Business Writing

Condolences to Friends in Australia

Australians remembered the victims of the tragic bushfires today in a national day of mourning. I send condolences to our neighbors on the other side of the globe. I am sorry for your heartbreaking losses of loved ones, property, and community.

Fionna wrote asking for help to write a condolence message to friends:

"I want to send a card to friends who lost their home in the recent bushfires in Victoria, Australia. Luckily they were away when the fires hit, but with the loss of their home and its contents and the damage to the community, I would like to commiserate with them. Any ideas on what to write?"

Yes, Fionna. I do have ideas. Since Hurricane Katrina hit the U.S. Southeast in 2005, I have been sharing examples and suggestions for notes of sympathy and commiseration in my Writing Condolences category. In fact, the examples in response to Hurricane Katrina fit the bushfires well. You need only change the details from hurricane to bushfire.

But here's a sample message for you to adapt:

Dear Simon and Samantha,

I am so sorry about the loss of your home and the devastation of your lovely community. You have been in my thoughts since the blaze struck. I was relieved knowing you were away from home, but I share your sorrow in all that you have lost.

Please know that I am thinking of you in your time of sadness and loss.

Fionna

This example is for someone who lost a family member:

Dear Stephen,

Please accept my condolences on the death of your brother Nigel. His sudden death at the hands of the bushfires is tragic and heartbreaking. We all wish we could undo what happened and bring him back as his funny, wisecracking self. The world is a lesser place without Nigel in it.

I wish I had words that could make your pain less. But at least you know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you grieve.

In sympathy,

Bruce

I extend my sympathy to all who suffered a loss in Victoria. I hope these examples are helpful.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Addressing a Widow

How do you address a widow? I recently sent a note of condolence to a woman whose husband had died. Because I didn't know her well, I guessed about how to address the envelope. I used this style:

Ms. Grace Tomlinson

When she wrote back to thank me, I noticed her return address. She called herself:

Mrs. Ralph Tomlinson

When I write to her again, I will address her envelope "Mrs. Ralph Tomlinson" since that is her preference.

At work, a woman rarely uses her husband's first name to identify herself. However, if you write to donors, constituents, members, patients, or customers, pay attention to the way they refer to themselves. At the beginning of your relationship with them, you can ask them about their preference for the title Miss, Ms., or Mrs. and other details of their name. If a woman uses her husband's name, write to her that way even if he dies. When and if she decides to stop using his name, you can follow her lead.

For other posts I have written about condolences, read on from here down.

Lynn
AKA (also known as) Ms. Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

   

Writing Condolences for Pets

Last week my friends Patrick and Tim lost a beloved companion: their 14-year-old miniature schnauzer, Victor. If you have experienced the death of a pet, you know that it can be just as sad as the loss of a human being--sometimes more so. (Translation for readers around the globe: more so means "even more than.")

The deep sadness comes from the loss of companionship, loyalty, and "unconditional love" that a pet gives so enthusiastically. When Patrick and Tim arrive home now, there is no eager-eyed, tail-wagging creature to greet them. The house stands silent and empty.

When an employee, coworker, client, or friend loses a beloved pet, send a note of condolence--just as you do when a loved one dies. I sent Patrick and Tim an email when I heard the sad news, then a sympathy card. Here is the text of the email:

Dear Patrick and Tim,

I just read your message about Victor's passing. I am so sorry for your loss. In my experience, there is no creature like a dog for unconditional love, enthusiasm, zest for playing, and unending expectation of life's next treat. I imagine that his place in your home, your daily routines, and--of course, your hearts--will long seem empty.

I will remember Victor's beautiful bows and his wandering sniffs at picnics. I will also remember how dear he was to you.

Please accept my deep sympathy. I will be thinking of you in your sorrow.

Because I had met Victor many times, I was able to write something about my experience of him. But even if you have never met a vendor's or customer's pet, you can write notes like these:

Please accept my sympathy on the death of your dear companion, Isis. I know the big role she played in your life, and I am very sorry that she is no longer with you. I will be thinking of you as you grieve the loss of your beloved cat.

************************************
We were so sorry to hear that Sunny died in an accident. From the many photos that have decorated your desktop, we know she was a light in your life, and we realize that you will miss her deeply. Please accept our condolences on your sad and sudden loss and know that we are sharing it with you.

*************************************
I was saddened to hear the news that Ernie's life ended last week. Although I didn't know your dog, I know how much you cared about him, and I know you will miss him deeply after your many years together. Please accept my sincere sympathy on the passing of your dear friend.

I have written a lot about condolence messages since Hurricane Katrina devastated the Southeastern United States 18 months ago. For many examples and tips on expressing sympathy in business relationships, please look here.

Lynn

Thanking a Group for Condolences

A reader wrote to ask for help on writing a thank you to her coworkers, who were extremely supportive when her son died tragically in an accident. I am very sorry for her and her family's terrible loss, and I know that writing such a thank you can be challenging for many reasons.

In those situations, feelings of deep sadness and loss can sap our energy and spoil our concentration. Our words can seem feeble compared to the huge support we have been given. We may be unable to remember the many kindnesses given to us, and we are likely to worry that we have forgotten something of major importance. All those feelings are maddening when we want so much to express our gratitude!

Here is a sample thank you note to express gratitude to a group at work.

Dear Friends and Coworkers,

It is difficult to find the words to express our gratitude for the many kindnesses you have shown us during this sad time.

We are so grateful for all you have done for us. The cards, letters, phone and email messages, prayers, and visits meant a great deal to us as we struggled with our heartbreaking loss. Along with the emotional support you gave us, the meals, chores, and other gifts of your time and energy helped sustain us day to day.

We are unable to write individual thank yous to each one of you, given the great outpouring of support. Please know that your generosity and thoughtfulness have touched us deeply.

Knowing that we were not alone helped us bear our grief and sadness. Thank you for being there for us.

With sincere thanks,

If you have experienced a loss and received condolences and kindnesses from others, be assured that no one will judge you on your ability to write a thank you. They will be pleased to hear from you, but they will not expect more than a few sentences of acknowledgment.

Another reader recently asked, "Do I have to write thank yous for sympathy cards?" In response, I say (although I am not an expert on etiquette) you do not have to write thank yous for sympathy cards. But write them if doing so will help you feel better and more connected with others.

For other examples of thank you notes for condolences, see this post.

Lynn

Thank You for Condolences

I have been writing lately about how to compose a condolence message and how and why to write thank you notes. This post combines the two: how to write a thank you for a condolence message.

I'm inspired to write on this topic because of the search strings people have used to reach this blog. "Thank you letter for condolence message" is a definite topic of interest around the world. For all of you whose search has brought you here, I hope this information will be helpful to you, especially in your time of healing.

Here is a note I received from my friend and business associate Margaret Elwood after the death of her father. Margaret kindly sent me this thank you and gave me her permission to share it with you.

Dear Lynn and Michael,

Your sympathy card was timely and very, very helpful to me during difficult days last week. And though I received several notes of condolence through e-mail, I found in my distress that a tangible card I could see on my desk was really much more comforting. Thank you so much.

This week is much better, and though I know that grief takes its own time outside of my control, I am feeling grateful for the years I had with my father and for the time I have with friends like you right now.

Margaret

Remember, your friends and colleagues will not expect you to write detailed messages. Just knowing that you received their card, note, letter, flowers, or other gift may be enough. Consider these five short messages:

Thank you for your kindness and sympathy during our time of loss. It gives us much comfort to know that you are thinking of us as we grieve our son's death.

Warm regards,
________________

It was very nice of you to think of me in this time of sadness. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.
________________

Thank you for your touching letter. I really enjoyed hearing from you. The story you shared about my mother made me smile. 

My mother lived a long, full life. Although her passing is a sad milestone for me, I am grateful for having her with me for so many years.

With many thanks,
________________

Please accept my sincere thanks for the beautiful flowers you sent for my sister's memorial service. She would have loved them.

I appreciate your thoughtfulness and caring more than I can say.
________________

I can hardly express how grateful I am for your attendance at my brother's funeral. It was so good of you to take the time to be with me and my family.

Your kindness and compassion mean a great deal to us.

Sincerely,
________________

I hope Margaret's message and my examples will be useful models as you write your own notes of thanks.

_______________________________
Other search spelling: condolances

The Hardest Note to Write

Some of us think writing sales letters, cover letters, or requests for donations is the hardest work imaginable. But this week I wrote the most challenging kind of delicate message: condolences to someone who had lost a coworker through suicide.

Because I knew very little about the situation (very little had been shared), I could only write a brief note to convey my sympathy. I could not touch on anything to do with the deceased, his death, or his life. I knew only that he was a male coworker. My short message went something like this:

Dear ______,

Please accept my sincere sympathy on the tragic death of your friend from work. I am very sorry that he is no longer with you.

No doubt this sad event has been very disturbing for you and for the many other people who knew and cared for him. I am thinking of you and them in this time of loss and bereavement.

With sympathy,

As I have written in earlier posts about messages of condolence in times of death and destruction, it is best to avoid spiritual and philosophical topics unless you are absolutely certain that your remarks will be welcome. Remember: The purpose of this message is to comfort the bereaved. Avoid comments that may cause discomfort or embarrassment.

If you are wondering whether to send this kind of message in a business relationship, take the risk. Sending a note or card creates the opportunity to connect with another human being who may be suffering. It reduces isolation and may establish a bond between you and them. At the very least, it shows that you care enough to communicate.

Note: This month our e-newsletter, Better Writing at Work, focuses on the human side of business writing. You can subscribe for free.

Writing Condolences

In early September I posted a blog on writing condolences, inspired by the need to send messages to people affected by Hurricane Katrina. Since then I have been amazed at the number of people who have visited this blog in search of examples of condolence letters.

The earlier blog focused on writing to people affected by the hurricane and its aftermath. This one features examples of notes of condolence when someone has died. They are appropriate in both business and personal situations. Of course, you may pick and choose from the sentiments in these examples to create a message that matches your reader and the situation.

As for how to send the message, dropping a note or card in the mail is preferable to email. This statement from a bereaved friend explains why:

Though I received several notes of condolence through e-mail, I found in my distress that a tangible card I could see on my desk was really much more comforting.

In these examples, I make no assumptions about the beliefs of the reader regarding death, dying, and spiritual matters. Comments on those topics are appropriate only when you are certain they will comfort the reader. After all, comfort and support (not preaching) are the reasons for this message.

On the death of a spouse:
Dear ______,

We are so sorry about _____'s death. She was a lovely woman who touched so many lives with her joy and generosity. We miss her deeply already, and we can only imagine the heartbreak you feel.

One of our fondests memories of your dear wife is of the kindness she showed to the refugee family from Rwanda. She treated them like her own family. She involved many of us in that kindness, and we were all better people because of it. ____ lived her life as a model of grace and goodness. We are very lucky to have known her.

Please accept our deepest sympathy.

Sincerely,

Upon a death after a long illness:
Dear _____,

Please accept my sincere sympathy on the passing of your brother. Although he suffered for a long time and this moment may seem like a blessing, it is still a grave loss for you. Life is never quite the same when a sibling is no longer present, and I am sorry for the hardship you are experiencing.

I will hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers as you move through the process of grieving and healing. Please know that there are many like me who are thinking of you.

With warm regards,

On the death of a parent:
Dear _____,

Please accept my sincere condolences on the passing of your dear father. I am so sorry about your loss.

Although I never met your father, I know how much he meant to you. Through your stories of his frugality, his love of nature, and his loving support of you, I feel as though I knew him. I know he was a fine man and that his absence will be felt by many people.

When my father died, it gave me a good feeling to talk with people about him. I would enjoy hearing more about your father and his life if you would like to share memories when we get together. In the meantime, I will be thinking of you and your family.

With deep sympathy,

On the death of a difficult person:
Dear _____,

Please accept my sympathy on the death of your _______. I know she was difficult at times, and no doubt you are experiencing a range of emotions. Nevertheless, the death of someone who has been important in your life always creates an absence. I am very sorry for your loss.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you move through your bereavement.

With sincere condolences,

On the death of a child:
Dear ______,

We are so sorry about the death of your beautiful daughter. We wish we could find words that would relieve your pain, but we cannot imagine what they are. Losing a child is one of the saddest life experiences possible, and words of true comfort are difficult to find.

Please know that we are thinking of you in your sorrow. You have our sincere condolences.

In sympathy,

On a death when you know very little about the situation:
Dear _____,

We are very sorry to learn that you have experienced a death in your family. Although we do not know the details, we want you to know that we are thinking about you in your bereavement.

Please accept our condolences.

Sincerely,

For those who receive them, letters of sympathy and condolence provide an essential link with other people in a time of loss and need. Don't worry about the exact wording or grammar. Just write. Your goal is not to be perfect but to make a sincere connection with another human being.

Sending Condolences: Hurricane Katrina

This post is about writing condolences, but first things first:

The past week has been filled with tragedy and loss for many Americans in the Southeast. If you or someone you love has been affected by the horrible events of the hurricane and its aftermath, please accept my sincere sympathy. I hope you know that people throughout the world are holding you in their hearts and minds.

Although all Americans and many people throughout the world have been touched by the disaster, some have been touched more deeply. These are people who have lost or been separated from loved ones, whose homes or businesses have been destroyed, or whose future has been turned upside down in one way or another.

For those who have experienced a profound loss, it is very helpful to hear from others. Receiving notes and calls helps to reduce isolation, loneliness, and helplessness. Yet for those outside the experience it can often be hard to know what to say to someone whose life has been changed by suffering and loss. Here are some suggestions and examples to reduce the difficulty and awkwardness.

Suggestions: Send an email or a note through regular mail. Don't be embarrassed if you can't think of the "right" words. Just write what you feel. Acknowledge the other person's loss. Express your care, concern, or understanding. Close with an expression of sympathy.

Example 1.
Dear _____,

Words cannot express how sorry we are about the recent tragic events that have touched you so deeply. Your loss is huge, and we can only imagine the hurt you feel.

We want you to know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Please accept our condolences and our hopes for your healing and renewal.

With sympathy,

Example 2:
Dear _________,

I am so sorry about the heartbreaking losses you have experienced through Hurricane Katrina. Please accept my deepest sympathy.

As you move through the difficult days and weeks ahead, you will be present in my thoughts. If there is anything I can do to ease your loss, please let me know. I would be grateful for the opportunity to help you.

With sincere sympathy,

Example 3:
Dear ____,

We are deeply sorry to learn about your losses caused by the hurricane and its terrible aftermath. Please know that we are all thinking about you and your coworkers as you piece together your lives and your work.

You have our sincere condolences.

Example 4:
Dear ____,

Talking with ______, I learned about how Hurricane Katrina has upset your plans for school [retirement, business]. I am very sorry this has happened. I know it must be extremely difficult for you and others in your situation.

I simply want you to know I am thinking of you. I wish you the best possible outcome as you navigate this very difficult time.

Sincerely,

I hope these examples are helpful in writing notes of sympathy and condolence. 

Lynn