly written takeaway that summarizes what they need to know?

When my mother died in October, the funeral director gave my father a beautifully worded pamphlet about the emotions he might experience over the next few days and weeks. It was something he could refer to after the whirlwind of visitors, funeral services, and pressing practical details. Had the funeral director just spoken some advice, it would have been lost in that moment.

I challenge you to think of a helpful takeaway you can write for one or more of your audiences. Do your associates, clients, or patients need a list of helpful web sites? Quick instructions on how to repair, order, or troubleshoot something? A list of questions to assess a situation? Twenty practical phrases to use in a foreign country? Three principles to guide them through the next encounter?

Whatever your takeaway might be, write it, print it, and give it away--to one person or many. Then please write to tell me you have done it. I would love to read about your accomplishment.

Lynn

 

Your Untethered Reader

Earlier this week I got a good email tip from a participant in the Writing Tune-Up. When I asked for additional rules for email etiquette and efficiency, Tom offered this one:

If you have a deadline within a few days, don't just communicate it in email. Pick up the phone to be sure the person gets your message.

Tom had a specific reason for his suggestion. Unlike much of the business world, he is not tethered to a computer or a BlackBerry. He works out of doors, and he may check his email only once a week. Not once an hour, not even once a day--once a week!

Do you write to someone like Tom? If so, adjust your expectations and your behavior. If you have a deadline on Friday, don't even think of emailing him or her your request on Friday morning or Thursday afternoon. Pick up the phone to be sure you get through, and try that a few days earlier. (Of course, this is always good advice when you have a deadline looming.)

It all gets back to understanding your audience, including those untethered readers.

For 110 more email suggestions, get my tips booklet.

Lynn

What Amazing Feet!

On a coffee break in a recent business writing workshop, an attendee was checking her email. Suddenly she laughed a hearty "Hah! Hah! Hah!" People scattered around the room wondered what could be so funny. She explained:

"I'm reading an email I was copied on. It's a thank you to someone for her group's amazing feet--f-e-e-t!"

Feet or feat? We can only imagine.

Lynn

Lost on a Web Site

I just received an email response from an online company. I had visited their site, wanting to buy a gift certificate for my husband. But I couldn't figure out how to do it. Was a gift certificate considered a product? If so, would it be in their online catalog? Because I couldn't figure out how to buy a gift certificate (and because, like most shoppers, I did not want to work too hard for the information), I had clicked Contact and emailed them asking how to buy a gift certificate.

The polite response was classic:

Gift Certificates can be purchased online by visiting our web site at www. . . . They are available in $25, $50, $100, and $300 denominations.

I had said "Please send information on how I can purchase a gift certificate." The response was "on our web site." But "on our web site" is where I had come from. Where on the web site? How?

The writer did give me another option--to phone her--but I would have appreciated the "how" instead.

I returned to the web site. After a couple of minutes I realized I could type "gift certificate" in the product search box. Now I know how to order what I want.

The issue is "on our web site." As business writers, we must recognize that customers and clients do not know our site navigation the way we do. It is not obvious to them. Unless what they want is offered clearly and boldly on our home page--or is named in a link from the home page--they just get lost. We need to provide them with a direct link or specific instructions.

For example, if the email I received had said "Click this link and type gift certificate in the search box," I would have known what to do. But a link directly to the gift certificates would have been faster.

As business writers, let's change "on our web site" to "on our web site right here." But let's only do that if we want to stay in business.

Lynn

A Good Set of Conference Room Rules

Here's another example of good writing. I found this set of rules just inside the door of a conference room at the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, where I was teaching Better Business Writing this week.

Conference Room Rules

If you use it, you are responsible to:

• Clean up after use, including catering items.
• Wipe table with a damp rag when necessary.
• Put all trash in the garbage.
• Push the chairs back into the table.
• Erase the white board.
• Turn the lights off.

We do not have a custodial service to clean between meetings, so your attention to these simple details will be appreciated by the next user.

Thank you.
Airport Facilities Manager

That brief set of steps is everything it needs to be. It's short, just 83 words from beginning to end. It lists each of the actions the reader should take, and each action begins with a simple verb (clean, wipe, etc.). It's clear and courteous.

Another great feature of this set of rules is its placement--on the wall just inside the door. People who use the room can't miss it--when they are leaving, it's right there at eye level to tell them what to do. Yet it doesn't distract people during a meeting, and it doesn't get in the way on a table.

Procedures or steps often fail because they aren't in the right place at the right time. For example, emailing these rules would not make sense. People only need them when they are finished using the room.

I would make just one change in the opening words. I would write "If you use this room" rather that "If you use it." Although "it" is clear, I prefer the precision of naming "this room."

As I just reread the rules, I noticed that they could be used in many conference rooms. That's another excellent feature. The shop that creates the signs can use this message repeatedly rather than tailoring messages to individual rooms.

Nice job, Port of Seattle! Your sign encouraged me to leave the conference room just as I had found it--clean and ready for use.

Lynn 

A Great Letter from My Doctor

With examples of weak writing everywhere, I wanted to share an example of an excellent letter I received from my doctor at Group Health Cooperative. I have included my comments in brackets.

Dear Lynn, [This is right for me. My doctor and I are the same age.]

As your doctor, I want to make sure you have the information and tools you need to help you live a healthier life. [I am glad to know that.] Thanks to Group Health's new electronic medical records, I'm now able to provide you with this printed overview of specific recommendations based on your age, sex, and personal health information. [I am pleased to know about this personalized service.]

Get your recommended screenings. [This bold heading got my attention and told me what to do.]
Please be sure to get the screening tests on the enclosed summary. You'll see the date you last had the test (if we have it in our records) and the date you need to have it again. [The information she refers to is on an attractively formatted attachment, and it is correct. That gives me high confidence in her and my health plan.] To arrange these tests, either call my office [the phone number is included] or send me a private email if you're registered for enhanced access on MyGroupHealth at www.ghc.org. If you aren't registered, I encourage you to sign up at www.ghc.org. If you have any questions about these recommendations or believe that you don't need a certain test, please let me know. [The use of "you" and "me" communicates a solid personal relationship. Note: She isn't "selling" the recommended tests. My health plan covers their costs.]

The next paragraph starts with the bold heading Get even more support with the new Health Profile. It then tells me about another online tool I can use to get customized healthcare information.

The letter closes with this short paragraph:

I hope you'll use the wellness resources available to you at Group Health. [an effective call to action] Working together with these tools, you and I can do more to make your health a priority. [The positive language ends the letter with just the right tone.]

I know this letter was written by someone in member communications--not my doctor. But the message sounds like her, and it communicates caring, competence, and customer service in language I can easily understand. I am impressed and grateful.

Lynn