I was reviewing writing samples for an upcoming business writing class when I found some bullet points that went flat–no power, no pizzazz. Their dullness was unfortunate because of the subject matter. See if you recognize what I mean in this example, which I have made up:
There are many new faces to welcome:
- Please welcome Mary Robertson to Minneapolis as regional sales manager.
- Please welcome Fred Liszt to Washington, D.C., as brand manager.
- Please welcome Delia West to Dallas as sales manager.
- Please welcome Matt Spencer to Chicago as sales representative.
- And welcome Ilya Kovich to St. Louis as sales representative.
Did you fall asleep reading that list? The "Please welcomes" are almost hypnotic.
Anytime the beginnings of your bullet points repeat the same words, move those words to your introductory sentence, like this:
Please welcome these new faces:
- Mary Robertson, promoted to regional sales manager in Minneapolis
- Fred Liszt, our new brand manager in Washington, D.C.
- Delia West, promoted to sales manager in Dallas
- Matt Spencer, Chicago's newest sales representative
- Ilya Kovich, our new sales assistant in St. Louis
Eliminate the repetition and you will bring energy and clarity to your content.
Do you have suggestions for better bullet points? Please share them.