George, a regular reader of this blog, asked this question:
“In describing a client’s services on their website, I wrote something like ‘Acme does A and B. We can also help with C and D.’ The client said mixing the third and first persons was confusing and I should stick to the third person. What do you and your readers think?”
Well, readers, what do you think? Is it acceptable to use the first person and third person in the same paragraph? Can George use Acme and we as subjects in back-to-back sentences?
The short answer does not require much thought: George can’t because his client doesn’t like it.
But should the client reconsider? Does it work to mix “persons” this way?
To help us consider George’s question, I wrote fleshed out, realistic versions of what he is dealing with, based on my business:
- Syntax Training offers in-house, public, and online business writing classes. Based in Seattle, Washington, we travel to client companies and training facilities in the Pacific Northwest and beyond. (Mixes third-person Syntax Training with first-person pronoun we.)
- Syntax Training offers in-house, public, and online business writing classes. Based in Seattle, Washington, Syntax Training travels to client companies and training facilities in the Pacific Northwest and beyond. (Uses third-person Syntax Training in both sentences.)
- We offer in-house, public, and online business writing classes. Located in Seattle, Washington, we travel to client companies and training facilities in the Pacific Northwest and beyond. (Uses first-person pronoun we in both sentences.)
I prefer Version 1, then Version 3. The mixed-person Version 1 identifies the company by name and then switches to the congenial we.
To use Version 3, the writer must identify the company in an earlier sentence or heading.
Version 2, with its consistent use of third person, uses Syntax Training awkwardly in the second sentence (“Syntax Training travels”). At least, it seems awkward to me. Also, consistent use of third person can come across as wooden.
If you, like George, want to mix persons (and your client or manager agrees to it), I offer these suggestions:
1. To avoid a cumbersome shift from one person to another, use first person and third person together at the beginning, like this: “At Acme [third person], we [first person] do A and B. We can also help with C and D.”
2. Avoid a first- and third-person jumble. If you follow third person with first person, continue with first person to the end of the paragraph.
3. Be clear about who the first-person we is.
4. If you use we, keep the company prominent by using its name as an adjective, like this: “We offer Syntax Training programs online too.”
5. Whether you use first person or third person or both, be sure to appeal to the all-important second person: you, the reader. Example: “You can take Syntax Training classes online too.”
How do you deal with the mix of first person and third person in your company documents? Would you add to or alter the suggestions above? George and I would enjoy learning your views.
Lynn
Syntax Training
