Business Writing

Why Should They Read Your Ezine?

I don't open an ezine unless something in the subject or the first line grabs me. Even when I do open it, I don't read it unless I can find the item that grabbed me within a few seconds. If I don't succeed at finding a quick gem, I click Delete. I don't have time to wade through ads, headlines, and photos.

Here are ezines and emails I'm going to delete without opening:

Subject: Shift Your Summer Into Overdrive [from an airline]

Subject: Two Free Articles From Judy [from a writing coach]

Subject: Upcoming May Webcasts [from a professional organization]

I'm going to delete them because the writer's haven't grabbed me. What's in it for ME (WIFFM)? For example:

What does it mean to me to "shift my summer into overdrive"? Delete.

Why should I want "two free articles from Judy"?  Delete.

So what if there are webcasts in May? Delete.

For the past 18 months, I have been crafting the opening of my ezine, Better Writing at Work, to grab my readers. Here are a few subjects and the sentences that follow them:

13 Secrets of Professional Proofreaders
People who make their living as proofreaders cannot afford to make errors. Apply the secrets of professional proofreaders to produce your own error-free documents.

More Tips for Email Efficiency.
Apply 26 new tips to improve your email, brought to you by employees and managers at world-class companies.

Be More Persuasive.
Everyone can write more persuasively. This newsletter tells how.

How to Write to 26,000 People.
If you write to people from varied cultures and countries, this newsletter has 20 suggestions for your messages.

If you are like most writers, you put a lot of energy into writing and inputting your ezine. If you would like your readers to open and read it, put energy into grabbing them too.

Lynn
Syntax Training
Meet me in San Diego at ASTD ICE.

Can This Cover Letter Be Saved? Yes!

A poorly written cover letter dismayed my kind friend Elizabeth when she received it in response to an ad for an office manager. Compassionate person that she is, Elizabeth wanted to help the woman who applied. That's where I got involved.

Here is the applicant's letter, followed by my advice. Her name and other identifying information have been changed.

Hello my name is Mary.

I am interested in the admin job you guys are hiring for. I was in the military for 2 years as a HR specialist, basically a admin clerk. I answered phones, prepared paperwork, created excel spreadsheets, etc. When i was Stationed in Germany i supervised 5 soldiers being that i had the most experience in Admin. I do alot with computers, being that i go to school online, so passing the computer test will be easy. I did alot of volunteer work while in the military, so that was real fun. I dont have any background so checking that is fine. The reason im writing so much is i just got out the military in JAN or 2008, and i just had a baby on March 12th, 2008, so im looking for a full time job in the Admin area, and i thought this would be great. Attache dis my resume and hopfully i will talk to you soon.

Dear Mary (your pseudonym):

You sound enthusiastic about getting a job in the administrative area. Here are specific tips for improving your cover letters and other written pieces so you can be successful.

1. In any business communication, have only one main idea per paragraph. If you follow that approach, your cover letter will be approximately four short paragraphs. 
   Check your public library or a bookstore to find books with sample cover letters. Examples will show you how to break up your content.
2. Limit your sentences to one main idea each. This sentence has four main ideas: (1) The reason im writing so much is i just got out the military in JAN or 2008, and (2) i just had a baby on March 12th, 2008, (3) so im looking for a full time job in the Admin area, and (4) i thought this would be great. With just one idea per sentence, you will be able to write clearly and concisely, and your reader will follow your message easily.
3. Include only the information your reader needs to know. In your cover letter, that means including just the information that will encourage the potential employer to call you for an interview. Leave out information about your new baby, which is not a selling point to an employer. Also leave out your comment about the background check and about volunteering--unless your volunteer work ties to the job description. (If it does, make that link clear.)
4. In a cover letter, give specific examples that will help your reader understand why you are a good candidate for the job. For example, if the job description said the applicant must be able to get along with very diverse groups of people, you would mention that being in the military, especially stationed outside the U.S., helped you learn to work successfully with a wide variety of people in challenging situations.
5. Capitalize all proper nouns (such as Excel) and the pronoun I. Do not capitalize other words such as stationed and administration. Using proper capitalization is a sign of a careful writer--and office manager.
6. Avoid slang and incorrect grammar. For example, avoid "you guys," "real fun," and "alot" (which should be a lot).
7. Use the word an (not a) before a word that begins with a vowel sound: an HR specialist, an admin. clerk. (By the way, spell out administrative and administration. Consider your cover letter a formal communication.)
8. Do not give your name at the beginning. Include it at the end after the close of your letter. Sign above your typed signature, like this:
   Sincerely,
   Mary R. Smith
   Mary R. Smith
9. Engage the reader from the first sentence. For example, try an opening like this: As someone with three years of experience as an office administrator--including managing soldiers--I am pleased to apply for the position of office manager. (Your reader will be intrigued by the soldier connection and will read on.)
10. Use your computer's grammar and spelling checker. Then proofread carefully--at least once silently, once out loud, and at least one more time after an hour or more has passed. You must eliminate errors such as dont for don't and hopfully for hopefully.

Reviewing your letter, I worry that you will not be successful in an administrative position until you strengthen your writing skills. Why not check your local community college for a class? Or read this blog from beginning to end, and try the links to other writing resources. Also, sign up for my newsletter, Better Writing at Work. The current issue is about how to sound professional in writing.

Mary, I wish you success and happiness in your future position and in your role as a parent. I know Elizabeth does too.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Stripping Out Punctuation

Suzanne wrote with a mailing list dilemma. Some people in her company want to strip punctuation from all the mailing addresses. For example, they want to render "Lutron Co., Inc." as "Lutron Co Inc". Suzanne is resisting this change because it doesn't look right to her, yet she has no reference book to back up her view. She commented:

"I'm (just) the IT person, meaning that I write the software that changes every one of the 10,000 records very quickly. I realize that taking punctuation out is easy; putting it back is nearly impossible. I am resisting making a change that someone will regret later. Can you offer some assistance or point me in a direction?"

Suzanne, I'm glad to help. Here are some ideas:

1. If your mailing list uses no punctuation and abbreviates company names (as you mentioned in your full comment), the inside address will also use no punctuation and abbreviate names. That will look wrong. It will create a "one size fits all and fits none" look on your company's business letters.
2. If you take out punctuation, you will be rendering many company names incorrectly, companies that have spent significant time deciding whether they want to include things like commas and periods in their names.
3. All mailings from your company will look like mass mailings. Why? Because individual letters virtually always include standard punctuation.
4. The U.S. Postal Service does not require punctuation stripped out. It acknowledges that addresses with punctuation are readable by its scanners.

You also asked about a list of abbreviations. Here are some I verified in The Gregg Reference Manual:

Company = Co.
Corporation = Corp.
Incorporated = Inc.
Limited = Ltd.
Manufacturing = Mfg.
Manufacturers = Mfrs.

For others, you may wish to consult Gregg or a current dictionary. But keep in mind that you do not need to abbreviate as long as each line of the address is no more than 40 characters.

Suzanne, I admire you for taking on this important fight to preserve a mailing list amassed over 30 years. Good luck!

Lynn
Syntax Training 

Write Concisely? Just Do It!

Before my business writing seminars, I often ask learners what they hope to gain from the workshop. Many of them make comments like these:

• I would like to get my ideas across in a lot fewer words.
• I want my message to be more concise, to communicate my meaning in as few words as possible.
• I would like to communicate succinctly, without any extra words.
• I want to be more concise and to the point, with less redundancy.
• I would like to keep things concise and brief.
• I want to write in a concise manner.
• I want to have more concise communications and not include so much long-windedness.

In other words, many people want to:

• Write concisely.

If you want to write concisely, my advice is to just do it. Use fewer words. Avoid repeating yourself. Feel confident that making your point in five words is legitimate. Ten words are not required or even desirable when five can do the job.

For writing discipline, I often do a word count of a document I just finished. (In Office 2003, click Tools, then Word Count; in Office 2007, the word count appears at the bottom of the screen.) Then I challenge myself to cut the number of words by at least 10 percent. For example, if the piece is 200 words, I try to cut at least 20 words.

I am continually amazed by how easy it is to use fewer words. Here's an example from the list of wordy comments above:

• I would like to get my ideas across in a lot fewer words.
• I would like to get my ideas across in fewer words.
• I would like to get my ideas across more concisely.
• I would like to get my ideas across concisely.
• I would like to communicate concisely.
• I want to write concisely.
• I want to be concise.

In the example above, 13 words were reduced to 5. Here's another:

• Should you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to get in touch with me.
• If you have any questions or concerns, please get in touch with me.
• Please contact me with any questions or concerns.
• Questions or concerns? Please contact me.

Along with conciseness, flow and tone are important. "If you have any questions or concerns, please get in touch with me" is more formal than "Questions or concerns? Please contact me." In each message, it's important to balance conciseness with the feeling you want to communicate.

But if you want to be concise, just do it. Finish a message; then cut it by 10 percent. When that is easy, go for 20 percent. If it makes you feel better, know that I will be doing it too. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

Open Source Resources for Writers

If you are open to open source software, check out "50 Awesome Open Source Resources for Online Writers," a new list created by Christina Laun available on Job Profiles.

The list features open source software for blogging, editing online, mind mapping, backing up your files, turning on your creativity, getting organized, checking your grammar and spelling, and many other writing tasks.

Have fun!

Lynn
Syntax Training

The Secret of Successful Instructions

The secret of successful instructions is to have an inexperienced user try to follow them before they are published. As the user follows each step, the wise writer watches for glitches, places where the instructions confuse or mislead the reader. Then the writer makes repairs and has yet another novice user follow the draft instructions again.

I was a typical, rather novice user for a cookbook, Heavenly Delights, which I had the pleasure of proofreading. The cookbook celebrated the 100th anniversary of Cresskill Congregational Church, in Cresskill, New Jersey. The recipes came mostly from church elders, many of them over 80 years old, some of them already deceased. I had known many of the contributors since my childhood visits to New Jersey.

As I read the cookbook, I came across expressions that perplexed me, things that would slow me down if I were actually following the recipes:

"1 dessert spoon of baking soda"
[Is a dessert spoon the same as a teaspoon?]

"1 can crushed pineapple"
[How big a can?]

"As soon as the cake comes out of the oven, pour the frosting down the middle and smooth it to the edges, but don't scrub."
[Scrub?]

30-40 shrimp
[Fresh? Peeled? Deveined?]

"Melt piece of butter (size, small egg) with 2 squares of unsweetened chocolate. When melted, add 1 scant cup of milk. Continue cooking in double boiler until like chocolate pudding."
[How much butter equals a small egg? Should I have started in a double boiler? Yes, of course. But how thick is chocolate pudding?]

"Melt 8 oz. bar of Hershey's chocolate with 1/3 bar of paraffin over hot water."
[Isn't that melting chocolate with wax?]

Readers of technical instructions have the same kinds of questions:

• Which part do I click--the picture or the words?
• Why does nothing happen when I click Go?
• Right-click or left-click?
• Double-click or single-click?
• What do I do if a box is not applicable but it's a required field?
• Which web page am I on now?
• What will happen if I Go Back?

Get a customer, member, client, user, citizen, retiree, buyer, or flyer to follow a draft of your instructions. If your experience is like that of most writers, you won't believe the places that throw off readers. You will do another draft and test it, then another, and finally your instructions will be ready.

Enjoy the pursuit of clarity!

Lynn
Syntax Training

Because, Because, Because

I've been asked the same question twice within a week, so here I am, happy to clear up a misconception.

Question: Isn't it unacceptable to start a sentence with the word because? I learned it was wrong.

Short answer: It is acceptable to start a sentence with any word you want.

Longer answer: Yes, it's perfectly fine to start sentences with because. In fact, it's a good idea when you want to vary sentence structures, create transitions, and write smoothly.

Example:

You have been a valued customer for seven years, and we are very grateful for your business. Because we appreciate our relationship with you, I want to personally explain a change in our delivery policy.

The clause beginning with because ties the idea in the first sentence to the idea in the second sentence. Beyond that, the two longish sentences (one compound, one complex) flow rather than sounding staccato. The because clause improves the flow.

Apparently, the silly rule against because beginning a sentence is an attempt by teachers to discourage young students from writing fragments:

I don't have my homework. Because it blew out of my notebook.

The because question reminds me of a lyric in The Wizard of Oz, which I have written incorrectly as a fragment:

We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz. Because, because, because, because, because--because of the wonderful things he does.

That's exactly the thing teachers are trying to stamp out.

If you have been hesitant to start a sentence with because, forget that misguided rule. It's perfectly okay.

Because of some best-forgotten problems with our web sites, this blog was down for several days. Thanks to Kathy and Christine for checking in on me.

Lynn
Syntax Training 

Careless Company Writing = Failure

Denise wrote to ask for help in her company:

I work for a small company whose president and others on the administrative side don't seem at all interested in correct, effective writing. We're growing rapidly and will soon have a gorgeous new web site, which I imagine will be filled with errors. For example, many people use capitalization for emphasis rather than for proper nouns. It drives me crazy.

Could you please write about how to get others to see the importance of better writing? I've offered to proofread anything that goes out to the public, but no one is jumping to take me up on it.

Denise, you did not identify the company, but here is my advice: Quit while you can. The company will go nowhere without a respect for correct, complete, concise business writing. Polish your resume and your cover letter. You will need them any day.

Here is what will happen if the company maintains its careless attitude toward writing:

1. When bad writing reaches customers and clients, they will lose confidence in your ability and take their money elsewhere.
2. When proposals or sales pieces do not meet expectations, potential customers will say, "If they can't meet our needs in the proposal or sales letter, there's no way they can deliver as a business partner." They will seek out your competitors.
3. When readers (both inside and outside the company) cannot understand your email and other messages, they will respond with repeated questions. You will all waste time and effort answering questions that should not have been necessary. Because of that waste, you will miss your performance targets and financial goals.
4. When your company communications contain errors, you will spend time and money rectifying mistakes and misunderstandings. Some of that time will be spent in court.
5. If the writing doesn't communicate effectively, you won't get the responses you need. Your recommendations, web pages, bids, requests, announcements, procedures, processes, technical requirements, shopping cart instructions, contracts, and other written pieces will fall short.

The company will fail, and everyone will be surprised. They will ask, "How could a company with such innovative ideas, talented employees, access to capital, and a clear niche possibly fail?"

The answer: Nobody at the top paid enough attention to written communication.

Denise, you asked for help, and I'm not sure I have given it to you. But if you care about good writing and others do not, I'm not sure how you can make them change their minds unless you are in a position to hire, fire, reward, discipline, and set company policy and direction. If you are in that place, get my guide Help Employees Write Better: A Guide for Managers, Trainers, and Others Who Care About Business Writing. You can read excerpts and get more information here.

Would other readers please share ideas with Denise?

Lynn
Meet me in San Diego on June 1-4 for the ASTD International Conference and Expo.

Word Power: Being Partners

I recently taught the Writing Tune-Up for Peak Performance at Recreational Equipment, Inc. (REI), one of my long-standing clients. When attendees sent me the answers to prework questions, I was struck by the words they used to describe their readers:

Vendor partners
IT partners
Industry partners
Grantees and other community partners

The word partners came up repeatedly in the prework answers. Individuals don't write to just vendors--they write to vendor partners. They don't email people in IT. They email their IT partners. They send grants to community partners. They share data with industry partners.

The word partner conveys mutual respect, collaboration, communication, common interests, and interdependence. To have partners, you must be a partner.

REI has been on Fortune magazine's list of the 100 best companies to work for every year since Fortune began the list in 1998. This year it celebrated 70 years in business. Last month it announced 2007 sales of $1.3 billion, up 13.5 percent from 2006.

Based on the company's success, my guess is that REI employees not only use the word partner--they live it.

As someone who believes in the power of language, I recommend following REI's example. Why not try adding the word partner to the key relationships in your business? Then see whether it changes your attitude and your behavior toward any groups or individuals:

employee partners
customer partners
client partners
executive partners
legislative partners
citizen partners
student partners
sales partners
consultant partners
designer partners

Maybe if we use the word partners, with all its positive feelings of support and connection, we will become true partners. And through being partners, perhaps we will experience longevity and success like REI's.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Specific = Fresh

In the business writing classes I lead, attendees often talk about wanting to use fresh language. They are looking for new, fresh words to communicate their ideas.

Freshness is an apt goal. We can't engage readers with stale writing. But we don't have to use fresh words. Many of the old words we use every day can create vivid images that draw in readers. The secret is that we do this:

Be specific.

For example, at the beginning of classes, I often ask attendees to tell us something they enjoy in life. Most people mention things like this: my children, hiking, spending time outside, reading, travel. To get more of a sense of them, I might ask the reader "What do you like to read?" and the traveler "Where did you go on your last trip?" If I learn that individuals read biographies or last traveled to New Zealand, I become more engaged with them than if they like simply reading and travel. Likewise, when I learn their children are ages 2 months and 3 years, I know something I could not get from the general "I enjoy my children."

Last week when I asked what people enjoy in life, a woman said she enjoyed occasionally getting a good night's sleep and going out wearing clothes that don't have baby spit-up on them.

Bingo! Those words told me she has an infant, and her life is upside-down from what it was before the baby's birth. She remembers the good old days of being able to sleep through the night and going out dressed immaculately. At least that is what I believe after hearing her brief introduction.

There's nothing fresh about the words she used, except maybe "baby spit-up." But she shared something specific that painted a picture. She got my attention and my empathy. The stranger became familiar.

When you are trying to engage readers, think specific. Instead of describing the retreat as "rewarding," mention a specific reward. Rather than writing that the new system is "efficient," mention something users can do easily with the system that they couldn't do before. Don't say you are good at thinking on your feet--give an example that illustrates that trait.

I am a fan of fresh language. But to me, a specific image offers as much freshness as two words combined in a surprising way.

Don't just tell me something. Tell me something specific. To me, it will be fresh.

Lynn
Syntax Training