Are You Envious--or Jealous?

Envious? Jealous? Do you use these words interchangeably? Or do you make a distinction between them? Test your understanding by filling in these blanks: 

1. I am _______________ of my neighbors' gorgeous backyard. 
2. Rob feels _______________ when he sees Carlos talking to their new supervisor so often, especially when both of them are laughing. 
3. Natalie feels _______________ when she sees her friends' upbeat Facebook posts. 
4. Some older workers are _______________ of retirees who appear to have a comfortable, carefree retirement. 
5. David is _______________ that his parents seem to prefer his wife's company to his. 
6. Our toddler is very _______________ of the new baby. 

 

Thinking about the woman standing in this photo, which word might apply? Envy or jealousy? 

 

 

Careful careful writers distinguish between the words jealous and envious, jealousy and envy. The Chicago Manual of Style describes the differences this way:

Jealousy connotes feelings of resentment toward another, particularly in matters relating to an intimate relationship (sexual jealousy). Envy refers to coveting another's advantages, possessions, or abilities [example]: his transparent envy of others' successes. 

 

According to Garner's Modern English Usage:

Jealousy is properly restricted to contexts involving emotional rivalry, especially regarding the sex instinct; envy is used more broadly of resentful contemplation of a more fortunate person. 

 

Given those definitions, will you change your mind about any of the fill-ins above?

 

 

 

 

 

Here are my responses:

1. I am envious of my neighbors' gorgeous backyard. 
2. Rob feels jealous when he sees Carlos talking to their new supervisor so often, especially when both of them are laughing. 
3. Natalie feels envious when she sees her friends' upbeat Facebook posts. 
4. Some older workers are envious of retirees who appear to have a comfortable, carefree retirement. 
5. David is jealous that his parents seem to prefer his wife's company to his. 
6. Our toddler is very jealous of the new baby. 

Although Items 2, 5, and 6 do not involve sexual relationships, they all involve relationships or possible rivalries. That's why I chose jealous. Do you agree? 

The word you choose for the photograph above depends on what you read into it. The woman with one rose may be envious that the seated woman received a bouquet. Or she may be jealous that the seated woman received flowers from that man. Or she may simply be thinking about where she might find a bud vase in the office. 

Your dictionary may offer envious as a synonym for jealous, but it's a good idea to use the words in distinct ways, especially if you are writing for a sophisticated audience. 

I wrote this blog post because I needed to use the correct word in a post last month, and I had to check my style guides to be certain. Which word do you think I ended up using, envious or jealous?

If you have a sophisticated contact management system that helps you track your communications, I'm ___________. 

You might like a copy of my booklet 60 Quick Word Fixes. It can help you choose the correct word in 60 confusing word pairs.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Are You Envious--or Jealous?

Envious? Jealous? Do you use these words interchangeably? Or do you make a distinction between them? Test your understanding by filling in these blanks: 

1. I am _______________ of my neighbors' gorgeous backyard. 
2. Rob feels _______________ when he sees Carlos talking to their new supervisor so often, especially when both of them are laughing. 
3. Natalie feels _______________ when she sees her friends' upbeat Facebook posts. 
4. Some older workers are _______________ of retirees who appear to have a comfortable, carefree retirement. 
5. David is _______________ that his parents seem to prefer his wife's company to his. 
6. Our toddler is very _______________ of the new baby. 

 

Thinking about the woman standing in this photo, which word might apply? Envy or jealousy? 

 

 

Careful careful writers distinguish between the words jealous and envious, jealousy and envy. The Chicago Manual of Style describes the differences this way:

Jealousy connotes feelings of resentment toward another, particularly in matters relating to an intimate relationship (sexual jealousy). Envy refers to coveting another's advantages, possessions, or abilities [example]: his transparent envy of others' successes. 

 

According to Garner's Modern English Usage:

Jealousy is properly restricted to contexts involving emotional rivalry, especially regarding the sex instinct; envy is used more broadly of resentful contemplation of a more fortunate person. 

 

Given those definitions, will you change your mind about any of the fill-ins above?

 

 

 

 

 

Here are my responses:

1. I am envious of my neighbors' gorgeous backyard. 
2. Rob feels jealous when he sees Carlos talking to their new supervisor so often, especially when both of them are laughing. 
3. Natalie feels envious when she sees her friends' upbeat Facebook posts. 
4. Some older workers are envious of retirees who appear to have a comfortable, carefree retirement. 
5. David is jealous that his parents seem to prefer his wife's company to his. 
6. Our toddler is very jealous of the new baby. 

Although Items 2, 5, and 6 do not involve sexual relationships, they all involve relationships or possible rivalries. That's why I chose jealous. Do you agree? 

The word you choose for the photograph above depends on what you read into it. The woman with one rose may be envious that the seated woman received a bouquet. Or she may be jealous that the seated woman received flowers from that man. Or she may simply be thinking about where she might find a bud vase in the office. 

Your dictionary may offer envious as a synonym for jealous, but it's a good idea to use the words in distinct ways, especially if you are writing for a sophisticated audience. 

I wrote this blog post because I needed to use the correct word in a post last month, and I had to check my style guides to be certain. Which word do you think I ended up using, envious or jealous?

If you have a sophisticated contact management system that helps you track your communications, I'm ___________. 

You might like a copy of my booklet 60 Quick Word Fixes. It can help you choose the correct word in 60 confusing word pairs.

Lynn
Syntax Training

An Unimpressive Message From My Dentist

I want the best in dentistry--not business writing--from my dentist. But I'm still disappointed when I receive a pointless, error-filled email like the one below. In it, I have changed the name of the dental practice to "Your Favorite Dentist." Otherwise, it's identical to the email I received. What do you think of it?

 

Subject: Your Favorite Dentist -- Updated Hours 

Starting Monday, November 5th, we'll be making some minor changes to our hours. If this effects your upcoming appointment, we'll give you a call.

Thanks for being a patient at Your Favorite Dentist, we look forward to seeing you soon!

 

What's wrong with the email? Read it again if you haven't found problems yet. Then consider my comments below. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First, the message disappoints me. The subject promises Updated Hours, but there is no information about them. 

Second, I don't have an upcoming appointment. Why did I receive this message? Why not send a clearer message to patients who do have appointments? Or simply call them, as the email states. If my dentist wants the rest of us to know about the new hours, the solution is to send us a message that includes them. 

Third, four errors may distract readers. See whether you can find them. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. The date should be rendered as Monday, November 5--not Monday, November 5th. Every style manual follows this rule except The New Yorker's. 
2. In the second sentence, the word this is wrong. It doesn't refer to anything in the previous sentence. "These changes" would be correct.
3. In the second sentence, the verb should be affects--not effects. Effects as a verb means "brings about."
4. The last sentence is a run-on, that is, two sentences connected incorrectly. 

 

Beyond those problems, the wording is unclear. "Starting Monday, November 5th, we'll be making some minor changes to our hours" suggests that the changes will be ongoing. This wording is clearer: Starting Monday, November 5, our hours will change slightly. 

 

My dentist's skills in dentistry have earned my confidence and commitment as a patient. Yet I hope the messages I get from the administrative team don't make me grind my teeth. 

 

How did you react to my dentist's email? Did it remind you of any messages you receive? 

Lynn
Syntax Training 

 

 

Personal, Tangible Greetings: Why and When to Send Them

When is the last time you sent a card or note to a business associate? If it's that long, read on for a nudge and some inspiration.

The Case for Tangible Messages
Thousands of unread messages fill my email inbox, and more drop in by the minute. My response: Delete. Delete. Delete. Messages from friends and associates have to compete with L.L. Bean and Claire McCaskill for my attention, and sometimes I overlook them. Facebook messages have the same fate.

In contrast, my husband, Michael, called out to me a moment ago: "Just junk mail." That's what he found in our U.S. mailbox. 

It would have delighted me to receive a personal, tangible greeting today from a friend, relative, or business associate. I would have left this computer and gone to find out which thoughtful person had sent me what.

That delight is the reason to send such greetings. People--even tech-absorbed millennials--enjoy getting personal messages. According to an April 2018 U.S. Postal Survey, 75 percent of responding millennials said that receiving personal mail makes them feel special.

It can also feel good to send personal messages. In a recent New York Times article, "We Could All Use a Little Snail Mail Right Now," author Susan Shain cites a study in which a professor found that his students who wrote "letters of gratitude" experienced "higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction" with each letter.

Back in 2009 I wrote a short blog post, The Power of a Personal Note, and the note's power has only increased with the shrinking number of personal messages. According to Susan Shain, U.S. households receive just 10 pieces of personal mail each year, not counting holiday cards and invitations. 

What makes personal greetings special is not only their rarity, but the obvious effort that goes into them. Rather than just a few quick clicks on a device, they require a card or stationery, an envelope, a pen, a mailing address, and a stamp, along with a handwritten message--or at least a signature--and a trip to a mailbox. 

When to Send Them
Below are some of the many occasions to send handwritten notes and cards to your business associates and others. See whether you can find one to act on this week.

• Birthdays
• Work anniversaries, personal anniversaries (both joyous and sad) 
• Death of a friend, a family member, or a pet
• Congratulations: for school acceptance, graduation (check your calendar in May, August, and December for possible graduations), passing an exam, a new job, a new business, a new client, a promotion, retirement, writing, publishing, making a presentation, winning a prize, becoming a citizen, getting ordained, getting good PR, engagement, marriage, new baby, another baby, new home, second home, etc. 
• Illnesses, operations, convalescences
• Thank-yous: for gifts, opportunities, meals, advice, interviews, job offers, thoughtfulness, helpfulness; for providing a service, buying a product, making your day, teaching a great course, exceeding your expectations, consistently meeting your expectations, being a special pleasure to work with, etc.
• Holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, New Year's Day, etc. 
• Positive updates: on your job search, career change, health issues, etc. 
• Meeting follow-ups: after conferences and networking occasions (these are typically by email, but a tangible card makes a great impression)
• No occasion at all--just because you have been thinking of someone

 

How to Turn When Into Often
If you want to send an occasional handwritten greeting, just do it! But if you'd like to make sending personal, tangible messages an enjoyable habit, gather supplies and use a toolbox to hold them. I began with an accordion-file folder of cards separated by labeled dividers, but many years ago a decorative wooden box, a gift from my husband, replaced it. The box includes a pen, postage stamps, and cards for many occasions. 

 

When I need a printed thank-you, birthday, get-well, congratulations, or sympathy card, I just walk over to my toolbox. I also have many blank cards, that is, cards without a greeting that I can use whenever I want to remember someone with a short note. Some are art cards from galleries; others are my own photo cards of flowers, landscapes, etc. A luxurious, plain notecard can be right for professional messages too.

You don't need a fancy wooden box, of course. An accordion-file folder in your filing cabinet, or a cardboard or plastic storage box that fits on your bookshelf can work fine. Just fill it with stamps and cards as you find them. 

Contact Information--In a given situation, all you need is the address of the person you want to reach. But having a complete contact list makes the habit of sending cards and greetings easier.

If you have a sophisticated contact management system that helps you track your communications, I'm envious. I have a Word document that includes all my clients' physical mailing addresses (and other documents for other groups of people). Typically at the end of each year, I update the document before sending out new year's cards. 

 

Calendar System--When you remember their birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions, people will be touched by your thoughtfulness. But it's challenging to actually remember such occasions, especially as your list of contacts grows. That's why you need a system that "remembers" them. 

Add special occasions to an electronic or a paper calendar. Microsoft Outlook makes annual reminders easy: You just set the recurrence of an event as annual, and it appears each year on your calendar. The appointment reminder on my Android phone does the same, but it requires more of an effort to get it to remind me a few days in advance. And your appointments may not transfer when you get a new phone. 

To use a paper calendar, you normally need to sit down around each New Year's Day, and add special occasions to your new annual calendar. I had a friend who used to have a party for that purpose--everyone brought a calendar and celebrated the new year while updating calendars together. Very social and retro. 

 

Last week I sent a long thank-you letter and card to an old friend who is ill. I told him how much I appreciated him and what a difference he had made in my personal and professional life. I feel great having let him know how much he means to me. 

The personal, tangible message--how do you feel about it? If you have tips and observations, please share them. 

My book Business Writing With Heart shares detailed advice and examples of thank-yous, sympathy messages, holiday greetings, and more.

Lynn
Syntax Training

Can Your Writing Pass This Test? Take It to Find Out.

It's easy to fall into bad writing habits at work. Sometimes it's because we are racing. Sometimes it's because we have read enough swollen sentences, obscure acronyms, and endless messages to lower our standards. And sometimes we write on autopilot.  

Let's find out if your writing passes a test. Before you begin, choose a recent email, report, announcement, letter, or another document you have written. A good example is one that runs from one to two screens or up to two pages. That piece of writing will be your test document. 

Rate yourself on these test questions.
Answer each question below for the piece of writing you have chosen. Add (or subtract) points for each item. 

1. Will the reader know what the communication is about from the subject line or title?  
Scoring--Give yourself:  
10 points for a clear, specific, up-to-date subject line or title
  5 points for a somewhat specific up-to-date subject line or title
  0 for no subject or title, or a vague or out-of-date one

 

2. Does the writing get to the point quickly? 
Scoring--Give yourself:
10 points for getting to the point in the title or first two sentences
  5 points for getting to the point in the first paragraph
  2 points for getting to the point somewhere in the communication
  0 for never getting to the point
  

3. Does the piece of writing focus on just one purpose? Multipurpose writing distracts readers and reduces results. Bad example: giving feedback, making a request, and providing an update in one communication.
Scoring--Give yourself:
10 points if the writing focuses on one purpose
  2 points if it focuses on two purposes 
  0 if the writing has more than two purposes 

 

4. Does the message ask the reader for action clearly with words such as "Please respond by October 20"?
Scoring--Give yourself:
10 points for asking for action clearly and providing a deadline
  7 points for asking for action clearly without a deadline 
  5 points for implying the need for action, with or without a deadline
  0 for not asking for action even though action is desirable

Scoring note: If you did not ask for action but you believe no action is required, score 6 points. A reader action is usually appropriate, for example, "Please review," "Please let me know," or "I look forward to hearing from you." 

 

5. Did you include your full name and contact information (or someone else's name and information if appropriate)?  
Scoring--Give yourself:
10 points for including a full name and a contact method such as a phone number
  5 points for including just a first name and a contact method
  2 points for including just a first name or a contact method
  0 for including neither a name nor a contact method

Scoring note: If the scoring seems unfair, adjust it to suit your situation. However, know that email and other communications should include contact information even if the primary reader knows you well. The piece may be forwarded to others who need the information to follow up with you.

 

6. Does the message include short- and medium-length, uncomplicated sentences?
Scoring--Give yourself:
10 points if no sentence is longer than 30 words
  8 points if no sentence is longer than 35 words  
  5 points if only one sentence is longer than 35 words
  0 if more than one sentence is longer than 35 words

To determine sentence length in MS Word, highlight any sentence that looks long. Its number of words will appear in the lower left of your screen. In Outlook, highlight the sentence; then click Review and Word Count. 

 

7. Does each sentence have only one idea? These two sentences each have more than one idea:
"Thanks for your help, [new idea:] and I'll see you in Chicago at the premiere."
"The navigation panel on the left side of the screen is the same for all contractors [new idea:] and helps them navigate through the site to find what they need quickly." 
Scoring--Give yourself:
10 points if every sentence has only one idea
  7 points if only one sentence has more than one idea 
  5 points if only two sentences have more than one idea
  0 if three or more sentences have more than one idea
 

8. Does the piece include positive language, even if the message is neutral or negative? Examples of words and phrases that are generally positive: pleased, happy, benefit, value, opportunity, savings, increase, efficiency, enjoy, appreciate, look forward to.
Scoring--Give yourself:
10 points for three or more positive words or phrases
  7 points for two positive words or phrases
  5 points for one positive word or phrase
  0 for no positive words and phrases
 
Scoring note: If your writing sample is a procedure that includes no positive language, give yourself 5 points. Even procedures can include positive language in their title or purpose.
 

9. Is the message formatted in short chunks of text? Good formatting has short chunks of text with white space between them.
Scoring--Give yourself:
10 points for a document with no paragraph longer than seven lines
  8 points for only one paragraph longer than seven lines
  3 points for only two paragraphs longer than seven lines 
  0 for more than two paragraphs longer than seven lines 
 
Scoring note: Give yourself 2 points extra if your message has headings or bullet points; make that 3 points if it has both. Subtract 5 points for each paragraph longer than ten lines.

 

10. Is the message free of abbreviations, acronyms, and terms its readers may not recognize?  Don't assume--read through your writing to be certain. If appropriate, imagine that your reader is a new employee or customer.
Scoring--Give yourself:
10 points for no abbreviations or terms readers may not know 
  5 points for only one abbreviation or term readers may not know
  0 for more than one item readers may not know

 

Total your points for all the items. Use this rating scale:
90-103 points -- Your writing sample appears to be outstanding! Consider leading courses in business writing. 

70-89 points -- You passed! Your sample needs just a few changes to be excellent.

50-69 points -- Your sample suggests that a thorough tune-up could help you write better. 

0-49 points -- So glad you're here! Working on your writing will be a terrific investment in your success.

 

To improve your business writing, enroll in the free trial of my online self-study course Business Writing Tune-Up. You can test-drive the course to find out how it meets your needs. 

Do you disagree with any items on the test? What would you change or add?  

If you took the test, how did you do?  

Lynn
Syntax Training

Apostrophe Doubts? Review and Test Yourself.

A dear friend just told me about an embarrassing apostrophe situation she experienced at work. She had just put up a sign with the heading October Birthday's, which listed employee and member birthdays, when someone stopped and stared grimly at it. 

The individual said, "I'm a grammar guy, and this sign drives me nuts." He went on to explain that the apostrophe in birthdays was wrong.

My friend was checking with me to be certain about the grammar guy's correctness. Is the apostrophe wrong in October Birthday's? 

Are you confident of your answer? 

It's a good idea to periodically review punctuation and grammar rules to be sure you remember them correctly. My friend defended her apostrophe in birthdays because the birthdays belong to people. She thought belonging required an apostrophe. 

But she remembered the rule wrong. The apostrophe is inserted into the word that does the belonging; that is, the apostrophe appears in the name of the person or thing that possesses. The grammar guy was right.

Correct examples:

• Sami's birthday is in October. (The birthday of Sami is Sami's birthday.) 
• Two members' birthdays were last week. (The birthdays of two members are two members' birthdays.) 
• Two members celebrated birthdays last week. (No apostrophe because the word members is not followed by the thing they possess, birthdays.) 
• The man questioned the sign's correctness. (The correctness of the sign is the sign's correctness.) 
• We always celebrate member birthdays. (Here member is used as a simple adjective, so there is no apostrophe and no s.)
• We always celebrate members' birthdays. (Again, the birthdays of members are members' birthdays.)

 

Test yourself on the five sentences below. Which ones need to be corrected?

1. That teams cheerleaders have new uniforms. 
2. The neighbors complained about the loud noise. 
3. The comments from shareholders' have been positive. 
4. All the family members' memorabilia were gathered into a slide show. 
5. (Test yourself on the sign below.) 

 

How many of the five sentences need corrections? And how would you correct them? 

 

 

 

I would correct three of them. See my changes below. 

 

 

 

1. That team's cheerleaders have new uniforms. (The cheerleaders of the team are the team's cheerleaders.)

3. The comments from shareholders have been positive. (No apostrophe belongs in that sentence, but "shareholders' comments" would be correct.)

5. The sign should read "Notecards for the Pastor" or "Notecards for the Pastors." However, "Notecards for the Pastor's Use" (or "Notecards for the Pastors' Use" for more than one pastor) would be correct. 

 

Got questions? Here are a few other blog posts on this essential topic:

Apostrophe Help Please! Review the rules of apostrophe use. 

Whistler's Apostrophe Challenge Test yourself on 15 signs in Whistler, British Columbia. 

Do Not Use Apostrophes to Make Plurals Learn when it is acceptable to use apostrophes to form plurals.

Seattle Seahawks Apostrophe Test Take an apostrophe test for football fans.   

Clinton's and Sanders's Apostrophes Find out whether to add just an apostrophe or an apostrophe and an s.

Its? It's? Or Its'? You can guess what this one is about. 

 

If you want to gain confidence in your skills and knowledge of punctuation, take my online self-study course Punctuation for Professionals. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

Nauseous vs. Nauseated--Which Is She?

My dear friend just had major surgery in another city. Texting me to let me know how she is, her husband wrote, "She's nauseous a lot." 

But is she nauseous or nauseated? What do you think? 

Word sticklers distinguish between nauseous and nauseated. Because my friend was an English major in college and is now well known in the publishing world, I will tell you that she would describe herself as nauseated--not nauseous. 

Although many people use the words interchangeably, traditionalists see distinctions:

Nauseous is an adjective. It means "causing nausea" or "sickening."

Examples:

A nauseous gas is escaping from the pipe.  

I could not bear the nauseous description of the torture. 

My friend is not sickening or causing anyone nausea; therefore, according to language purists, she is not nauseous. 

 

Nauseated is an adjective and a verb (nauseate, nauseated, etc.). It means "to feel or cause to feel nausea" and "to feel or cause to feel loathing or disgust." 

Examples:

She is nauseated because of the medication. (This is my friend's condition. She is feeling nausea.)

His nauseating rant went on for 20 minutes. 

The constant curves on the mountain highway nauseate Victoria. 

 

Here's what The Chicago Manual of Style says about nauseous and nauseated:

Whatever is nauseous, traditionally speaking, induces a feeling of nausea--it makes us feel sick to our stomachs. To feel sick is to be nauseated. Although the use of nauseous to mean nauseated may be too common to be called an error anymore, strictly speaking it is poor usage. Because of the ambiguity in nauseous, the wisest course may be to stick to the participial adjectives nauseated [for my friend] and nauseating [for my friend's medication]. 

Garner's Modern English Usage puts it this way:

Nauseous (inducing nausea) for nauseated (experiencing nausea) is becoming so common that to call it an error is to exaggerate. Even so, careful writers tend to be sickened [nauseated?] by the slippage and to follow the traditional distinction in formal writing. That is, what is nauseous makes one feel nauseated.

 

Test yourself. In the sentences below, take the traditional approach when you fill in the blanks. 

1. Kelly gets ____________ when she rides in the car for more than a few minutes. 
2. The rampant sexual harassment in Hollywood still ______________ me.
3. I am sorry that my friend is feeling _____________ since her surgery. 
4. The drugs, although good for him, make him feel _______________. 
5. The bad air ______________ Carroll, but it does not affect Imogen. 
6. This  _______________ behavior must stop. 

Decide on your choices before looking at mine below. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. Kelly gets nauseated--not nauseous. 
2. The behavior nauseates me. 
3. My friend is feeling nauseated--not nauseous.
4. The drugs make him feel nauseated--not nauseous.
5. The bad air nauseates Carroll. 
6. This nauseous or nauseating behavior must stop. 

 

Check the title of this blog post to confirm your understanding. Is my friend nauseous or nauseated? 

 

Do you have any word pairs that confuse you or others? Please share them. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

How Do You Feel About Sloppy Supplier Messages?

A reader named Deborah shared a short email she recently received:

Dear Sirs,
pls let me have by return the supp docs about yr a.m. invoice because we cannot find our shpm.
Thks and rgds

How would you feel if you received this message? Would you care that it's riddled with errors? 

Let's count them:

1. Dear Sirs: Deborah is not a Sir, and neither is half the world. 
2. The sentence doesn't start with a capital letter. 
3. "Let me have by return" isn't wrong, but it's too concise. Return what? 
4. The abbreviations pls, supp, docs, yr, shpm, Thks, and rgds are lazy, and they're not all clear. Does supp mean "supporting," "supplementary," or "supply"? Shpm is probably "shipment," but I don't feel confident of it. I'd like to assume that a.m. means "morning," but with this writer, I'm not so sure. 
5. Thks and rgds is not the way to communicate courtesy and professionalism, and a complimentary close needs a comma after it. (Many Europeans use open punctuation--that is, no marks after the greeting or the close--but this writer used a comma after the greeting and therefore needs one after the close.) 
6. If this is an email, as Deborah said it was, it needs blank lines between the greeting, body of the message, and close. 

I normally don't have to deal with people who write this way. If you do, I'm wondering how you feel about it. Do you brush the errors off as standard for a quick communication? Do you doubt the writer's ability to handle your orders and think about looking for another supplier? 

When people I don't know write to me seeking a business relationship, I always judge them by their emails. If the greeting is "Dear lynng," I know it's a lazy mass mailing. If it has obvious spelling errors, I know their standards do not mesh with mine. Sometimes I respond to let them know I'm not interested; at others, I ignore the email, which doesn't seem worth my time. 

How about you? How do you handle such messages? 

Deborah, thank you for sharing the email.

P.S. A couple of days after this post, Deborah wrote to tell me that the writer was not a supplier, but a customer. You can read her helpful comment in the Comments section.

Lynn
Syntax Training  

Proofreading Checklist to Avoid "Oops!" Messages

I just received an "Oops!" email from our beloved, prestigious public television station. When I read the subject line, "Oops! Correction for Rick Steves Preview Screening and Q+A!" I instantly knew what the oops must be: a date error. 

Indeed, the email opened "Apologies, there was a date typo in our last email! The Rick Steves event will be taking place on TUESDAY, OCTOBER 16."

The previous email had contained the wrong day of the week. 

Day/date errors like this one are the reason for many oops messages. But other avoidable errors regularly get in the way of effective emails: names spelled wrong, unattached attachments, and dead or vague links, to name a few. (A link is vague when it links to a home page rather than to the specific web page the reader needs.)

Below is my email proofreading checklist. Use it as a tool whenever your email contains details that must be correct. 

EMAIL PROOFREADING CHECKLIST

Check to ensure:

	1. The subject line is precise and up to date.
	2. Email addresses of recipients, including any Cc recipients, are correct.
	3. Names of the recipients and of other persons and entities are correct and consistent throughout.
	4. Pronouns (him, his, her, hers, their, theirs) match their associated names. [Errors creep in when you reuse emails for new recipients.]
	5. Dates and day-date combinations are accurate.
	6. Numbers (cases, phone num­bers, addresses, dol­lar amounts, etc.) are correct.
	7. Attachments are cited cor­rectly in the message, and current versions are attached.
	8. References to documents, page numbers, articles, etc., are cor­rect.
	9. Links are live and correct.
	10. The message makes sense and is complete.
	11. No typos or errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation exist.

If you'd like systematic practice using this checklist, as well as a document checklist for other kinds of content, take my self-study course Proofread Like a Pro. The free trial gives you a taste of the course content and its value. 

What kinds of oops errors do you encounter? Another oops message I sometimes receive is "Oops--sorry I didn't read your message carefully. Never mind." I guess a Number 12 in the checklist above might be "If replying, I've read the original email first."

I welcome your comments. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

Should You "Dumb It Down"?

Yesterday while coaching a scientist on her writing, I suggested that she consider simplifying this wording: “The results of this trial may elucidate the most efficacious intervention strategies . . .”

Can you guess which words I thought were overly complex?

“Intervention strategies” is well-understood, common language in her scientific field, so I did not object to that phrase.

The words elucidate and efficacious have simpler substitutes: for elucidate, there are reveal, illuminate, explain, and clarify. For efficacious, there are effective, efficient, valuable, and other words, depending on the scientist’s meaning. Nevertheless, it’s possible that her audience would appreciate efficacious if it’s meaningful scientific jargon. That's why I asked her to consider simplifying--not just to make changes without thinking.

Is changing elucidate to reveal, and efficacious to effective “dumbing down” a piece of writing?

I say no. It's not dumbing down your writing. It's using smart communication techniques. 

Rather than “dumbing down,” I view those changes as efforts to communicate clearly with the widest range of people. And unless you are writing for a specific group of experts, you should write for a wide range of people, whether they are customers, employees, citizens, subscribers, students, parents, patients, or users.

To communicate clearly with the widest range of readers, follow the six recommendations below.

1. Use simple words.
State that your program will begin rather than commence. Include drawings rather than depictions. Stop utilizing; simply use.

2. Avoid unfamiliar though trendy words such as nascent and paradigm.
Instead, use a synonym that everyone recognizes. Synonyms for nascent, for example, are promising, hopeful, budding, emerging, and growing. Synonyms for paradigm are model, pattern, and framework. Pick the word that most clearly fits your meaning.

3. Use standard words rather than creative substitutes, especially in technical documents.
I once bought an external hard drive for my computer. Trying to follow the instructions, I came across the word forget where I expected to find delete. And instead of file, the instructions used snapshot. Rather than source, which I understand completely, the instructions referred to a volume. Each of these choices slowed me down and created doubts that I was using the drive correctly. If the word choices were an attempt to simplify, the attempt was not successful.

4. Avoid using newly minted words until their meaning is clear.
In a news article about landslides in California, an individual used the word mansionize. In the context, I believe she meant “to change the character of a neighborhood by building mansions in it.” But she may have meant “to renovate a home into a mansion.” Although mansionize may seem clear, it isn’t.

For the sake of clarity, use familiar expressions, even when using them means using more words.

5. Avoid "shoulding on" your readers.
When I ask writers whether their readers will understand their words, technical terms, or acronyms, sometimes the response is “Well, they should.” But whether they should or not is irrelevant. The question is “Will they?” Perhaps your readers should know you mean “Fault Tree Analysis,” but to them “FTA” may mean “Free Trade Agreement.” Spell out terms rather than creating work (or confusion) for readers.

6. Break your long sentences into short, crisp ones.
Your favorite novelist in college may have written a sentence a whole page long, but his or her purpose was not to inform. It may have been to enlighten or provoke the reader, to create a marvelous new world, or to push the limits of language. In contrast, your purpose is to communicate clearly with your readers. Keep it simple.

For easy understanding, sentences should average no more than 15 words. Sentences in this article average 12 words.

 

Do you have examples or ideas on writing to meet a range of readers' needs? Please share them. 

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You may be interested in these blog posts on the related topic of jargon:  

Take Control of Your Jargon

Jargon--To Use or Not to Use?

Today I Left Out the Jargon

When Your COB Is My EOD

Have You Been Triaged Yet?

 

Lynn
Syntax Training

I Should Have Known Better

As a business writing expert, I should have known that I'd get the wrong response. I had written the email in a way that was easy for me but misleading for my reader, a woman named Lea. 

Requesting a tour of a retirement home for my elderly friend, I wrote:

Please let me know if you have any time this week. The only impossible day for us is Wednesday.

Do you see what's wrong with my request? 

 

If you don't see it yet, you will recognize it when you read Lea's reply:

I can do Wednesday. We can have lunch also. Can you both be here by 11:30 a.m.?

And before I even had a chance to respond and clarify, I received another email from Lea:

Sorry, I read it to be the only possible day. How about Thursday at 10:00 a.m.?

With the way I had written the message, Lea had seen Wednesday and chosen that day.

The truth is, I did know better. I knew I should tell Lea when we were available--not when we weren't. I just didn't feel like taking the time to type all the days we were free. But I should have written this:

We are available on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, or Friday.

Here's a best practice: Tell them when you are available--not when you aren't. Tell them what you want--not what you don't want. Although it may take a moment longer, it will save time for everyone when your clear message gets the right response.

I wrote about this best practice almost 12 years ago here in Make No Exceptions.

Do you have any writing rules you sometimes ignore even though you know better? I welcome your confession.

Lynn
Syntax Training