Six Tricks to Make Your Writing Seem Shorter

Sometimes you simply have a lot to say. But you know that people often don't read long documents, and you are looking for ways to shorten yours. After you cut a few extra words and one or two unnecessary sentences, what can you do to make a long document or message seem shorter?

You can use these six tricks to create the illusion of shorter writing.

1. Break big chunks of text into smaller ones. A 500-word document with eight paragraphs will seem shorter than the same 500 words in four paragraphs. Why? Long paragraphs make a document seem longer because they make readers work harder.

Let's say you are working on a paragraph about the differences between two approaches. Rather than describing both approaches and your conclusion in a 200-word paragraph, write one paragraph about Approach A, one about Approach B, and one with your conclusion. The short chunks will feel accessible to readers, and your clear organization of the information will come across visually. Your readers will not complain about reading a wall of text.

2. Break long sentences into short ones. Short sentences are easy to read, so they make reading faster. Compare these two examples, which are each 57 words:

Joanne did mention that you were going to compile the survey results for us, and while we are grateful that you will be involved in the project, we do not want to have you move forward without the training we have all completed, which will help you handle the data in a manner consistent with our approach.

Joanne did mention that you were going to compile the survey results for us, and we are grateful that you will be involved in the project. However, we do not want to have you move forward without the training we have all completed. It will help you handle the data in a manner consistent with our approach.

The first one-sentence example is written at a grade level of approximately 22 (post-graduate level). The second three-sentence example, which has only two words that differ from the first, is written at the 8th-grade level. Giving your reader the ability to read content quickly and easily will make your document seem shorter.

3. Take some content offstage. Whenever possible, push details out of your main message by including attachments or links that provide additional information. For example, add an appendix describing how interviews were conducted rather than giving that description in your report. Attach a procedure rather than pasting it into an announcement. Link to frequently asked questions instead of answering each question in your message.

Rather than making this a very long blog post, I offer you these two links to posts with more information on writing concisely:

On cutting extra words: "Write Concisely? Just Do It!"

On "that": "When Not to Cut 'That' From Your Sentences"

4. Label information rather than writing unlabeled paragraphs. Readers read faster when they know what they are reading. When you label paragraphs with clear headings, readers move through them faster, and your message feels shorter.

Heading Placement. Headings can be directly above the content they are labeling, or they can be on the same line, as this paragraph illustrates.

5. Group your long lists into logical chunks. Even though bullet points appear crisp and concise, a list of 20 bullet points looks long and imposing. Instead of listing 20 bullet points or steps, group them. For example, if you had a list of 20 benefits, you might divide them into four groups and label them this way: Payment Benefits, Scheduling Benefits, Increased Quality, and Greater Flexibility.

6. Revise your content so it focuses on "you," the reader. When content focuses on readers' needs, readers are more engaged and less critical about document length. The opening sentence of this post, "Sometimes you simply have a lot to say," is more engaging than "Sometimes documents need to include a lot of information."

Beyond using you, which may not always work in a document, imagine your audience reading your message. If they will be scanning impatiently for a conclusion, offer your conclusion near the beginning. If they need the strategy more than the details, focus on strategy and include details in an attachment.

 

None of the tips above require that you shorten your message or cut important content. But each of them will make your message seem shorter. Tweaking a line from American poet Robert Frost, I'll say "And that can make all the difference."

What do you do to make your writing seem shorter to busy readers?

Take my Business Writing Tune-Up course to learn more tricks of the writing trade.

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

Six Tricks to Make Your Writing Seem Shorter

Sometimes you simply have a lot to say. But you know that people often don't read long documents, and you are looking for ways to shorten yours. After you cut a few extra words and one or two unnecessary sentences, what can you do to make a long document or message seem shorter?

You can use these six tricks to create the illusion of shorter writing.

1. Break big chunks of text into smaller ones. A 500-word document with eight paragraphs will seem shorter than the same 500 words in four paragraphs. Why? Long paragraphs make a document seem longer because they make readers work harder.

Let's say you are working on a paragraph about the differences between two approaches. Rather than describing both approaches and your conclusion in a 200-word paragraph, write one paragraph about Approach A, one about Approach B, and one with your conclusion. The short chunks will feel accessible to readers, and your clear organization of the information will come across visually. Your readers will not complain about reading a wall of text.

2. Break long sentences into short ones. Short sentences are easy to read, so they make reading faster. Compare these two examples, which are each 57 words:

Joanne did mention that you were going to compile the survey results for us, and while we are grateful that you will be involved in the project, we do not want to have you move forward without the training we have all completed, which will help you handle the data in a manner consistent with our approach.

Joanne did mention that you were going to compile the survey results for us, and we are grateful that you will be involved in the project. However, we do not want to have you move forward without the training we have all completed. It will help you handle the data in a manner consistent with our approach.

The first one-sentence example is written at a grade level of approximately 22 (post-graduate level). The second three-sentence example, which has only two words that differ from the first, is written at the 8th-grade level. Giving your reader the ability to read content quickly and easily will make your document seem shorter.

3. Take some content offstage. Whenever possible, push details out of your main message by including attachments or links that provide additional information. For example, add an appendix describing how interviews were conducted rather than giving that description in your report. Attach a procedure rather than pasting it into an announcement. Link to frequently asked questions instead of answering each question in your message.

Rather than making this a very long blog post, I offer you these two links to posts with more information on writing concisely:

On cutting extra words: "Write Concisely? Just Do It!"

On "that": "When Not to Cut 'That' From Your Sentences"

4. Label information rather than writing unlabeled paragraphs. Readers read faster when they know what they are reading. When you label paragraphs with clear headings, readers move through them faster, and your message feels shorter.

Heading Placement. Headings can be directly above the content they are labeling, or they can be on the same line, as this paragraph illustrates.

5. Group your long lists into logical chunks. Even though bullet points appear crisp and concise, a list of 20 bullet points looks long and imposing. Instead of listing 20 bullet points or steps, group them. For example, if you had a list of 20 benefits, you might divide them into four groups and label them this way: Payment Benefits, Scheduling Benefits, Increased Quality, and Greater Flexibility.

6. Revise your content so it focuses on "you," the reader. When content focuses on readers' needs, readers are more engaged and less critical about document length. The opening sentence of this post, "Sometimes you simply have a lot to say," is more engaging than "Sometimes documents need to include a lot of information."

Beyond using you, which may not always work in a document, imagine your audience reading your message. If they will be scanning impatiently for a conclusion, offer your conclusion near the beginning. If they need the strategy more than the details, focus on strategy and include details in an attachment.

 

None of the tips above require that you shorten your message or cut important content. But each of them will make your message seem shorter. Tweaking a line from American poet Robert Frost, I'll say "And that can make all the difference."

What do you do to make your writing seem shorter to busy readers?

Take my Business Writing Tune-Up course to learn more tricks of the writing trade.

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

Paragraphs--Not a Brick Wall, Not a Pile of Bricks Either

Most bad paragraphing involves big walls of text. Readers see those walls and turn away. They move around the wall to shorter paragraphs and bullet points, things that appear to be easier to comprehend. Those big walls of text may contain important information, but the audience never reads it. 

The solution for writers is not to simply share one brick at a time. If we approach writing that way, we create work for our readers. We make them arrange the bricks into a structure that makes sense.

I recently received a pile-of-bricks email. The writer was looking for help from me, which I gladly provided. But the message made my job harder. I had to sort through 12 paragraphs, which averaged just 22 words each. Taking that pile of bricks, I had to form the coherent message I believe the writer intended. 

Below is the pile of paragraphs, disguised. If you are willing, your task is to combine the bricks into a logical structure that communicates a clear, straightforward message. Do not worry about significant changes in the writing (unless you want to), but focus on paragraphing. 

Note: The writer mentions grammatical errors, which I have repaired in the message below. They were few and minor. 

*******************************************************

Dear Miss Gaertner-Johnston,

I came across your website while reading ESL articles. English is my second language. I do a lot of writing in my job (Facebook posts, email, procedures, etc.).

My greatest downfall is that I write like I talk!

I checked out your website, but you list a lot of book recommendations, and I do not know which to buy or which best suits my needs.

Can you recommend a book/s for someone like me who speaks English as a second language?  

I'm leaning towards HBR Guide to Better Business Writing and Business Writing with Heart.

I want something easy to read as well, not a lot of fancy words. Usually I can understand the context, and I am not opposed to lifting my fingers to look up a definition on Google.

Despite having a college degree, I continue to struggle with English grammar. I feel incompetent doing my job when I have to ask my peers to edit my grammar when posting or responding to emails. The worst part is at times asking junior staff to edit a simple post on FB. Ugh.

Hope you can assist with a great book suggestion. 

I have spent most of my morning browsing at websites for ESL students. There are thousands of them.

I think my email is long enough that with your trained eye you spotted several grammar dilemmas I have been struggling with.

I try not to think too much as I am writing this, but I cannot help myself. LOL.

Looking forward to hearing from you. Your time reading this is GREATLY appreciated. 

Sincerely,

Nia [a pseudonym, of course]

*******************************************************

I will post my version in 24-48 hours. If you enjoy this challenge, I look forward to reading yours. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is my 5-paragraph revision:

 

Dear Miss Gaertner-Johnston,

Can you recommend a book or books for someone like me who speaks English as a second language? I checked out your website, but you list a lot of book recommendations, and I do not know which to buy or which best suits my needs. I'm leaning towards HBR Guide to Better Business Writing and Business Writing With Heart. I want something easy to read as well, not a lot of fancy words. Usually I can understand the context, and I am not opposed to lifting my fingers to look up a definition on Google. I hope you can assist with a great book suggestion. [As you can see, in this version Nia gets to the point in the first sentence, which saves time for me, the reader.]

I do a lot of writing in my job (Facebook posts, email, procedures, etc.). Despite having a college degree, I continue to struggle with English grammar. I feel incompetent doing my job when I have to ask my peers to edit my grammar when posting or responding to emails. The worst part is at times asking junior staff to edit a simple post on FB. Ugh.

I have spent most of my morning browsing websites for ESL students. There are thousands of them. I came across your website while reading ESL articles. 

I think my email is long enough that with your trained eye you spotted several grammar dilemmas I have been struggling with. My greatest downfall is that I write like I talk! I try not to think too much as I am writing this, but I cannot help myself. LOL.

I am looking forward to hearing from you. Your time reading this is GREATLY appreciated. 

Sincerely,

Nia

*************************************************

My goal was to organize the content into logical paragraphs, working with the content I had. That is the reason I did not edit the message significantly. In the comments below, you can review Michele's version. She took the time to cut unnecessary content. 

Questions? 

If you would like to take your writing to the next level, consider my online self-study course Business Writing Tune-Up. You can preview it for free to see whether it's a good fit for you. 

A Spelling Test for You

I am enjoying Dreyer's English: An Utterly Correct Guide to Clarity and Style. Author Benjamin Dreyer, copy chief of Random House, included a chapter titled "Notes on Easily Misspelled Words." Thinking you will enjoy the challenge, I offer a spelling test. I chose 20 of Dreyer's 116 easily misspelled words, plus variants, to test you. 

In this list, 10 words are correct, 10 incorrect. Which 10 need correcting?

accommodation   

bookkeeper    

bouyant   

concensus  

dilemma    

fourty-four    

fuschia    

genealogy  

glamour        

guttural   

indispensable    

momento     

occurrence     

perogative   

poinsettia     

restaurateur    

supercede   

suprise 

threshhold

unwieldly  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you found the 10 correct words yet? They appear below. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

accommodation 

bookkeeper   

dilemma   

genealogy  (This one could have fooled me.) 

glamour (Glamor is also correct according to Merriam-Webster's.)    

guttural   

indispensable   

occurrence     

poinsettia     

restaurateur (This spelling was a total surprise. Restauranteur is also correct according to Merriam-Webster's--despite Mr. Dreyer's objection.) 

 

 

 

Have you figured out how to correctly spell these items? 

bouyant   

concensus

fuschia    

fourty-four   

momento    

perogative    

supercede   

suprise

threshhold

unwieldly  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here are the corrected versions:

buoyant  

consensus

forty-four   

fuchsia

memento  

prerogative (I have to admit I couldn't recognize what was wrong with perogative.) 

supersede (I never get this one wrong because I think of supersede as "sit in the place of.")

surprise (Such a simple word, with such potential for error.) 

threshold

unwieldy 

 

Which words fooled you?

In my writing classes, the most often misspelled word is misspelled--with a missing letter s. 

Benjamin Dreyer notes that "no one expects you to memorize the spelling of every word in the notoriously irregular, unmemorizable English language." When you are unsure, use a dictionary. His dictionary of choice is Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary.

To learn much more about recognizing errors in writing, get a copy of Dreyer's English. I'll share a full review of the book in a few days. 

Lynn
Syntax Training 

 

 

A New York Times Lesson for Business Writers

As an online subscriber and recipient of Sunday delivery, I enjoy the excellent writing in The New York Times. The paper often uses a powerful technique to meet readers' needs: listing and answering the readers' questions. 

For decades I've been recommending the answering-the-readers' questions approach for business writers--and not just for use in Q&A sections. The NYT illustrates it beautifully. 

Here are the questions the article "Measles Outbreak: Your Questions Answered" asks and answers:

• What is measles?
• How is measles transmitted?
• What are the symptoms of measles?
• Is there a cure for measles?
• How safe and effective is the measles vaccine?
• If I’m not vaccinated, is it too late to get the shot?
• If most people are getting vaccinated, why does it matter if I don’t vaccinate my child?
• Wait, didn’t we eliminate measles?
• How many people haven’t been vaccinated?
• Who are the people not getting vaccinated?
• Don’t states have laws requiring parents to vaccinate their children?
• Are the states with lax laws the ones with the most measles cases?
• Does this mean mumps and rubella cases are re-emerging, too?

The NYT prints each question in bold, then answers it. Some answers are as short as two sentences:

How many people haven't been vaccinated?

A small number in scattered pockets. Measles immunization in the United States is stable and high — more than 90 percent — according to C.D.C. tracking [with a hyperlink from tracking]. 

And some answers--such as "How safe and effective is the measles vaccine?" and "Wait, didn’t we eliminate measles?"--run several paragraphs. 

I share this NYT technique with you because using it helps you give your audience the information they want and need--and avoid giving them information they don't need. Notice that the list of measles questions does not include "What is the history of measles?" or "When was the first measles case identified?" Most people reading "Measles Outbreak: Your Questions Answered" will not be seeking that information. (However, in a presentation, you could have such information in your back pocket, so to speak, and in a written document you could include it in an appendix.) 

If you have access to The NYT, you may be interested in another example, "Nine Key Questions About the Green New Deal."

Here's how to apply the technique to your own business communication project:

1. Think about your audience and what you want them to do and think. 
2. List the questions they would ask you if you were meeting with them for that purpose. For example:
   --What's this about?
   --What do you propose?
   --What's your proposal based on?
   --What will it cost?
   --What will happen if we don't take action?
   Etc. 
3. Review the questions (perhaps with others on your team) and put them in the order you think your reader or audience would want or need them answered. 
4. Answer the questions in a document or presentation. 

Your communication does not need to be written in a Q&A format. It can be written as an email, an announcement, a proposal, a policy, a newsletter article--whatever you are writing. It simply focuses on the information your readers want and need. 

Although answering your readers' questions doesn't guarantee communication success, it does guarantee that you are giving your audience what they want and need.

What type of business messages could you/do you use this technique in? 

In my online self-study course Business Writing Tune-Up, I offer a planning template you can fill in at your desktop to help you answer your readers' questions and meet their needs. Please preview the course--you may want to enroll in it or suggest it to a colleague. 

Have you learned other practical writing tips from great newspapers? Please share them. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

 

A Large Amount of Mistakes

Today I was reading an article online in Forbes. I expect Forbes to produce error-free articles, but an error popped out in this sentence:

When you stop to think about it, the sheer amount of websites can also confuse and perplex us.

Did you recognize the error? 

 

 

 

It's the same error I made on purpose in the title of this blog post. The title should be "A Large Number of Mistakes." 

 

 

 

And the Forbes sentence rendered correctly would read this way:

When you stop to think about it, the sheer number of websites can also confuse and perplex us.

 

You may be wondering why amount is wrong. It's wrong because amount is used for things that cannot be counted individually. Examples:

• The amount of advertising on this website irritates me. (Advertising as such cannot be counted.)
• I haven't made that recipe because of the large amount of salt it requires. (Salt cannot be counted.)
• The amount of clothing she buys makes sense given her job. (Clothing cannot be counted, but items of clothing can.) 
• The amount of chaos on the roads this morning made me wish I had stayed home. (Chaos cannot be counted.)

 

Number is right for things that can be counted. Compare these examples:

• The number of popup ads on this website irritates me. 
• I haven't made that recipe because of the large number of ingredients it requires. 
• The number of skirts and sweaters she buys makes sense given her job. 
• The number of accidents on the roads this morning made me wish I had stayed home.

 

Do those examples make sense to you? In case you have continuing doubts about how to apply the rules for using amount and number, here are examples from three respected style guides:

The Chicago Manual of Style: a decrease in the amount of pollution; a small amount of money; a growing number of dissidents; the number of coins in your pocket

The Associated Press Stylebook 2018: the amount of milk in the refrigerator; the amount of courage it takes to climb Mount Everest; the number of soldiers in an army; the number of books in a library

Garner's Modern English Usage: an increase in the amount of litigation; an increase in the number of lawsuits

 

Now it's time to test yourself. Fill in the blanks with the correct word: amount or number. These sentences are adapted from the Forbes article I am reading. 

1. Users can sign up to consume a vast _______ of tutorials from its palette of educational content.  

2. The company employs a large _________ of writers and editors that are constantly providing sound advice on every type of gadget.  

3. That's a vast ________ of data in the proverbial cloud. 

4. The _________ of quality-content sites, the type that many people visit on a daily basis, seems few and far between.   

5. There is a huge __________ of passive income to be made.  

6. It involves an excruciatingly large ________ of work for the average person looking to go it alone.  

 

Are you certain of your answers? Here's a little clue: You should have inserted each word--amount and number--three times. 

 

 

 

 

Do your answers agree with this key?

1. Users can sign up to consume a vast number of tutorials from its palette of educational content. (Tutorials can be counted.)

2. The company employs a large number of writers and editors that are constantly providing sound advice on every type of gadget. (Writers and editors can be counted.)

3. That's a vast amount of data in the proverbial cloud. (Data cannot be counted.)

4. The number of quality-content sites, the type that many people visit on a daily basis, seems few and far between. (Sites can be counted.)

5. There is a huge amount of passive income to be made. (Income cannot be counted although dollars can.) 

6. It involves an excruciatingly large amount of work for the average person looking to go it alone. (Work cannot be counted.) 

 

Many word pairs like amount/number confuse people. Check out this list of pairs that appear in my booklet 60 Quick Word Fixes. Could you use each one of them correctly? If not, get the booklet. Don't make a large amount number of errors! 

Lynn
Syntax Training

Does Humming Attract Birds? A Punctuation Problem

My friend Eric W., a great sign spotter, sent me this photo for your enjoyment. He asks, "What does it hum?" 

I ask you, "What is the problem with the heading below?" 

 

It's an easy problem for a snowy Monday in Seattle--and an opportunity to remind you of my Punctuation for Professionals course. Take it to learn all about hyphens, dashes, and other essential punctuation marks. It's an online self-study course that you can take in any weather. 

Lynn
Syntax Training 

 

Acronyms and SMEs--Help!

Tim wrote today with an acronym situation he would like to resolve. What do you think about his desire to spell out acronyms and initialisms, even when writing for SMEs (subject-matter experts)? 

Here is his message:

I read your blog on acronyms this morning and agreed with all the points. After all, I've been a tech writer for more than 30 years.

Maybe that time in the business makes my mind warp at times. I work with intelligence, surveillance, and reconnaissance (ISR) experts and system integrators. I use short sentences and format to keep their stuff from becoming jargon.

The problem is that I get situations where the list of acronyms can rival or even surpass the document, and my colleagues complain about the spelled out acronyms. I've become sympathetic that there are communities of interest (COIs) where the expertise is so high that spelling out an acronym makes a presentation less, not more legible because these people "think in code."

I've experimented with pop-up text for acronyms, but I can't let go of the gospel that acronyms have to be spelled out on first use and compiled in a list, usually an appendix. I have trouble making a convention where certain acronyms don't need to be defined because I can't take the word of my co-workers for granted, even if they might be right.

What would you do if you worked in such a highly technical environment and needed to create consistent, correct technical documents? 

Please share your advice for Tim. Should he ignore the "gospel" that acronyms have to be spelled out on first use? Should he experiment with letting some acronyms and initialisms stand alone? 

 

Here are some of my other posts on acronyms:

Acronyms Do Not Comfort, Doc
CEO Is Not an Acronym!
When Your COB Is My EOD
NLT: Another Abbreviation to Avoid
Ban Acronyms From Holiday Parties

Lynn
Syntax Training

Over Their Heads and Far From Their Comprehension

Marcia Yudkin's excellent "Marketing Minute" arrived in my inbox today. It included an important reminder about jargon. Marcia gave me permission to share this guest post with you. 

*********************************************************

Over Their Heads and Far From Their Comprehension

By Marcia Yudkin

Are you overestimating the public's familiarity with your jargon and underestimating their curiosity to know?

The natural-foods store near me sells unusually yummy, locally baked bread, prominently labeled as "naturally leavened." 

Say what?

"Leavened," I know, implies dough that rises after the ingredients are mixed.  Normally that's accomplished by yeast, I also know.  But does "naturally" mean that the baker adds some fresh-from-nature type of yeast, or a yeast alternative?  Or does the dough rise from being left on the counter, affected by leavening agents naturally floating around in the air?

Nothing on the bread wrapper clarified this.  I hunted down the baking company's website, where it said that instead of yeast, they "culture the dough with a bacterial based wild starter and allow it to ferment for 24 hours before baking."

I was still in the dark.  What is a "bacterial based wild starter"?  I longed for a link to another page, perhaps in Q&A format, explaining this more fully.  

Are you similarly assuming too much knowledge on the part of your customers with your use of specialized terms?

*********************************************

Do you have an example of jargon getting in the way of your understanding? Please share it.

You can sign up for Marcia's free weekly Marketing Minute. I recommend it. 

Lynn
Syntax Training

Cuba Is Complicated, But Writing Should Not Be

Cuba is complicated. That's what our guides told us when we asked questions about how things work in the country: Es complicado. Salaries, food, ownership, restoration, politics, global relationships--Todo es complicado. 

But writing about Cuba should not be complicated. Writers should strive to communicate complex topics as clearly and simply as possible. 

Are you up for a challenge? Below is a 102-word complicated sentence excerpted from a book about Cuba. How would you simplify it? How many sentences would you break it into? Feel free to change wording where it will simplify the message. 

Yet even if there was no love lost between the man and the Cuban government, because Payá articulated some criticisms of the regime that were shared within respected state institutions, and because he did so without appearing to be as much a tool or creation of outside actors as other dissident initiatives, the decision by the regime to allow the Varela Project to survive, even in a very low-key way, may have foreshadowed, if only by a matter of timing, the public’s eagerness for and the government’s capacity to manage a wider public debate about the revolution’s future without risking counterrevolutionary upheaval.

I look forward to reading your revised paragraph.

You can get more practice revising long sentences--including your own--in Business Writing Tune-Up. 

Note: My husband and I spent two wonderful weeks in Cuba on a Road Scholar tour. I highly recommend it if you are interested in Cuba and can invest the time and money. (Ismar, thank you for your generous companionship. Rena, thank you for the paragraph.) 

Lynn
Syntax Training

Five Ways to Clear Up Fuzzy Writing

When writing is fuzzy, perfectly clear ideas come across as vague, illogical, or ambiguous. Don’t let fuzzy writing undermine your brilliant ideas! Great ideas deserve clear expression. Avoid the five don’ts below to communicate clearly with your audience.

1. Don’t use this alone. When the word this stands alone, readers are forced to ask “This what?”

Fuzzy example:

• When I wrote the report, I was not aware the driver had left the scene of a serious accident. This has created an unfortunate situation. 

This what has created an unfortunate situation? This lack of awareness? This incomplete report? This driver behavior? The word this leaves the reader guessing. To eliminate fuzzy writing, follow the word this with a noun or a noun phrase that clarifies your meaning. Avoid “This is,” “This means,” and similar constructions.

2. Don’t use i.e. and e.g. Before you read on, define i.e. and e.g. What does each Latin abbreviation mean? If you ask any group of 10 people the meaning of i.e. and e.g., you will get several incorrect explanations for each abbreviation.

Fuzzy example:

• We recommend that the group focus on just one area of interest, i.e., sustainability.

Which of these meanings does the writer intend?

• We recommend that the group focus on just one area of interest, that is, sustainability.
• We recommend that the group focus on just one area of interest, for example, sustainability.

I.e. means “that is.” E.g. means “for example.” But because many people use the abbreviations incorrectly, using them at all is risky. To be clear, use “that is” and “for example.”

3. Don’t let phrases flap in the wind. Tie phrases to the right place in your sentence.

Fuzzy example:

• Julia is working on a final marketing plan. She will send it to you to edit by Feb. 1.

Who is doing what by Feb. 1?

Use this version if Julia will send the plan by Feb. 1:

• Julia is working on a final marketing plan. She will send it to you by Feb. 1 so that you can edit it.

Use this version if the reader will edit the plan by Feb. 1:

• Julia is working on a final marketing plan, which she will send you. Please edit it by Feb. 1.

To recognize when phrases are flapping in the wind, let your writing sit for at least an hour (overnight is better) before proofreading it. A fresh review of your work will help you see fuzzy constructions.

4. Don’t mix singulars and plurals when using pronouns. To clear up your writing, make sure each they, their, our, or other plural pronoun refers to a plural word. If it doesn’t, rewrite the sentence. Such rewriting is easier than you may think.

Fuzzy example:

• There is a guidebook at each guest’s table. They include the itinerary.

What is they? The plural pronoun they must refer to a plural word, yet the sentence includes no plural nouns.

Clear versions:

• There is a guidebook at each guest’s table. The guidebook includes the itinerary.
•  There is a guidebook, which includes the itinerary, at each guest’s table.

 

Fuzzy example:

• ABC Company is committed to exceeding our customers’ expectations.

Our? If ABC Company is singular and takes the singular verb is, to whom does the plural pronoun our refer?

Clear versions:

• At ABC Company we are committed to exceeding our customers’ expectations.
• ABC Company is committed to exceeding its customers’ expectations.
• ABC Company is committed to exceeding customer expectations.

To write clearly and correctly about your company, decide how you will refer to it—for example, as it or we—and then be consistent.

5. Don’t use vague words and phrases. Vague words and phrases make even the clearest ideas fuzzy.

Fuzzy examples:

• We may have a number of possible ways to solve the problem.
• I would like your response in a timely manner.

Clear versions: 

• We have three ways to solve the problem.
• I need your response by February 20.

Although your primary readers may understand fuzzy writing because they know the context, your secondary (pass-it-on) readers will wonder what you mean. Defuzz for them. Observe the don’ts above to ensure crisp, clear writing for everyone.

Please add your suggestions. I am traveling in Cuba and not accessing the internet, but I look forward to reading your comments when I return. 

Lynn
Syntax Training