« Read Your Dense Privacy Policy? No, I'll Go Elsewhere | Main | Does "Ladies" Belong in a Salutation? »

June 26, 2019

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Nick

But what if the wolf on that person's cool shirt identifies as an armadillo?

Patty Rechberger

I am originally from Brazil, where the Latin-based language assigns gender to EVERYTHING. Even worst, in Portuguese, there is no such thing as a gender-neutral they/them/theirs. Instead, we have the plural versions of she/her/hers and he/him/his, and the generalization of groups of people is always male, using the plural form of he/him/his even if there are hundreds of females and a single male in the group. This has always bothered me (I identify as female, she/her). I welcome gender-neutral language, have started using it in the past year or so, and vow to improve my knowledge of it. Thank you for sharing, Lynn!

Laura

Lynn,I appreciate this very much. I am trying to do better in this regard, but it's really hard to break old habits. And how do you address someone when you are trying to show respect? Many people nearly automatically say things like, "May I help you, sir?" or "Thank you, Ma'am." They mean no ill will; they're just trying to respect their customer. What is the correct form of address for these situations?

Bridget

Hi, Lynn.
I’ve enjoyed your columns for quite some time. I believe this is my first reply. I appreciate gender-neutral language; however, I find it difficult using a plural pronoun when referring to a single person. I wish we could come up with a gender neutral single person pronoun. Does the book you mentioned discuss this? It’s very difficult to artificially add words into a language, especially a pronoun, but for me, calling a single person a plural seems artificial. If there’s a large number of people who see it that way, then why not come up with new pronouns? Thank you for posting interesting topics. I enjoy reading the responses as well. :)

Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

Hi Nick, Patty, Laura, and Bridget,

Nice to hear from you all.

Nick, you leave me smiling and speechless!

Patty, good for you for wanting to improve your knowledge. And thanks for letting us know about Portuguese. That masculine language dominance is frustrating. I have found it interesting that in Spanish people now use Latinx instead of Latina or Latino--that's progress.

Laura, good question. The authors of the book suggest that a bright "hello" is a good, respectful replacement for a gender-based greeting. I use "sir" a lot--that's a habit I need to break immediately.

Bridget, thanks for your positive feedback. As soon as I wrote this review, I lent my copy of the book to someone at a high-tech company, so my comment here is from memory. I believe the authors briefly touched on "hir" and "hirs" as written gender-neutral replacements for "his" and "hers," but those new words have not become popular. And they would not help in a spoken situation since they sound the same as "her" and "hers." I think the solution is to become comfortable with "they" as a singular. It does take time.

Lynn

Patty Rechberger

Lynn,

I almost mentioned the "x", which is also available in Portuguese. Instead of "ela" (she) or "ele" (he), I use elx, and so forth. However, it's much easier written than spoken. Half of the time, I am uncertain on how to pronounce the word once I make the "x" substitution. But yes, it's progress.

It has always been common in Portuguese to address groups of people by saying both genders ("ladies and gentleman" style), but of course that language only addresses 2 gender possibilities. I also have a "bad" "sir" and "ma'am" habit. Have gotten in trouble with people who find those terms ageist; now I have to worry about gender as well. But I find "hello" kinda lacking. And how do you get someone's attention when they're not looking? "Hey, you"?

Hopefully, as the language continues to evolve, respectful, gender-neutral terms will appear.

Kindly,
Patty

Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

Patty, these are all good points. Thank you!

I too find "hello" lacking. It doesn't convey respect the way "sir" and "ma'am" do. Yet I am hopeful that using it with the right body language will communicate.

Regarding getting someone's attention, I guess we just have to use a loud "Excuse me" or a similar expression. I know that when my daughter was little, every time I heard "Mom" or "Mommy" I paid attention--even if she was not with me. We need a word that does that job without being gender- or role-based. That's a challenge!

In the Democratic presidential debates last night I heard a candidate say "Latin-ex." Although perfectly clear, it sounded weird. I guess I was hoping for "Lah-teen-ex" or something that sounded more like Spanish.

And the world continues to change.

Thanks for the conversation.

Lynn

DJ

This is going to take some time.

Carmel

Hello Lynn,

I truly appreciate your column and am happy to see the use of gender-neutral words as this week's topic.

As for a respectful greeting that does not use ma'am or sir, I have begun to use phrases such as "Hello, fellow teammates!" or "Good day, dear customer!".
Most of the time, people just greet me right back. When I do get a questioning look, I explain that I am practicing gender neutral greetings. The key is being authentic in the greeting and showing respect.

I hope this may help your dear readers.

Regards,

Carmel (she/her)

Deborah

I've got mixed feelings about this. While it seems doable in English, I find it very hard in Italian or any other language where adjectives get conjugated according to the gender (which applies not only to humans, but also to objects and animals...). I follow this topic with genuine interest, hoping to find some guidance, and as always I've found some great tips here. Thank you for bringing it up!

Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

Carmel, thank you for your suggestions. "Teammates" and "customer" are good words to work with as we get used to gender-neutral greetings.

Lynn

Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

Deborah, I agree that gender-neutral communication is challenging in many languages, particularly those that communicate the gender of everything. But I'm encouraged with the development of the word "Latinx" as an alternative to "Latino" and "Latina" in Spanish. Evolution of a language takes time, but it does happen.

Lynn

Katy

Thank you for posting--this is a very important topic!
For Bridget and others who find it challenging to use "they" to refer to one person, keep in mind we often use "they" as a singular pronoun in casual speech. For example, if you find a wallet on the ground, do you say, "Someone has dropped his or her wallet"? Probably not! I'm much more likely to say "Someone dropped their wallet." This frame of thinking helped me realize that it's perfectly acceptable to use "they" to refer to one person!

Lynn Gaertner-Johnston

Katy, thank you for the valuable example.

Lynn

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

Your Information

(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)