Business Writing

Email: A Great Place for a One-Track Mind

In a recent Better Business Writing class, several participants had a challenge that most of us have: They could not get readers to respond to everything they requested in their emails.

They tried to be efficient by covering more than one item in their emails. For example, one individual--let's call her Yvette--was writing to welcome new employees and tell them about the schedule for their first two days at work. She told them the details of Day 1 and Day 2 clearly and concisely. Then, at the end of her email, she asked them to send her a short bio to include on the company intranet.

You can guess what kind of response Yvette got to her email. New employees showed up at the right time and place for their new job. Almost none of them sent her a bio.

Let's call another class participant Helena. In Helena's email, she wrote to ask a group of readers to review the survey questions she had written. She gave them a bit of background on the survey and supplied the electronic link to the questions. Then Helena asked people to let her know if they could attend an upcoming meeting she wanted to schedule. 

Helena caught her mistake before finishing the email. Can you guess what would have happened if she had sent it as she had originally planned? Her readers would have reviewed the questions. But it is likely that few of them would have responded about the proposed meeting date.

Email readers have one-track minds. They look for the one thing they need to do to handle your email. 

Show up on the first day of work? Yes, readers can do that. Send a bio? Yes, no problem.

Show up AND send a bio? No, most readers will not do both things you ask.   

Yes, they will review your survey questions. Yes, they will respond about an upcoming meeting date. But they will NOT do both in response to one email.

Even though Yvette, Helena, and others in the writing class were trying to be efficient, their efforts led to inefficient communication. Happily, they realized they needed to write with one-track minds, the same way their audience reads.

Do you have tips for more efficient emails? Please share them.

Note: If you live near Seattle and would like to work with me in person on your email, proposals, or other pieces, attend the next Better Business Writing class on June 28. Or take an online class and we can work together virtually. Here is information about all my upcoming business writing courses. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

A Lesson on "Fewer" and "Less"

This past week, when I led the online class Writing Tune-Up for Peak Performance, I was surprised at the number of people who used the word less where they should have used fewer. Test yourself on the items below to find out how much you know before reading this lesson.

1. He would like to be able to express himself using fewer/less words.
2. Would you like to receive fewer/less email?
3. This checkout lane is for people who have fewer/less than 15 items.
4. Fewer/Less than 30 percent of participants could identify passive verbs.
5. Next time please give me fewer/less strawberries.
6. Can someone who is fewer/less than 44 inches tall ride this attraction?
7. She had fewer/less commuting problems when she lived in Seattle.
8. I leave for San Jose in fewer/less than two weeks.
9. He had fewer/less than $40 in his wallet when he arrived in New York.
10. I have fewer/less miles on my rewards program than I thought I had.

When I completed the test, I had used fewer five times and less five times. Do your numbers agree with mine?

 

Here are my answers:

1. fewer   2. less   3. fewer   4. Less   5. fewer   6. less      
7. fewer   8. less   9. less   10. fewer

 

Rules of Fewer and Less

Fewer is used for individual items (rather than for bulk or quantity) that are plural nouns. Fewer is never used with a singular noun. Consider these examples from the test above:

1. He would like to be able to express himself using fewer words. (Each word is an item. Words is plural.)

3. This checkout lane is for people with fewer than 15 items. (Items is plural.)

5. Next time please give me fewer strawberries. (Each strawberry is an item. Strawberries is plural.)

7. She had fewer commuting problems when she lived in Seattle. (Each problem is an item. Problems is plural.)

10. I have fewer miles on my rewards program than I thought I had. (Each mile is an item. Miles is plural.)

 

The word less is used for bulk or quantity rather than individual items. It appears with singular nouns.

I wish the rules were that simple.

However, the phrase less than appears with plural and singular nouns. According to The Gregg Reference Manual, less than is used for periods of time, distance, amounts of money, quantities, and percentages. Garner's Modern American Usage adds measurements to that list. These examples from the test require less and less than:

2. Would you like to receive less email? (The email is in bulk; email is a singular noun.)

4. Less than 30 percent of participants could identify passive verbs. (30 percent is, of course, a percentage.)

6. Can someone who is less than 44 inches tall ride this attraction? (44 inches is a measurement or distance.)

8. I leave for San Jose in less than two weeks. (Two weeks is a period of time.)

9. He had less than $40 in his wallet when he arrived in New York. ($40 is an amount of money.) 

 

Of course, common usage affects what is considered correct. With the prevalence of supermarket checkout lanes whose signs say "10 items or less" rather than "10 items or fewer," the phrase "or less" has become generally accepted. Written tasks are frequently assigned as "200 words or less" rather than "200 words or fewer."

I admit that I might choose "200 words or less" because that phrasing has begun to sound correct, the same way "It's me" works better than "It is I" these days. Although a strict grammarian would attack that position, we have to consider which language gets the message across more effectively in business communication.

Of my reference books, Garner's Modern American Usage has the best, most detailed explanations of the fewer vs. less issue. Garner offers this tip:

"If you have trouble distinguishing the two words, try substituting a phrase. If "not as much [as]" fits, make it less. If "not as many [as]" is better, use fewer.  

How about another test? Decide on fewer or less in these sentences:

1. We need fewer/less than $90 to reach our goal.
2. I wish fewer/less individuals would walk through our meeting room.
3. We received fewer/less applications than we had expected.
4. He lives fewer/less than 50 miles from where he grew up.
5. Do you know why fewer/less asparagus was available this season?
6. Fewer/Less than half our dinners include meat.
7. His goal is to make fewer/less errors in punctuation.
8. Receiving fewer/less junk mail would make me happy.
9. She writes fewer/less than three memos a month.
10. The trend is toward using more machines and fewer/less employees.

Again I included five instances of fewer and five of less.

Compare your answers with mine:

1. less (amount of money)
2. fewer (individuals)
3. fewer  (items)
4. less  (distance)
5. less  (bulk)
6. Less  (portion, amount)
7. fewer (items)
8. less (bulk)
9. fewer (items)
10. fewer (individuals)

How well did you do? Do you agree with the explanations I shared? I welcome your suggestions.

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

Improve Life for Your Proofreader

I recently led two proofreading workshops for an organization. At the beginning of both sessions, I asked attendees what causes them to miss errors in documents when they proofread.

They mentioned some of the usual reasons: short deadlines that limit proofreading time, multitasking, relying on their grammar and spelling checker, not relying on it enough, and being overly familiar with the content.

They also mentioned a reason for missing errors that I do not often hear: They work for several bosses, and their bosses often have differing preferences for the final versions of documents.

For example, one boss may want all professional titles (such as “Senior Vice President”) capitalized; another prefers them lower case. One insists on the serial comma; another does not want it. (The serial comma is the comma before and in a series such as “managers, employees, and contractors.”) One likes to end bullet points with periods; another prefers semicolons for that purpose.

For the people tasked with proofreading under short deadlines, trying to remember and meet the different needs of a variety of people can cause needless stress. This stress leads to less effective proofreading because it reduces one’s ability to focus. 

Also, when writers “correct” things their proofreader has changed, they sometimes introduce new errors.

I suggested a company style guide, which everyone could agree to follow. However, the individuals in my proofreading classes did not believe their bosses would agree to agree with one another on style.

Would you?

Would you agree to agree with others if you knew it would lead to reduced errors in proposals, letters, and bids that go out on your company letterhead? Would you agree to a company style guide if you knew it would reduce stress in the administrative assistant’s work life?

I suggest we do whatever we can, within reason, to improve the lives of our proofreaders and the accuracy of our documents. Perhaps that means allowing a bit more time so proofreaders can do the job rather than simply performing a grammar and spelling check. Maybe it means buying the latest style manuals to help them sharpen their skills. And maybe it means agreeing to a company style guide.

What do you do to improve proofreading at your company?

Lynn
Syntax Training   

 

 

The Differences Between Our Writing and Shakespeare's

Today is William Shakespeare's 449th birthday. Imagine being remembered for your fine writing hundreds of years after your death!

But if you are a business writer, being remembered is not as important as being effective day by day. Has the email you sent this morning gotten a positive response yet? Did the proposal you wrote last week win approval? Did your newsletter article inform employees of useful information?

Those questions are more relevant than this one: Will your writing be quoted in a few hundred years?

If you wrote like Shakespeare, in iambic pentameter (the rhythmic meter of much of his poetry and plays) and used fresh, rich language and extraordinary, often comic metaphors and similes, you might be successful in the literary world, but not in the business world.

We use different methods to communicate with our audience.

Instead of fresh, surprising language, we use terms all our readers can understand, even people who live on the other side of the globe. When we use an unusual term or abbreviation, we define it. We don’t want readers guessing what it means.

Instead of writing in long, flowing speeches, we use short, crisp sentences that have their own short rhythm. We know that the shorter the sentence, the easier it is to understand.

Instead of striving for comic relief, we normally strive for clarity. We recognize that our readers typically need to understand us more than they need to laugh at our message.

Instead of using double entendres (words or phrases that can be taken more than one way, often with a sexual connotation), we avoid them. We never want our readers to dissect our work for the hidden meaning. We try hard to be transparent.

Like Shakespeare, sometimes we do write about big issues, with the goal of persuading or moving our audience emotionally. But much of the time it’s the small stuff—the deadlines we meet, the promises we keep, the positive outlook we convey, the attention to detail—that makes us and our readers successful.

As a former English major, I love Shakespeare. But I would not love him if we worked together and he sent me emails like his sonnets and soliloquies (speeches in which characters reveal their innermost thoughts). Rather than being gripped by his every word, I would be tripping over them, hoping to understand his point.

What comes to mind when you think about Shakespeare and business writing? Do you work with any Shakespeares? 

Lynn
Syntax Training
P.S. If you want to send successful emails rather than write masterpieces in verse, work with me in my online course next week: How to Write Email That Gets Results.

T-Shirt Error Loses Sale

I was walking around Seattle's Sea-Tac International Airport yesterday, waiting for my flight to Maui, when I admired a T-shirt with a clever slogan:

Washington Rain Festival, Jan. 1^st – Dec. 31^st

What a perfect message, since it rains in Western Washington nearly all the time.

Despite the truthfulness of the sentiment and the reasonable price of the T-shirt, as a writer and editor I could not buy the shirt.

Why not?

Because the dates are rendered incorrectly.

According to the rules promoted by every business writing guide on my bookshelf, month-day dates use cardinal numbers (1, 2, 3 . . . 31), not ordinal ones (1st, 2nd, 3rd . . . 31st).

The slogan should read “Washington Rain Festival, Jan. 1 – Dec. 31.”

The T-shirt error did not surprise me. In the quick grammar and punctuation quiz I often give in business writing classes, attendees get this item wrong most frequently:

I can’t wait to meet Jon Lewis on June 6th. 

As you know now (if you were not certain before), the date should be rendered June 6. Even though we pronounce it “June sixth,” we type “June 6.”

People in business writing courses often ask, “Then where can we use numbers like 1st, 6th, and 31st?”

You can use them any place other than in month-day dates. For example, these uses are correct:

See you on the 16th.

We met on the Fourth of July. (Fourth is capitalized as part of the name of a holiday.)

The wedding will take place on the eighth of May.

Please pass on this tip: Your Microsoft Office grammar and spelling checker will flag errors like the one on the T-shirt. You just have to accept the correction when it pops up.

Well, since the Washington Rain Festival runs from Jan. 1 to Dec. 31, I am now relaxing and working in sunny Maui. I will be back at my desk in drizzly Seattle in a week.

Were you aware of that number rule? How about your coworkers—do they observe it?

Lynn
Syntax Training

Tricky Pronouns: Whoever and Whomever

In a comment on last week's pronoun tips and test, a reader named Jasmine asked for more examples of whomever. Whoever and whomever can be very tricky because they do not always play the role they seem to be playing in a sentence. Here are more examples of those tricky pronouns, followed by another test. 

Reminder: Whoever is a subject pronoun. It serves as a subject of a verb.

Whoever is hungry can have the leftover pizza. (Whoever is the subject of the verb is, like "He is hungry.")

Give the package to whoever comes for it. (Whoever is the subject of the verb comes, like "He comes for it.")

I am happy with whoever wins. (Whoever is the subject of the verb wins, like "He wins.")

Whoever is also correct as a subject complement, with linking verbs such as is, are, and will be.

Whoever it was did not leave her name.

Whoever they are, I like their confidence. 

Reminder: Whomever is an object pronoun. It serves as an object of a verb or a preposition.

Please invite whomever you choose. (Whomever is the object of the verb choose, like "You choose him.")

Whomever Kate marries is none of our business. (Whomever is the object of the verb marries, like "Kate marries him.")

I am eager to work with whomever Dale selects as my partner. (Whomever is the object of the verb selects, like "Dales selects her.")

Whomever Human Resources recommends as a consultant, we will still need to interview him or her. (Whomever is the object of the verb recommends, like "Human Resources recommends him.")

I will be glad to meet whomever Jon introduces me to. (Whomever is the object of the preposition to, like "Jon introduces me to him.")

TEST: Choose the correct pronoun in each sentence.

1. Whoever/Whomever you hire, I will respect your decision.

2. Whoever/Whomever volunteers to take minutes also needs to send out the agenda.

3. Whoever/Whomever Thalia used, he is obviously a great landscape designer.

4. Please reply to whoever/whomever Enno included on the To line.

5. These decisions should be left for whoever/whomever takes over Clara's job.

6. Whoever/Whomever survives the primary will face a prominent Democrat.

7. Whoever/Whomever the CEO recommends will undoubtedly be considered for the position.

8. We will interview whoever/whomever meets the criteria.

9. I spoke to whoever/whomever Yvette transferred me to.

10. Whoever/Whomever she is, this artist is fabulous.

 

Before you compare your answers with mine, check to be sure that half of your answers are whoever and half are whomever. 

TEST ANSWER KEY

1. Whomever

2. Whoever

3. Whomever

4. Whomever

5. whoever

6. Whoever

7. Whomever

8. whoever

9. whomever

10. Whoever

 

Whoever you are, I am wondering: Did you do well?

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

 

Pronoun Tip Sheet--Pass It On!

Pronoun errors shift my attention from the message to the mistake. Instead of listening to speakers' meaty ideas, I am thinking about their incorrect Is and mes.

Are you like me? Are you hearing him where you hoped for he, her where you expected she? Are you reading myself in sentences where me belongs?

Please forward this pronoun tip sheet to people who need help choosing correct pronouns, whether they are your bosses, your coworkers, or your team members. This quick pronoun lesson may help your department sound and feel more correct and confident.  

If you know your pronoun stuff, take the test at the end of the tips.

Tip 1. The pronouns I, she, he, we, they, and who are virtually always the subject of a verb. Note these correct examples:

I write the press releases. (Write is the verb; I is the subject.)

She talked with Gary about his proposal. (Talked is the verb; she is the subject.)

We met our quarterly goals. (Met is the verb; we is the subject.)

Today they have called twice. (Have called is the verb; they is the subject.)

Who took the company car? (Took is the verb; who is the subject.)

 

Tip 2. When the subject is compound (more than one subject), you still need a subject pronoun (I, she, he, we, they, who).

Michael and I write the press releases. (Not "Michael and me" or "Me and Michael.")

Julian and she talked about the proposal. (Not "Julian and her" or "Her and Julian.")

We and the Atlanta region both met our quarterly goals. (Not "us and the Atlanta region" or "the Atlanta region and us.")

Today they and Dr. Morales have called twice. (Not "them and Dr. Morales" or "Dr. Morales and them.")

Nadia and who took the company car? (Not "Nadia and whom.")

 

Tip 3. The pronouns me, her, him, us, them, and whom act as the objects (not the subjects) of verbs and prepositions.

Jeff hired me on February 1. (Me is the object of the verb hired.)

Peter called her at 4 o'clock. (Her is the object of the verb called.)

Annette will interview him. (Him is the object of the verb will interview.)

Please give the cash to them. (Them is the object of the preposition to.)

Come with us to the party. (Us is the object of the preposition with.) 

To whom should I send this email? (Whom is the object of the preposition to.)

 

Tip 4: When the object of the verb or the preposition is compound, you still need an object pronoun (me, her, him, us, them, whom).

Jeff hired Inez and me on February 1. (Not "Inez and I.")

Peter called her and Charles at 4 o'clock. (Not "she and Charles.")

Annette will interview him and Marina. (Not "he and Marina.") 

Please split the cash between him and them. (Not "he and them" or "he and they.")

Come with her and us to the party. (Not "she and us.") 

 

Tip 5: Occasionally you will have a sentence with the linking verb is, are, was, will be, or something similar. In those cases, you need a subject pronoun (I, he, she, we, they, who) after the verb. That pronoun is called the "subject complement."

The people who completed the survey are Ben, Sultana, and I. (Not "Ben, Sultana, and me." Compare "Ben, Sultana, and I completed the survey.")

It was she who approved the increase. (Not "It was her." Compare "She approved the increase.")

 

Tip 6: You can't use a -self pronoun (myself, yourself, himself, herself, themselves, ourselves) unless it refers to another noun or pronoun earlier in the sentence.

I washed the car myself. (Myself refers to the pronoun I.)

Joseph insisted on telling me the news himself. (Himself refers to the name Joseph.)

We treated ourselves to ice cream. (Ourselves refers to the pronoun we.)

Help yourselves. (Yourselves refers to the understood pronoun you, as in "You help yourselves.")

These examples are wrong:

Give the information to Haris or myself. (It should be "Haris or me" as in "give it to me.")

Roger, Lloyd, and myself finished the drawings. (It should be "Roger, Lloyd, and I finished.")

Kit, Jack, and ourselves will bus the dishes. (It should be "Kit, Jack, and we" because "we will bus the dishes.")  

Tip 7: Who and whoever are subject pronouns, that is, subjects of verbs. Whom and whomever are object pronouns, that is, objects of verbs and prepositions.

Who left this laptop here? (Compare "He left this laptop here.")

Whoever arrives first should light the candles. (Compare "He arrives first.")

To whom is the package addressed? (Compare "It is addressed to him.")

Give this job to whomever you choose. (Imagine "You choose whomever" or "You choose him.")  

The trick about whom is that it is rarely used correctly in spoken English in the United States. People say things like the examples below, which are incorrect but commonly used and accepted.

Grammatically incorrect but commonly used:

Who did you invite to dinner? (Compare "You did invite him." Whom is correct as the object of the verb did invite.)

Who are you going to vote for? (Compare "You will vote for him." Whom is correct as the object of the preposition for.)  

Whoever and whomever are also tricky because it's challenging to tell whether the sentence needs a subject or an object pronoun. These examples are correct:

Give a receipt to whoever brings the delivery. (Whoever is the subject of brings; the entire clause is the object of the preposition to.)

I am okay with whomever you choose. (Whomever is the object of the verb choose.)

 

ARE YOU READY FOR A TEST?

Choose the correct pronoun in these 10 items.

1. Can you drive Priya and I/me/myself to the airport?

2. He/Him/Himself and Katherine processed all the claims.

3. It was her/herself/she who called you.

4. Who/Whom is going to welcome the guests from Finland?

5. Michal gave the assignment to Dale and I/me/myself.

6. You are authorized to hire whoever/whomever is fit for the job.

7. Estela and I/me/myself can't take all the credit.

8. Me and my mother/My mother and myself/My mother and I often go shopping on Fridays.

9. The Johnsons and we/us/ourselves rented the cabin together.

10. Whoever/Whomever is responsible for this excellent dinner deserves a bonus!

 

TEST ANSWER KEY 

Did you have these correct answers?

1. me (Can you drive me to the airport?)

2. He (He processed all the claims.)

3. she (She called you.)

4. Who (Who is going.)

5. me (Michal gave it to me.)

The Case of Two Investment Firms

As the executor of my father's estate, I have been dealing with the two investment firms at which he had accounts. The companies' names are household words, but let's call them Firm A and Firm B. I will tell you about their written and spoken communication with me. I invite you to decide how well they are doing. 

Firm A. When I called Firm A to let them know my father had died, the individual I spoke with expressed her condolences. She told me I would have to fill out a few forms and said she would email them to me. In just a couple of minutes, her email arrived in my inbox. Below are parts of her message. I have changed the identifying information, but all punctuation (or lack of it) is hers.

Subject: ppwrk

Lynn..    

Sorry to hear of the passing of your dad… attached is the paperwork we will need to title the trust with you as successor trustee

U are the fiduciary we will need ur social and your date of birth sign at the bottom of the page

The CRA for individual is for your new account, brian will be in touch to set up an appointment with the next steps

Profile Information for your new account

Any questions please call.

Thanks

Martha Smith
Senior Customer Associate

A minute later I got a second email from "Martha." Her subject line, which was the entire message, read:

we will also need a copy of the death cert

When I wrote to thank Martha for the forms and her promptness, she responded:

Ur welcome. Any questions at all just give me a call

Four of the five forms that Firm A sent me were PDFs that needed to be printed and completed by hand.

With everything going on in my life, I did not fill out the forms promptly. Six weeks later Firm A called me to see if I needed help. I will call them back tomorrow. Their offices close at 5 p.m. Eastern Time. I am on Pacific Time.

 

Firm B. When I called Firm B to let them know my father had died, I was asked several questions to determine that I was who I said I was. Once the person I spoke with was satisfied with my answers, I was transferred to another individual, "Katie."

Katie expressed her condolences and said she would be my individual representative throughout the "transition." She put me on hold while she searched for my father's death certificate online; when she came back, she said it was available in public records, so I did not need to send it to her. Katie said she would email forms to me to complete. She stayed on the phone while she emailed me, and she asked me to open the email and see if I had any questions before we hung up.

Katie's email was completely automated. The subject line was "The Firm B Information You Requested." The body of the message said:

Dear Lynn Gaertner-Johnston,

Thank you for your recent inquiry. Select the link(s) below to access the information you requested.

The three links led me to three online forms that I could fill out at my computer and print. Katie briefly told me about each one. The forms seemed straightforward, so I ended the phone call. I did have a couple of questions later that day, so I phoned Katie. She called me back within 15 minutes and answered them.

A few days later, I received a handwritten note by U.S. mail from Katie:

Dear Lynn Gaertner-Johnston,

I would like to extend my condolences to you and your family at this time of sorrow.

Sincerely,

Katie Brown
Firm B Transition Team

I had some delays getting the information Firm B needed, so I did not send in the paperwork right away. Within a week, Katie phoned me to ask if she could do anything to help. She is available until 8 p.m. Eastern Time.

What's your impression? You are now up to date in "The Case of Two Investment Firms." How well do you think Firm A and Firm B are communicating? How would you feel if you were in my shoes?

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

A Fine Example of Meeting Readers' Needs

I am away on a writing retreat on Bainbridge Island, Washington, and I took myself to Doc's Marina Grill for dinner tonight. The menu included something I have never seen on a menu before, yet it makes perfect sense for this restaurant.

Can you imagine what it was?

Hint: Doc's is just a few blocks from the passenger ferry terminal.

Have you guessed it?

Directly below the list of soft drinks, the schedule for the Bainbridge Island-to-Seattle ferry appears. 

What do you think is the most common question asked at Doc's? Yep, and they have answered it right on the menu.

That's giving reader-customers what they need, while making the servers' lives easier.

Does this example make you think of anything you could put in writing to improve communication and efficiency? 

Lynn
Syntax Training

Is Your Writing Inside Out?

Often business writers communicate from their company perspective, looking at things from the inside out rather than the outside in. But if you write to people outside your organization, you need to reverse your perspective. 

For instance, in a recent Better Business Writing class, we reviewed the work of an attendee who writes for a retirement community. She was announcing an open house to potential residents, and she asked readers to reply to the Marketing Department.

Do the potential new residents want to think of themselves as being marketed to? Or do they want to be invited and welcomed? If the writer asked them instead to reply to the Welcome Committee or their Host for the Day, she would be communicating from their point of view.

Authors, speakers, and teachers often communicate about their offerings from the inside out. They say or write things like "I will teach you the secrets of . . . ." But their students are not asking "What will you teach?" Instead they want to know "What will I learn?" Reversing the perspective means engaging the audience with "You will learn the secrets of . . . ." It requires more you, less I and me.

Reversing perspective even applies to naming files and deciding on the subject line for emails. Let's say you have just completed a proposal for ABC Company, and you work for XYZ Inc. The electronic file you send to ABC should include your name, not theirs. (They know their company name.) For example, your reader is looking for an "Audit Proposal From XYZ"--not an "Audit Proposal for ABC." Another approach is to incorporate both perspectives by using both names: "XYX Audit Proposal for ABC."

Do you turn your language outside in to appeal to readers? Do you find yourself turned off by writers who focus too much on their own perspective?

Lynn
Syntax Training