The other day someone who is starting a new business sent me a piece of writing to review. It was a marketing piece to introduce his consulting services. It ran about 350 words.
The piece needed a lot of revisions to be something people would read. Big paragraphs needed to be carved into concise bullet points. Attractive formatting needed to dress up the document. Stale words like integrated and diverse cried out for fresh synonyms and similes. The writing needed some numbers too–something specific to focus on.
But more than any of those needs, the piece needed one word–just three letters:
Nowhere in 350+ words did you appear. But who is the audience for our marketing if not you? Who is the customer for our businesses if not you? How can we stay in business without you?
Why not take a few minutes to find the word you in your marketing pieces? It should appear in the first 10 words, then throughout the message.
Proposals need you too. Don’t begin with a description of your services. Begin with a discussion of how you will help your reader, your you. You comes first. (Please don’t worry about my subject-verb agreement. I mean the word you comes first.)
Thanks for reading my blog. I appreciate you.