Business Writing

Why Do We Pile on Words?

I was flying across the country a few days ago, and I paid attention to the recorded safety instructions: "Federal law prohibits tampering with, disabling, or destroying lavatory smoke detectors."

Tampering with, disabling, or destroying. Do we need all three? Isn't disabling a form of tampering? Isn't destroying a whole lot of tampering?

What would we lose if we said, "Federal law prohibits tampering with lavatory smoke detectors"?

Nothing.

Well, nothing if all our passengers speak English. 

If we use all three expressions, we increase the odds that a person who does not understand English well will understand one of the words. "Tampering with" is not a phrase I would easily recognize in other languages. But I would recognize "disabling" and "destroying" in at least two others.

So I am going to guess that the triple-word buildup in the airline safety example is used to increase understanding.

But sometimes business writers pile up words for no reason. The other day I read a web page that referred to getting "help, support, and assistance." Those three words mean the same thing. Choose one!

Sometimes people who take my business writing courses let me know in class prework that they want to "write more concisely, not use so many words." Happily, by the end of the class, they know how to say it once instead of twice.

In business writing, less is more. The less you write, the more likely it is that your audience will read your message.

What do you think about "tampering with, disabling, or destroying" and other word pileups? Please share your view.

If you would like to take an online writing class with me, consider How to Write Email That Gets Results and Writing Tune-Up for Peak Performance.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Have You Been Triaged Yet?

My example today is not from business writing, but I am sure we can relearn something from it.

When I sat in a doctor's waiting room with my father this afternoon, a medical staff member asked a man sitting near us, "Have you been triaged yet?"

The man had no answer.

Jargon anyone? How would you have responded?

Lynn
Syntax Training

Humor in Business Writing - Does It Belong?

Today someone sent me an evaluation of an online business writing course he had taken with me. This was his final comment:

I liked the online format. It was like being in an actual classroom, but without sitting next to the person who had a garlic and onion chilidog for lunch. Oh, sorry, that was me.

I got a huge laugh from this comment, first because the reference to a chilidog surprised me in a class evaluation, especially of a virtual class. Then his naming himself as the chilidog eater gave me another quick treat.

The surprising humor in a normally dry document brightened my morning at my desk. Humor in small, unexpected doses works well on the job.

Humor in business messages fails when it is piled on like a performance.

A few months ago I taught a business writing workshop in which someone had submitted a writing sample of meeting minutes that were filled with witty side comments. The first one or two comments were entertaining. But after that, I wondered how anyone could get through the meeting notes to review what had happened at the meeting.

When I arrived to teach the class, I learned that the man who had written the notes would not be able to attend. I started to think about how I would bring up the topic of humor in business writing with him, since we would not have the chance to meet face to face.

It turned out I did not need to talk with him. People in the class told me they had a team member who was overdoing humor. They said they had let him know gently that they would prefer he get to the point in his writing without piling on the fun and puns. As readers, they had handled it themselves.

Humor fails when it gets in the way of the message.

In writing classes, I often ask participants what they need from the documents they read at work. Only about 1 in 20 participants mentions "Make it interesting." No one mentions humor. No one.

Based on my experience with hundreds of people in classes, I can confidently say that your readers at work do not need or expect humor from you. However, I will guess that if you throw in an occasional unexpected bit of whimsy, they will love it.

What do you think about humor in business writing? Not in essays or blog posts, but in regular business messages such as email, reports, and meeting notes. Please share your insights.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Like People, Bullet Points Need an Introduction

Recently my daughter received a letter from a music school that interests her. Here is how the letter began:

We are delighted that you have expressed an interest in our program here at the University of XXXX School of Music.

1. Outstanding dedicated artist faculty.
2. Our exceptional University Symphony Orchestra, presenting a full season of concerts . . . .
3. Cutting-edge experiential curriculum . . . .
4. Commitment to blending innovation with tradition . . . .

The content of the bullet points was fine--exciting and varied. The problem was that the bullets had no introduction. What were the 10 items? Never was it stated.

Sure, my daughter could figure out that these were 10 strengths of the university's music program. But readers should not have to figure out what bullet points signify. Bullet points need a sentence of introduction.

For the letter to my daughter, the introduction to the bullets might have been:

Consider these 10 reasons to give our program a closer look: [or]

Our current XXXX students give these reasons for choosing our music program: [or]

Among the strengths of our program are:

Like people, bullet points need an introduction. Otherwise, they keep us wondering.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Send Sales Flyers to Employees Too!

The other day I got a sales flyer by email from a specialty music company, one I often order from. The flyer featured amplifiers, and I happened to want to buy one for a gift. So I read the flyer and called the company within an hour to place an order. I acted quickly because the sales copy said supplies of certain amplifiers were limited.

I told the friendly telephone sales rep I had just received the "all electronic" sales flyer that featured amplifiers, and I wanted his advice on the best amplifier for my needs. He said he had not received the flyer, so he did not know which amplifiers I was referring to. However, he could locate the products if I gave him their names and product numbers.

I was disappointed. I expected the sales rep to be familiar with the flyer I had received and to be able to talk with me about the products on its pages. When I realized he had not seen the flyer, I silently doubted that he could help me, and I worried that he would not have correct information about the sales prices.

The sales rep saved the situation. He asked me which amplifiers had caught my attention and what I wanted an amplifier for. Then he talked intelligently about which products were more amplifier than I needed and which seemed suited to my needs. I placed an order and felt confident about the choice I had made and the price I was paying.

Retail companies go through so many steps in the sales process. They choose products to feature, set sales prices, check inventories, design flyers, write persuasive ad copy, proof the ad copy, and email sales flyers to their customers. With all those steps, it is a shame when the sales process fails because telephone sales reps are not prepared for customers.

Does your company go through an extensive process to sell products or attract clients? Is it possible that the process is weakened by a lack of preparedness for customers and clients when they call, email, order online, or stop by?

Communicate. Do whatever it takes--in writing, training, and other ways--to prepare employees for customers and clients. Send sales flyers to employees too!

What is your view? Have you been disappointed as a potential customer? Does your company do things right?

Lynn
Syntax Training

Everything About Holiday Greetings

Update on December 27, 2011: For New Year's greetings, read this post.

At this time of year many people are asking questions about holiday greetings. In the spirit of the season, I have linked to a few of my popular posts on holiday greeting topics (below). 

In addition, an excellent resource for the correct dates of holidays around the globe is the University of Kansas Medical Center's Diversity Calendar. Click this link for a list of holidays in November and December 2011.

Here are practical posts on holiday greetings:

How Do You Like Your Holiday Cards? includes readers' opinions on printed cards vs. emailed Christmas and holiday greetings.

Giving Thanks to Customers, Employees, and Others includes 10 examples of thank-you messages. Note: In the United States, Thanksgiving is on November 24 this year.

Holiday Greetings Made Easy shares many tips on holiday greetings, from thanks and Thanksgiving to Christmas and Hanukkah messages to New Year's notes. Note: I have updated the blog post in my current newsletter article, "Holiday Messages Made Easy." If you do not receive the newsletter, Better Writing at Work," subscribe for free. The updated article includes a sample holiday greeting to send if you are in a job search.

Tips for Writing a Holiday Letter offers examples of how to share the year's highlights without sounding like a braggart.

On to New Year's Wishes answers your questions about how to render the holiday name correctly.

Happy New Year Sentiments and Sentences provides templates for messages.

Post-Holiday Writing Etiquette shares ideas on how to be gracious after the holidays.

Sending holiday messages is a perfect way to create and maintain business relationships. If the process seems intimidating, using the resources above will make it much easier. 

Enjoy!

Lynn
Syntax Training

Job Applicants' Emails That Win With Bebe

Last week I taught a business writing class at a sophisticated communications company in San Francisco. One of the attendees was a recruiter, Bebe, whose responsibility is to fill jobs in San Francisco and Seattle.

When Bebe read my revision of an ineffective email, she cried out, "THIS is what I need from applicants! I wish they would give me THIS!"

What Bebe wants from job candidates who write to her is this:

• A subject line or a short opening sentence that names the job the applicant is applying for.
• Short chunks of text. No paragraphs longer than four lines.
• Short sentences, each one 25 words or less.
• Bullet points that concisely list experience and accomplishments that are relevant to the job.
• Headings, where appropriate, to make something stand out.
• Nothing irrelevant--only information that Bebe needs to determine whether she should forward the resume to a hiring manager.
• Nothing unprofessional such as a bold red font or wallpaper backgrounds.
• No more than one follow-up message. After that, Bebe feels pestered, which is not a way to win her respect or her goodwill.  

My best advice for people who are writing job-search messages is this: Remember that you are writing to get the interview--not the job. You do not have to tell everything. (Doing so will lead to a bloated message.) You only have to tell enough to communicate that you are worth interviewing.

Do you have tips for job-search emails and letters? Please share them with the applicants who read this blog.

Lynn
Syntax Training

When "Rebooting" Means Grabbing the Galoshes

I accompanied my 89-year-old father to the hearing aid center yesterday. He had just gotten hearing aids and needed instruction on how to use them.

The doctor, around age 50, told my father that a tiny button on his new hearing aid would "reboot" it. My father looked at the doctor, dumbfounded. Was he hearing incorrectly? "Reboot" a hearing aid?

My father is of the age and experience that "rebooting" means putting on your galoshes, or boots, again.

When I explained that my father did not use a computer, the doctor smiled and tried again. He told my father that the tiny hearing aid button would reset the hearing aid back to its original settings. That made perfect sense to all of us.  

Know your audience!

Lynn
Syntax Training

Practical Advice to Reduce Notetaking Stress

We all schedule meetings on our calendars. But people who take notes at meetings need to schedule three events on theirs:

1. Time before the meeting to review the agenda, reports, and presentations that attendees have shared in advance
2. Time to attend the meeting
3. Time to complete a final draft of the notes

When I teach the online class Meeting Notes Made Easy, people are surprised to hear this advice. But they are quick to realize that taking time to prepare for the meeting makes the notetaking task less stressful and more successful. Setting aside time to finish the minutes helps get the job done without scrambling to type and distribute them just before the next meeting. 

I confess that I recently ignored my own practical advice when I took minutes for a group on a Sunday in September. Although I prepared for the meeting, when it ended on a sunny afternoon, I skipped the final writing task and did not add it to my calendar. Now I am pressed to get the notes done before the group meets again and feeling guilty about the delay.

Yes, adding three events to your calendar is a great way to take and complete notes confidently and calmly. I will be sure to follow my advice next time!

If you want to take better meeting notes and minutes, take the upcoming online class Meeting Notes Made Easy on December 14.

Now let me sit down to finish those September minutes.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Writing Advice for Job Seekers

The other day I was teaching a business writing class in Portland, Oregon, when a manager said this:

"I got an email from someone who had just completed his certification and was looking for a job. In his email, he didn't even capitalize his own name! And there were other errors in spelling and grammar. I didn't consider hiring him for one moment." 

The job was for someone with diving skills, not writing skills. So why did the hiring manager so quickly reject the applicant, who had completed his diving certification?

The manager explained:

"I could not have someone like that representing the company."

People who are applying for jobs need to realize that application screeners and hiring managers will judge them by their writing, whether the job involves much writing or not. Not capitalizing one's name is sloppy, clueless behavior. It shows that applicants don't know how to present themselves professionally. Therefore, they won't represent the company professionally.

As a reader of this blog, you already know that writing matters. You wouldn't think of not capitalizing your name or of making obvious errors in a job-application message.

But some people around you don't know. Consider that diver, who was no doubt proud of his new certification and pleased about his job prospects. Do you know people like him? Talk to them. Tell them they MUST communicate professionally if they want a decent job.

Will you spread the word?

Lynn
Syntax Training