Shift in Thoughts? Change Paragraphs.

Several times a day I receive an email that lists reporters’ requests for sources. It’s called the HARO, Help a Reporter Out. Business owners like me receive the HARO to find ways to get publicity.

At the start of each HARO email is a paragraph promoting a product or service. I rarely read the promo because it’s¬†one huge paragraph. I avoid the intimidating block of text and move on to the short chunks of text beneath it.

Below is one of this week’s HARO opening paragraphs, a 186-word wall. How would you break it into shorter chunks of text? Here’s an easy rule to follow: Shift in thoughts? Change paragraphs.

********************

Are you looking for a new strategy to earn publicity for your¬†product or client? The team at PTPA Media are your people! From¬†influencer programs to the top trending Twitter parties, they¬†have a community of over 100,000 families who are just waiting¬†to hear about your product or service! Over the past year they¬†were featured on The Steve Harvey Show, Ricki Lake, HLN, Marie¬†Osmond, and EXTRA! Do you have a product that you would love to¬†get in front of moms? Now is the time to get it tested by PTPA!¬†Their awards program is the most recognized across North¬†America! Even better? PTPA Media has over 1,000 bloggers in¬†their network who write for them. These guys have the¬†credibility and the connections. HARO members, submit your¬†application form before December 31 and you’ll receive a $200¬†discount on premium submissions using the coupon code “____.”¬†Go to http://bit.ly/NJpkb6 to set up your profile, or click¬†here (http://ptpamedia.uberflip.com/t/151114) to download their¬†media kit. Get going! It’s not often you come across a company¬†that can do this much for your brand!

********************

Did you notice the powerful writing? The writer grabs our attention, keeps us interested, and offers steps for us to take. He or she comes on strong, positive, and focused–the coach before the big game.

How did you or would you break up the block to make it more accessible, less imposing? Compare your paragraph breaks with mine below.

 

********************

Are you looking for a new strategy to earn publicity for your product or client? The team at PTPA Media are your people! From influencer programs to the top trending Twitter parties, they have a community of over 100,000 families who are just waiting to hear about your product or service! Over the past year they were featured on The Steve Harvey Show, Ricki Lake, HLN, Marie Osmond, and EXTRA!

Do you have a product that you would love to get in front of moms? Now is the time to get it tested by PTPA! Their awards program is the most recognized across North America! Even better? PTPA Media has over 1,000 bloggers in their network who write for them. These guys have the credibility and the connections.

HARO members, submit your¬†application form before December 31 and you’ll receive a $200¬†discount on premium submissions using the coupon code “____.”¬†Go to¬†http://bit.ly/NJpkb6¬†to set up your profile, or click¬†here (http://ptpamedia.uberflip.com/t/151114) to download their¬†media kit.

Get going! It’s not often you come across a company¬†that can do this much for your brand!

********************

You want your audience to pay attention to your writing, so don’t build walls of text that turn readers away. Shift in topics? Change paragraphs.

Was your revised version the same as mine? Feel free to share your suggestions.

If you want to continue to tune up your writing, take my online Writer’s Tune-Up for Peak Performance on Dec. 4 and 5.

Lynn
Syntax Training

6 COMMENTS

  1. Great exercise, Lynn! I personally would break it up even further. I generally keep paragraphs to two or three sentences or three or four lines.

    Here’s mine:

    Are you looking for a new strategy to earn publicity for your product or client? The team at PTPA Media are your people!

    From influencer programs to the top trending Twitter parties, they have a community of over 100,000 families who are just waiting to hear about your product or service! Over the past year they were featured on The Steve Harvey Show, Ricki Lake, HLN, Marie Osmond, and EXTRA!

    Do you have a product that you would love to get in front of moms? Now is the time to get it tested by PTPA! Their awards program is the most recognized across North America!

    Even better? PTPA Media has over 1,000 bloggers in their network who write for them. These guys have the credibility and the connections.

    HARO members, submit your application form before December 31 and you’ll receive a $200 discount on premium submissions using the coupon code “____.”

    Go to http://bit.ly/NJpkb6 to set up your profile, or click here (http://ptpamedia.uberflip.com/t/151114) to download their media kit.

    Get going! It’s not often you come across a company that can do this much for your brand!

  2. That was a great pitch, but I never would have gotten to the end of it without the intention of breaking up.

    I, too, broke it down further than you did, Lynn. Just like Rob with one exception, I kept his 5th and 6th paragraphs together.

    Very thought provoking.

    Thanks, Lynn

  3. Thanks for stopping by, Rob, Mary Hazel, and Stephanie. Rob, you win! I like the breaks you made. I hesitated to break the text into so many paragraphs, but you followed my advice better than I did: Shift in thoughts? Change paragraphs.

    The short paragraphs fit well with the narrow column of this blog.

    I’m glad you all liked the exercise.

    Lynn

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here