Business Writing

Humor in Business Writing - Does It Belong?

Today someone sent me an evaluation of an online business writing course he had taken with me. This was his final comment:

I liked the online format. It was like being in an actual classroom, but without sitting next to the person who had a garlic and onion chilidog for lunch. Oh, sorry, that was me.

I got a huge laugh from this comment, first because the reference to a chilidog surprised me in a class evaluation, especially of a virtual class. Then his naming himself as the chilidog eater gave me another quick treat.

The surprising humor in a normally dry document brightened my morning at my desk. Humor in small, unexpected doses works well on the job.

Humor in business messages fails when it is piled on like a performance.

A few months ago I taught a business writing workshop in which someone had submitted a writing sample of meeting minutes that were filled with witty side comments. The first one or two comments were entertaining. But after that, I wondered how anyone could get through the meeting notes to review what had happened at the meeting.

When I arrived to teach the class, I learned that the man who had written the notes would not be able to attend. I started to think about how I would bring up the topic of humor in business writing with him, since we would not have the chance to meet face to face.

It turned out I did not need to talk with him. People in the class told me they had a team member who was overdoing humor. They said they had let him know gently that they would prefer he get to the point in his writing without piling on the fun and puns. As readers, they had handled it themselves.

Humor fails when it gets in the way of the message.

In writing classes, I often ask participants what they need from the documents they read at work. Only about 1 in 20 participants mentions "Make it interesting." No one mentions humor. No one.

Based on my experience with hundreds of people in classes, I can confidently say that your readers at work do not need or expect humor from you. However, I will guess that if you throw in an occasional unexpected bit of whimsy, they will love it.

What do you think about humor in business writing? Not in essays or blog posts, but in regular business messages such as email, reports, and meeting notes. Please share your insights.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Is Donald Trump Wrong About "Apprenti"?

I was listening to a news show on TV tonight, when I heard Donald Trump talking about hiring 10 "apprenti." He pronounced that final word ah-PREN-tie.

It is possible that Mr. Trump believes the plural of apprentice is apprenti. If so, I am here to correct him.

But I will not do so without first checking my sources.

Too often people write to me to complain about the grammar, punctuation, and usage errors of others, when in fact, they themselves are misinformed. I do not want to fall into that trap.

That is why I looked up apprentice in three dictionaries, including the Canadian Oxford Dictionary, to be certain that apprenti is not a correct plural form. I confirmed that the plural of apprentice is apprentices--not apprenti.

The word is not like syllabus and hippopotamus, whose plurals are syllabi and syllabuses, hippopotami and hippopotamuses.

In my research I learned that apprenti is the French word for "apprentice." Maybe the French influenced Mr. Trump.

I was especially careful about correcting Mr. Trump's language because of an assumption I had made earlier today, when I was reviewing a business writing sample for an upcoming class. The sample used the term on-site. I was sure onsite was correct, but I was not sure enough to make a note without checking my dictionaries and a style guide. I learned I was wrong. On-site is correct.

Lesson learned: Before assuming someone has made an error and correcting it, be sure you yourself are correct.

What business writing rule have you been wrong about lately? Please share, and we will all learn something.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Website, Web Page, the Web, Etc.: How to Render Evolving Terms

Katherine wrote for advice on rendering terms such as website, web page, email, and Internet. Well, I have just typed them the way I prefer to render them. But let's see what the experts in print prefer. Then you can make your choices based on the reference manuals you follow and what looks good to you.

website/Web site

website
My reference books that vote for website (no capital letter, one word) are The Associated Press Stylebook 2011 (AP), The Chicago Manual of Style 16th Edition (Chicago), Garner's Modern American Usage 3rd Edition (Garner), and The American Heritage College Dictionary 4th Edition (AH). Note: AH votes for the next version too.  

Web site
References favoring Web site (capital W, two words) are The Gregg Reference Manual 11th Edition (Gregg), Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary 11th Edition (M-W), and AH.

Web page, webpage, web page

Web page: AP, Gregg, and AH vote for this form. (But AH votes twice.)

webpage: Garner and AH prefer this one-word form.

web page: Chicago votes for this rendering.  

the Web, the web

the Web: AP, Garner, Gregg, AH, and M-W prefer this form.

the web: Only Chicago recommends this version.

E-mail, email, e-mail

E-mail: This term gets a vote from Garner, Gregg, and M-W, who vote yes for all three forms.

email: AP, Garner, Gregg, and M-W support this form.

e-mail: Chicago, AH, Garner, Gregg, and M-W okay this form.

Internet: All my reference books capitalize Internet.

the Net, the net

the Net: AP, Gregg, AH and M-W capitalize Net when it refers to the Internet. M-W lists both forms.

the net: Chicago recommends this version, and M-W lists it.

Given all these variations, what is a writer to do? You may choose one guide and follow it consistently. Or you may select the forms you like, as I do. But you must be sure at least one current, respected dictionary or style guide supports your choices--if you want to be correct and be able to defend your work. 

I love reading and responding to your comments. However, I prefer that you not ask about additional words such as webmaster, e-zine, and intranet. Instead, invest in one or more reference guides and look them up, which is exactly what I would do!

Enjoy!

Lynn
Syntax Training 

Looking for a Babysitter. Call Jane.

Katherine, a reader, sent me an excellent example of the confusion that can result from messages that are stingy with words and punctuation. Katherine saw this handwritten advertisement on a bulletin board:

Looking for a good, responsible babysitter. Call Jane.

Underneath the announcement were small slices of paper, each with Jane's phone number, for people to tear off.

Is Jane a responsible babysitter looking for work? Or is she a parent in search of a sitter?

Katherine described the confusion: "The punctuation suggested that she was looking for a babysitter, but the nature of the sheet with tear-off slips and the fact that most advertisements of this sort are for people trying to find work as a babysitter led me to believe that perhaps it was a punctuation error."

These two revised signs clarify the situation:

Looking for a good, responsible babysitter? Call Jane.

If you are a good, responsible babysitter, call Jane.

You might wisely argue that neither version says enough. What about the hours, days of the week, number of children, geographical location, or other details? But in both versions at least we can tell whether Jane is seeking work or seeking a babysitter. 

Do you have an example of business writing that confuses by saying too little? Please share it, as Katherine did. Thanks, Katherine!

Lynn
Syntax Training

No Response? Have You Given Enough Info?

This week I traveled to North Carolina to teach a Writing Tune-Up for Peak Performance class in the Raleigh-Durham area. While waiting to board a plane in Texas, I overheard an airline announcement something like this:

"The flight is oversold. If you would like to give up your seat in exchange for a seat on the next flight and a $500 credit on a future flight, please come to the counter."

About 10 minutes later, this announcement followed:

"Maybe my microphone isn't working, because I haven't gotten any takers. As I said, if you would like to give up your seat in exchange for a seat on the next flight, you will get a $500 credit on a future flight. Please come to the counter if you are interested." 

It wasn't that her microphone wasn't working. The problem was that she was not giving enough information. In the busy Dallas-Fort Worth Airport terminal, we could hear many announcements, and it was impossible to tell which gate the announcement was coming from unless one was standing directly in front of it. So we passengers needed to hear which flight to which city was oversold. Saying "The flight is oversold" was not enough information. 

Do you sometimes not get the reaction you expect from your writing? If this happens to you, check to see whether you have included enough information. Without the information they need, your readers will not respond the way you had hoped.

I receive many emails in which essential information is missing. The most common missing piece is the answer to the question "What do you want me to do?" For example, people write to me saying, "I need help with my business writing." But how can I help? By recommending a class? Suggesting the person subscribe to my free monthly newsletter? Referring the writer to this blog? Yes, I can do those things. But if the writer spent a little more time telling me what he or she seeks, my job would be easier, and I would be more likely to respond quickly and helpfully.

Other examples:

If you are asking for volunteers, tell how many you need from each team and approximately how much time they will need to commit to your project.

If you are asking for action, provide a deadline or a suggested due date.

If you are asking for feedback, ask a specific question. "What do you think?" is too open-ended and requires too much work from your audience. A question such as "Have I described the features accurately?" helps the reader respond.

If you are making early plans for an event, tell people the day, time, and place--not just the day.

Remember: If you are not getting the responses you would like, you may be leaving out essential information. You may be making it difficult or impossible for your readers to respond.

As a reader, do you receive business messages without essential information? What is typically missing?

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

Are English Majors Good Business Writers?

I was teaching a business writing workshop recently for an entire team at a company. Attendance was mandatory. When I stopped to look at a participant's laptop to coach the woman on her email, she said, "I don't need your help. I was an English major. I know how to write."

It was a sticky situation. Although she was an English major, one look at the message on her laptop told me she was not a good business writer--yet.

How could I tell at a glance that she didn't know how to write email?

Huge paragraphs filled the screen. Huge paragraphs do not work in business writing, especially in email.

Are English majors good business writers? Not necessarily. Not without making a successful shift:

• From well-constructed, complex paragraphs to well-constructed short chunks of text
• From big words such as "populate" to small words such as "fill"
• From long, complex sentences to short, simple sentences
• From focusing on a theme to focusing on a purpose
• From a discussion of ideas to a focus on results

English majors should not assume they know how to write for business, not without making the shifts above. I know--I was an English major, and I earned a master's degree in communication in my twenties. Yet when I remember my first business letters, I cringe, seeing my very long, dense paragraphs and my focus on myself rather than my readers.

It's no shame to have to learn to write differently for different purposes. Even Shakespeare would have to practice his craft differently if he were a business writer. Consider my experience:

I attended a recent production of "The Merchant of Venice" at the Shakespeare Theatre Company in Washington, D.C. Although I was enjoying the play, during the intermission I bought a "No Fear Shakespeare" version of it, which included both Shakespeare's original and a plain English translation. I bought it so I could be sure I understood what the characters were saying.

Below is a character's brief comment in both versions. Which one is easier to understand? Which one can you read more quickly?

Antonio:
Your worth is very dear in my regard.
I take it your own business calls on you
And you embrace th' occasion to depart.

Antonio:
You're both very precious to me. But I understand. You need to leave to take care of your own business.

I bet you are thinking we don't read Shakespeare or attend productions of his plays for quick understanding. Fair enough. But business readers do insist on being able to understand a message quickly and easily.

So English majors, can we agree to write a plain English version when we create emails, reports, proposals, recommendations, presentations, and other pieces?

We can express our literary imaginations as complexly and creatively as we want to on the weekend.

Farewell. I must away.

Lynn
Syntax Training

How a Suitcase Can Help Your Writing

I just returned from a perfect vacation in Florida, and now I am looking forward to a business trip to Hawaii in April. Instead of putting away my suitcase until my Hawaii trip is imminent, I have left it out on a table in our basement. Whenever I think of something I want to have with me in Hawaii, I can get the item and drop it into the suitcase. I already have water shoes, sunscreen, my sunhat, a guidebook on Maui, and a few other items in the suitcase. (No, the trip is not all business.)

Tossing things into the suitcase as I think of them means that on the day of my departure I will not be racing around the house trying to think of what I will need on Maui and searching my brain for those items that had occurred to me a month earlier. I will not forget the things that will make my trip a success. I will feel confident about my packing and relaxed about my trip. 

The "open suitcase" method works well for business writing too.

When you have an upcoming report, proposal, newsletter article, or another important piece of writing, toss your ideas into a "suitcase" as you think of them. Your suitcase might be a digital recorder, a smartphone, an electronic or a paper folder, an electronic notebook (for example, a Microsoft OneNote notebook) or a paper one, a writing pad on your desk, or a white board or bulletin board in your cubicle.

As you get brilliant ideas for your written piece, immediately put them in your suitcase. That way, they will not flit away before you have captured them. Then when you are ready to write a draft, all the pieces you have "packed" will be there for you. You will feel confident and relaxed about meeting your writing deadline because you will have many good ideas for content.

When you look through your suitcase, you may be happily surprised that the ideas you have captured are so rich and interesting. Fresh, powerful ideas can spring up when you are not under pressure to produce them by a deadline. By contrast, when you are racing to finish a proposal by 5 o'clock, brilliant ideas may elude you.

Do you use the open suitcase method to gather ideas for your business writing projects? Which other methods are successful for you? Please share.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Help for People Who Make Signs

My friend Margaret sent me two examples of faulty writing on signs. I want to share them to help office managers and others who make signs for visiting customers.

Read the two notices below, and see if you recognize the problem they share. 

1. In a doctor's office: "In order to better serve you, please turn off your cell phone during your visit with us today."
2. In a credit union: "For security reasons, please remove sunglasses, helmets, and hoods to better serve you."

The problem is the phrase "to better serve you." The phrase is not connected properly to the main sentence. It dangles there, worrying readers--especially English teachers and copyeditors.

In Example 1, the phrase "In order to better serve you" does not have a subject. Who wants to "better serve you"? Because the phrase lacks a subject, readers expect the subject to come immediately after the phrase, as in "In order to better serve you, we . . . ." But it's not we who should turn off your cell phone--you should. The structure is unstable.

Here are ways to revise Example 1, the sign in the doctor's office:

• "In order to better serve you, we ask that you please turn off your cell phone during your visit with us today."
• "In order for us to better serve you, please turn off your cell phone during your visit with us today." (This sentence indicates that the job is for us to serve you.)
• "Please turn off your cell phone during your visit so we can serve you better."

I prefer the last revision because it is the most concise. (I used can to indicate ability. If you would prefer may, please read my post "Can vs. May--Not So Simple!"

In Example 2, the sign in the credit union, once again it is unclear who is doing the serving. The pronouns we and us do not appear. With we, the structure is solid: 

• "For security reasons, please remove sunglasses, helmets, and hoods so we can serve you better."

I don't like the solution above, though, because it pulls readers in two directions. Is the reader removing apparel for security reasons or for better service?

The revision below is clearer and more honest:

• "For security reasons, please remove sunglasses, helmets, and hoods."

If you make signs or know people in your workplace who have that job, please pass on this post.

Margaret, thank you for the instructive errors!

Lynn
Syntax Training

CPAs, Raise Your Standards!

Carrie wrote to me this week with a complaint about the writing at her accounting firm. She said:

"I proofread most of the mailings that the firm sends out. I often point out run-on sentences, only to be told 'It's industry standard language' or 'That's business writing.' My point of view is that proper grammar should be used at all times when writing . . . and that business communications are not exempt. Am I wrong on these points?' "

No, Carrie, you are not wrong. Your accounting firm needs to raise its standards.

CPAs (certified public accountants) have attended my business writing classes. They have shared samples of writing with 80-word sentences. Yes, sentences 80 words long! When I have commented on the difficulty in understanding complex sentences of that length, they have responded, "Oh, ignore that sentence--it's industry standard language." They even suggest that they are legally required to write those sentences that way.

Rubbish! There is no legal requirement to write incomprehensible sentences. And if that is the industry standard, then rise above it! Your clients will be grateful.

I am picking on accounting firms today because of Carrie's message. But I regularly see similar examples from other industries--even from communications companies--in the business writing courses I lead. When I give constructive feedback on a passage that is difficult to understand, the writer will say something like "That's our standard statement of work." Again I say, "Raise your standards!"

Remember: Your clients read the writing you send them. They read the letters, contracts, statements of work, responses to requests for proposals, project charters, and similar documents. If those documents are not clear and concise with short, well-constructed sentences, your clients are slogging through them. They may be wondering why they chose (or would choose) to work with you, since your writing is so dense and difficult to read.

Do not give yourself a free pass on effective business writing. Raise your standards. Exceed your clients' expectations. That is what they want from you.

As always, I welcome your thoughts.

Lynn
Syntax Training

The Value of Giving Examples

I was on a United Airlines flight from Seattle to San Francisco this week, when a flight attendant said something I had never heard before.

Usually at the end of a flight, passengers hear an announcement about checking around them for any belongings. "Any belongings" is a colorless expression--something passengers pay little attention to.

But when we touched down in San Francisco, our flight attendant said something like this:

"Please check around to be sure you don't leave anything behind. Passengers often forget glasses, glass cases, cell phones, crayons, coloring books, paperbacks, gloves, and other things they miss later."

I immediately thought about my glasses, cell phone, and the book I had been reading. None of those would have come to mind if she had said, "Check around you for any belongings."

Her statement reminded me of the value of giving examples in business writing. Examples paint pictures for readers the way vague words cannot. (I could stop here, but instead I will give examples!)

For instance, if you are complimenting someone on an effective proposal, writing "Great proposal!" is positive but not meaningful. Details--that is, specific examples--that illustrate why the proposal was great make the compliment meaningful and memorable.

Or let's say you are writing an email to the office manager asking her to buy an up-to-date dictionary and one or two respected writing style guides for the office. What does "up to date" mean when thinking about dictionaries? And what is a respected style guide? Examples such as "published within the last five years" and The Associated Press Stylebook 2010 will point the office manager in the right direction.

When you write, remember the flight attendant's list of specific examples. Then include your own. 

I am traveling again for a few days--this time from Seattle to New York City--but I hope to write again soon.  

Lynn
Syntax Training